My Paradigm shift...

"Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is YOUR problem and YOUR fault.“No matter what you think of the other party — or what your family thinks of the other party — these children are one-half of each of you. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an ‘idiot’ his father is, or what a ‘fool’ his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of Him is bad.“That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love! That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.“I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”
~ Judge Michael Haas 2001

I pray that all parents, grandparents, and others that read this above quote and truly absorb and understand how their words and actions will affect the hearts and minds of the children that God so graciously blessed us with. Our children watch every movement we make and try to copy us because we have been given the role as their teachers. 
When we teach our children to walk, we grab their fingers in ours and we guide their feet with our steps behind them. When we teach our children to talk. We put our faces in theirs and we show them how to say words with our lips. We praise them when they emulate and mirror what we are trying to teach them. It is one of the most exciting moments in a parents life when our children take their first step and say their first word. We feel like we have done a great job in teaching our children the first lesson of becoming an adult.
But because our children rely on our guidance and encouragement, their devotion to us can be taken advantage of. It is very confusing for a child to try to grasp why they need to hate a person they use to love. Children do not divorce their parents. Parents divorce each other and in some cases, my case, my children were demanded to have a bitter divorce with me as well. As my children carry the scars of trying to understand why "Mommy" and "Daddy" don't love each other anymore. My blog has answered those questions and as much as the truth hurts-it was necessary for me to speak out loud because my children are not babies anymore. They are young adults that will inevitably have children of their own. My hope is that they will understand the mistakes their father and I made and not mirror an example of a unhealthy marriage. 
As I said above, we take our children's hands and teach them to walk and talk but sometimes the parents that are teaching the "walking" and "talking" are poor examples of what is right and what is wrong. I broke that mirror image with this blog.
 
I have talked extensively to parents, children and families that have been caught in the cross fires of the games of "finger-pointing", "the blame game" or worse-"methodically coaching a child to hate another person-especially a loving parent" The emotional damage on a child's heart and mind is staggering and lifelong.

It is heart wrenching to see what these families go through. What my family has gone through.
We are all guilty of saying means things about others in hurt and anger, but if you read this and be honest with yourself-any action or hateful word you spew at another soul that a child wants to love, will affect the child or children involved permanently.
Some parents inflict verbal and mental harm on their children yet wake up one day and decide that they are bored or eventually exposed for their hateful actions. Yet, they expect the children to pick up the shattered words and actions for the rest of their lives because they don't have the guts to admit that their actions were wrong. We teach our children to talk yet when our children speak truths about their fears and pains they are often told by Alienators(my ex and his wife) "to shut up..or else...These parents that demand silence out of fear are selfish, mean and unworthy of being a parent at all. God will deal with them justly because He hates when we are cruel to His children. However, there are the other parents that stay quiet for years trying to not emotionally harm their children more than they have been harmed but yet when that parent finally speaks out of defense and strength, they are viewed as trying to start a fight that was going on before that loving parent used their voice. 
God will reward the loving parent, as I have been awarded, with love from the souls I have been trying to heal..not hurt.

My blog is my story of domestic violence and my battles with alienation and I will continue to share my story. I will also embrace being a mentor and an advocate against abuse. I still have so much more to give and learn from. I have gratefully been physically abuse free for 9 years now and my life is always in constant motion and change. How I view and accept the changes is truly up to me. My power, my life, my voice, my choice. None of us has the control to stop the changes, but we do have the God given power to embrace the changes with love.....not hate. With all the court hearings and threats to try to stop me from using my voice by Colonel Kevin Landers and second wife Melody Morrison Wilson Landers, my lesson to all survivors out there is this-Bully's like these two adults can only bully if you allow them to and although their threats may be scary, DO NOT stop using your voice. Their words are just words and their actions will be viewed as immature, mean and unstable to others but mostly viewed as mean to the children who will find out about their lies one day. 
I am living proof and so are my kids that we will survive the bully's and their hateful ways. As long as I have battled to use my voice, my victory is that I was encouraged to not stop speaking and writing by the courts, my peers and most of all-my God. Jesus Christ was viewed as a liar and a fool. So was Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandella  ect. I am no where near the callibar of grace or power that these leaders have, but I have learned alot of lessons from them. Isn't the point of these powerful teachers using their voice and lessons to help and guide others away from harms way? My voice was given to me to not be quiet but to speak and I will continue until I can speak no longer. I have made an impact and the world is now informed of the lies and abuse by Kevin Paul Landers and his second wife. My voice has been a powerful one and the more my ex tries to shut me up, the more I know that he is afraid that society sees him for what he truly is-a selfish man, a worthless father and an abuser. I know that he walks around in paranoia wondering if someone in his home town, his work or his church sees the soul of an abuser. My story will follow him the rest of his life and will put doubt in the minds of the ones who are searching for answers because it is very obvious to people that Kevin is hiding something. He and his second wife think they have people fooled but they are so naive to think that people don't talk behind their back with disappointment. People are not naive and my blog has helped put pieces of the puzzle together for Kevin's doubters. 
My intention is to tell my story because of all the slander by him and his second wife but in the process of defending myself, I learned that writing was also very healing to my soul. I am not afraid of him anymore, I am not afraid of his threats and I sure as heck am not afraid of his second wife.
My voice has spoken and my truths can be proven as valid because I have 4 witnesses-my kids.
As far as his second wife is concerned-I could care less about her existence. She is a nothing to me. May she rot in hell for the pain she has caused my children
.
My children are now young adults. My life as a survivor, a mother and now mentor has taken a paradigm shift. I am very excited to see what tomorrow brings for me, for John and for all of our children.
I am thankful that our children are healthy, safe and there is no doubt that they are deeply loved by all of us.

Our precious children deserve to love all of us in return without worries that it will anger another.
When children are born, their innocent hearts only know one emotion- love. It's up to all of us as guardians to encourage their love-not manipulate it.
Love is born-hate is taught.

I am in the process of creating a new blog of happy memories for my children from their childhood. To me, it is imperative that my children remember and understand that their lives were not only filled with "the ugly things" but also filled with "the beautiful things."

 I will post the link on my public sites soon.

We adults are expected to be the teachers to our children, but what I have learned in my trials is that sometimes we adults need to be silent and allow the children voices to be heard. When I have stood quiet and allowed my children to speak-I become the student and they have become the smartest scholars I've ever known.
Paradigm shift....lesson learned.

Below is a song that I feel is appropriate to post on this entry. This is one of my favorites. 
Please take time to watch the video and read the lyrics.
Its dedicated to all of you. Imagine and set yourself free.
"It's gone, all the pain is gone..."

Imagine Me 
"Imagine Me"

Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me 'cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy 'cause
I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
'Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me?
Saying "No" to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you imagine me?

Over what my mama said
And healed from what my daddy did
I wanna live and not read that page again

[Chorus:]
Imagine me being free, trusting you totally
Finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...
Imagine me

(Imagine me) Being strong
And not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around (No no)
Can you imagine me?
In a world (in a world) where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fear's gone away
Can you imagine me?

Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Imagine me, me being free, trusting you totally
Finally I can...
Imagine me
(I admit Jesus) I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me (like me)
Finally I can...
Imagine me

(I imagine me)
Imagine me (being free) being free, trusting you totally (totally)
Finally I can...
Imagine me
(I'll be honest with you)
I admit it was hard to see (it was hard)
You being in love with someone like me (yeah)
But finally I can...
Imagine me

This song is dedicated to people like me.
Those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self-esteem.
You've never felt good enough, you've never felt pretty enough
But imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened is now...

...gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's all gone, every sadness)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Every mistake, every failure, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Depression, gone, bad faith, it's gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Low self-esteem, Hallelujah, it's gone, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone, all my scars, all my pain)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's in the past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, ah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(I can't believe it's gone)
(Gone, what you mother did, what your father did, Hallelujah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone)