Child abuse in the Landers-Baker households

I hope all of you had a blessed Thanksgiving. I do have very much to be thankful for in my life. I have survived many challenges and have never forgotten my blessings.

The reason why it has taken me some time to post again is because of the holiday season. As I’m sure you are aware, reliving my life by writing words here can be very emotional and heart wrenching. I want to embrace my life today with thankfulness but I also want to stress that the holidays are also very difficult for me as well.

Not being able to spend the holidays with the beautiful children I treasure is very hard. I rack my brain and logic every year trying to make sense of all this insanity. I cannot let go of the fact that there are people in this world that truly don’t care about the children they wanted and loved. That they will push the children’s hearts aside because all they truly care about is themselves. Meanwhile, the children are slowly falling apart day by day on the inside.

I am forever trying to understand how one man, my ex husband, could accomplish spreading so much hate, harm and evil towards me and our 4 children…the 5 people that loved him the most at one time. So hence, I’ve been doing a lot of research and talking to a lot of people about a hateful act inflicted on children during and after a divorce or separation. It has something that both John and I have experienced by the acts of John’s ex wife (Kelly Baker-Barnes) and my ex (Ltc. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr.). This form of child abuse is called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).

The reason I am going to incorporate John’s children in the entry is because John and I experienced Kevin and Kelly’s mind games as a team. You all know that John and I married into Kevin and Kelly’s family (The Landers). Recall that after Kelly filed for divorce, John and I started spending time together and eventually dated. I say “eventually”, because John went out with another after Kelly & before me. I filed for divorce from Kevin prior to Kelly’s choice to divorce John. Kevin and Kelly teamed up at the expense of all 9 of our shared children-“To teach us a lesson.” The sickening part is they used the vulnerable, innocent children as pawns for their hateful, manipulative plan to make John and I suffer. And suffer we did. Kevin and Kelly would laugh, harass, and claim to anyone that would listen that they were the victors in the court system. It was all a funny game to them but today, 8 years later, the pitiful losers in this game ARE the children.  Unfortunately, the ones that will have the life long emotional scars of Kevin and Kelly’s actions are the 9 children that had to endure the hate embedded by these two despicable adults.

All of my readers know the turmoil’s and battles I’ve had with Kevin and trying to co-parent with him. It has been an ongoing battle for 8 years. My 3 older children were able to escape Kevin’s cruel actions. K M and A have shown signs of PAS but are slowly healing. However, my youngest son Justin is still a prisoner. I have been made aware recently of Justin’s emotional and mental state and it is concerning. Kevin’s sister Kelly has also committed the same act of emotional child abuse. This act of Parental Alienation is very cruel and emotionally damaging to John’s 4 younger children- Ethan, Evan, Luke and Samantha. John’s eldest, Nathan, did not allow his mother to control his love for his father. However, he continues to put up with a lot of turmoil from his mother and her parents because he loves his dad. The signs of this child abuse may not show in John’s younger children until later, but either way they will discover what their mother/Kelly has lied about. When Samantha, Ethan, Evan & Luke uncover the events that have taken place (calls, gifts, letters, voice mails, conversations with Kelly, numerous efforts to contact his children) these 4 kids will likely have many PAS issues to work through as young adults.

Let me give you a brief synopsis of what I have learned.

PAS is a cruel act towards children and is child abuse. In the legal system, PAS is in the process of being established as a crime against children. It is considered in the same area as the act of kidnapping a child and placing them in a venue in order to prevent the child from having any enduring good contact with the non resident parent. The harmful practice of turning a loving child against an equally loving parent should not be tolerated in a society that prides itself in protecting children. In severe cases of parent alienation, the child is utterly brainwashed against the alienated parent.

Brainwashing (also known as mind control, coercive persuasion, mind abuse, thought control) refers to a process in which an individual "systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator(s), often to the detriment of the person being manipulated".^[1] The term has been applied to any tactic, psychological or otherwise, which can be seen as subverting an individual's sense of control over their own thinking, behavior, emotions or decision making.” ~ Wikipedia.

 As all of you know, my 4 children were isolated from me after Kevin forced me out of the picture. It was not until K(my oldest son) ran away from his father’s home, and until M and A were put way in separate “group children home” type facilities, that I was able to reconnect with my 3 older kids. As I have written prior, J is still under Kevin’s control. Just like I had no contact with my 3 older children while in Kevin’s physical control, I have not spoken to J in 8 years.  It’s not just me that Ltc. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. US Army has alienated from Justin. My youngest child has not seen nor spoken to his maternal grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, or past friends in 8 years. J has been isolated from the world and told that none of us want to speak to him and hate him because “Justin has chose to be with his father”.  J's father has brainwashed him into thinking that we all have victimized his dad. Kevin, in true abuser form, plays the victim.

 “Occasionally the abuser will pretend to be helpless or will act persecuted in order to manipulate others into helping him. Abusers are able to cry easier than most men when the victim role or manipulative tactics require it.”~Agape Aid

 Ltc. Landers will tell all that listen, “Their mother has tried to ruin my career and life” or “All your mother cares about is fucking Uncle John. She hates us” or in reference to Justin recently, “Your mother has brainwashed your sisters and brother against me and you” and “Your mother is a felon and if she ever talks to you, she will go to prison and so will you.”  These are just a few of the many stories I have been told by sources close to Justin who have told me that Kevin is out of control. As I write these words, I wish I could release Ltc. Landers of all the hate he continues to direct at me and our children. J has 3 older siblings that he will eventually be able to cling to and the truth will come to light. J knows we are all waiting for him.

John’s ex, Kelly, has campaigned hard to convince their 4 younger children that John only loves Nathan and wants nothing to do with his younger children. Kelly tells the children that their father is a hateful, dangerous man. Kelly has filed false police reports stating that John threatens her and the children. Yet Kelly has called our home on occasion to speak with John. Whether Kelly dials us or John dials her, Kelly advises that “the children’s therapist” said the children should not have contact with him.  Kelly claims the child “therapist” does not want John to have her contact information.   Kelly showed her character as a mother, wife and human being when she decided to file for divorce from John in 2005. John has not spoken to his 4 little ones in 8 years. Any messages, gifts, monies or otherwise have never been shared with his 4 younger children.  Kelly has methodically, conscionably, and purposely brainwashed her children to believe that “Daddy” hates them. She has told the children that he is a very, bad evil man and that if they ever try to contact him they will be punished harshly. Kelly started this horrific brainwashing of Samantha, Evan, Ethan and Luke at the vulnerable, impressionable age of 6yrs old. Anyone who has had conversations with Kelly in reference to John Baker can confirm this behavior and lies by Kelly. This is behavior not becoming of a mother that wants her children to thrive.

What is even more heart wrenching for K M, and A is that their grandparents-Jim and Becky Landers-have abandoned them. As long as these 3 kids were under their son Kevin’s control, they claimed them as their “precious grandkids” but as soon as the children sought me out and wanted to be a part of my life, Jim and Becky act as if the grandkids (my children) don’t exist. Jim and Becky were good grandparents to the Landers kids until I left their abusive son. Now it is evident that these Grandparents pick and choose who they decide to love. This has devastated my kids because these children did nothing wrong except love their father and mother equally. The children are innocent victims in all of this and Jim and Becky Landers have only added to this emotional abuse of KJ, Megan, Amanda and Justin. For all of you that know Jim and Becky, when was the last time you heard them speak of K, M, or A? These two “grandparents” claim Nathan, Drew, Jessica, Luke, Sam, Ethan, Evan, Justin and even Kyle (Melody’s son) as their grandchildren. By pattern, I can only conclude that as soon as Justin claims his love for me, they will shun him as well. How can grandparents love with conditions? Why all the neglect directed towards K, M, and A? Their Magaw and Poppy should be ashamed. Having said that, it does explain why Kevin Sr. and Kelly don’t know how to love. It’s a learned behavior from Jim and Becky.

 In my research to try to understand, I learned how damaging PAS is to the kids. I survived my abuses and left Kevin after 18 years. But what about the kids? How can Kevin and Kelly expect their children, our children, to survive all the hate that they choose to force on these kids? What about Jim and Becky Landers who are also afraid and intimidated by Kevin and Kelly’s actions? These grandparents that choose to ignore K, M, A and J? What about the Baker and Seebauer family that once was able to openly express love in these 9 children’s lives? Now, the Seebauers and Baker’s have been shunned by two hateful, evil people that ONLY care about themselves?  Kevin and Kelly worked real hard to gain custody of the children but look at how they have treated them. They have lied to them, misled them, degraded them, manipulated and emotional harmed their trust and self worth.  These children’s feelings and lives are now based on lies, deception and manipulation by people who care more about hiding the truth than helping children that have suffered too much already.  Who is going to pick up the pieces of these broken children’s lives when they realize that “Mommy Kelly” and “Daddy Kevin” have lied to them all these years? I cannot stress enough how worried I am about these kids. The damaging scars on these children’s souls will be the responsibility of two hateful, evil liars that will be held accountable for this emotional abuse. Kevin and Kelly are so determined to try and prosecute John and I that their hateful rage has stomped on their own children’s hearts in the process of “winning at any price”.

But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don’t have to make it worse—and it’s doomsday to you if you do.”~ Matthew 18:6-7

 I have concluded that Kevin will never stop his path of destruction against his children as long as they love me. Kelly will continue campaigning on her emotional lies and abuse until John gives her all the money she demands. Either way, the damage on the children is done. Their emotional state is and will be broken into pieces when they find out the truth. And they will find out eventually. Their trust in others will never be solid because the two parents they loved and trusted told lies to them about two parents that loved them in spite of the divorces. I need to write this information down in hopes that others can understand all of this insanity that is so tumultuous to comprehend. And most of all, I know that the children will eventually find out the truth either from this blog, from John, from me or from others who want to share the “real story” about their parents and the basis for each divorce. My next blog entry will be a continuance of my struggles with my ploy to find my children and my diagnosis with epilepsy.

 I cannot say “thank you” enough for all the letters of support and encouragement I have received. All of you have been a blessing and strength to me in my darkest moments. God Bless all of you but most of all- God protect the children.

Rest…Regroup...Return

The behavioral outcome and emotional scars that the children will show from PAS are as follows:

Anger, Loss or lack of control in conduct, Loss of self confidence and self esteem, Separation Anxiety, Fears and Phobias, Depression and Suicidal Ideation, Sleep disorders, Eating disorders, Educational problems, Bedwetting, Drug abuse and Self destructive behavior, Obsessive compulsive behavior, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, Sexual identity problems, Poor peer relationships, Excessive feelings of guilt.

Please read in more detail how damaging this abuse inflicted by parents truly is on site below:

http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/17-prosufbychiduetotheeffofparalisyn.htm