The Alienation of Kevin Landers Sr and Kelly Landers Baker Barnes

An excerpt from a wonderful blog that feeds my soul – “A Cry For Justice”

“When the Dragon saw he'd been thrown to earth, he went after the Woman who had given birth to the Man-Child. The Woman was given wings of a great eagle to fly to a place in the desert to be kept in safety and comfort for a time and times and half a time, safe and sound from the Serpent. The Serpent vomited a river of water to swamp and drown her, but earth came to her help, swallowing the water the Dragon spewed from its mouth. Helpless with rage, the Dragon raged at the Woman, then went off to make war with the rest of her children, the children who keep God's commands and hold firm to the witness of Jesus.’  Revelation 12:13-17, The Message Version

(the quote continues) Abusers whisper lies in the ears of their victims night and day

They gossip and whisper to others night and day . . . they do not stop. And, if they cannot have one part of our lives, they try to take another.

The Enemy goes after whatever is vulnerable (or so he thinks?). Abusers are the same way. They go after what is vulnerable. And, if boundaries go up, they go after the children until boundaries are drawn again and then again and again. It is exhausting work to be in the path of an angry and evil abuser. It is why being a warrior is sometimes so very necessary.

If an abuser can no longer abuse you, he will go after those associated with you . . . friends, family, CHILDREN, co-workers and the like. He does not stop, I believe, unless he has found a new victim. That is why we read story after story of survivors who have lost their families because the abuser only sets out to destroy. The enemy, He or She, accuses and then the enemy lashes out at anyone associated with them. It is systematic.

The good news is that the Enemy cannot destroy us. Not really. Not if we cry out to God. To be sure, the enemy can hurt us, scar us, near-break us...but he cannot take our souls. Our soul is what he really wants.  Abusers cannot take our soul. Our soul which is safe in the care of Jesus. I believe it makes them so angry. They feel entitled to our soul and desire to own all of us/it. But they cannot own our spirits. Our spirits are sealed. And that is one of our many hopes.”-  A Cry For Justice

The above post on the A Cry For Justice blog inspired this entry I am about to write. I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. I have been free of physical abuse since my Abuser last struck me on January 9, 2005 – the morning that he left Ft. Bragg to deploy to Iraq. I have been free of his physical and sexual abuses for over 9 years this month.  I still have scars/Gran Mal seizures and sometimes still have nightmares but I am for the most part “healed”. Healed by the unconditional love of others; Healed by wonderful mentors; Healed by my children’s love for me; And most of all, healed by the hands of God.  As a grown adult, it was always my right to walk away from Kevin. But I had no idea that our children would be caught up in a “hate-web” because of his insane hate for me and John.  My children have suffered greatly by the actions their father has taken per his hate of me. He is the worst example of a parent. He continues per this very blog entry to require that our children demand I delete this blog “or else”.  Dare I say that he does not know how to love.  He uses his career, his church and his children to try to dilute who he really is but his biggest fear is that we already see his soul. We always have. That’s why he is terrified of my voice. He knows that he cannot deny what our children will confirm. Our 4 children and I lived with him behind closed doors, in secret for years and we know what he is. Can people change? I believe they can. I have. But Kevin continues to lie and try to intimidate the 4 people that want him to love them without games of manipulation. He has proven time and time again to me and our children that it is not love that he wants. He demands that all 4 of our children HATE me. If my children do not hate me, then they are banished from his money, support, life and any scarce amount of affection he can offer. Kevin and his current wife cannot cease to harass me. They continue to create false emails and posts claiming they are from me…with all Mr. Snowden has revealed, don’t they realize that the origin of all posts, emails, etc. can be determined by a half savvy, non-NSA person/geek?

I also have to line this up with John’s ex wife. Under the circumstances that you are all aware of and something John and I are not embarrassed about, it is a well known fact that we married into the Landers family. A family that is more dysfunctional than any other family I have ever encountered. I say this because in our divorces, our ex’s thought it was a victory for them to exclude us from our children. Although Kelly had more devotion than Kevin to keep her children together, she still has lied, manipulated and forbidden the children she and John share to have a remote amount of freedom to have contact with their father, John. So she is also a promoter of Hate and an abuser. Hate for a father that she is intimidated by because she fears the children may love John. She is right about that. She may have not given John physical scars or epilepsy but she has scarred his loving relationship with his children. Children that he treasures more than she does because he has never asked his 5 children to hate their mother. It is quite riveting to think about. How could two seemingly responsible, smart, motivated parents (Kevin Landers/Kelly Landers) from the same “Christian” family teach their children to hate another because they hate that person? Maybe hate has been taught all along in the Landers world. Perhaps John and I and our children were caught in the crossfire’s of the Landers instabilities. It is unfair, mean and evil that grown adults either encourage their children to hate or don’t try to stop the ones that are encouraging the hate. Abusers get away with abusing because others look the other way.

Why do others look the other way and not fight back?

I can answer that with my own experience. Abusers like Kevin and Kelly tattoo fear on their children’s hearts. Fear that they will go to jail if they communicate with the ex spouse; Fear of being sent away to a facility or boarding school if they communicate with the ex spouse; Fear that they will be disowned and thrown away and ignored (as Kevin did to my children many times) if they communicate with the ex spouse. Fear that they will be unloved, fear of persecution and fear of not being loved by the alienator if they communicate with the ex spouse. Fear of being hated by the one parent that said they were there for them. Kevin and Kelly also threaten the other people in the children’s lives that want to love them openly. My parents, John’s parents and John’s oldest son have had to “comply” with Kevin and Kelly’s demands of not talking about me nor John’s existence. If they do, then these loving grandparents and son are shut out completely. My father and mother in particular experienced firsthand Kevin’s wrath when Kevin sent our daughter away to live with them. My parents were firmly instructed to NEVER talk about me and if Kevin found out that they had tried to mention my name, he told my mom and dad that he would throw our daughter into a place where they would never find her again. With Kevin and Kelly, you must realize that you are dealing with first class bullies…actually they have no class at all.

As far as Kelly and Kevin trying to “protect” our children? Protect them from what? Love? Happiness? Freedom to communicate? I have read and have heard the descriptions of Kevin and Kelly’s actions of how they show love to their children. Our children. Let me give you some specific examples shared with me and John-

“If you help me prosecute your mother (aka speak lies about her), then she will come back to us.” (Kevin)

“If I ever find out that you have tried to talk to your father, I will take away your cell phone that I pay for” (Kelly)

“You have no right to talk to your mother because the judge says that she is unstable and you are not allowed to talk to her. If you do, you will go to jail” (Kevin)

“If you try to call your dad-who is a bad-bad, evil man-you will be in severe trouble and could go to jail” (Per Ethan in DEC 2006 telephone conversation when Ethan was only 7 years old) Side note: Ethan was very close to John and told John on this day that he was not “allowed” to talk to “you Dad, because Mom said the Judge said so”. And the school, mom, others wonder why Ethan has exhibited anger…a young man now with unanswered questions and constantly being told lies about his father by Kelly, his mother? Sad.

“If I find out that you are talking to your mother then I will stop paying your tuition” (Kevin per JRG)

“Your father is a felon and an abuser and he was mean to me and you should never have contact with him or it will hurt me so much”(Kelly to John’s 5 children)

“You better not have contact with your mother/father or I will put you into a home for disrespectful teens” (Kevin)(Kelly)

“You don’t have a father now because your dad doesn’t care about you or me! He ran off to Mexico so he could F**K  your Aunt Cathie” (Kelly to John’s children as early as 2006 & repeated often).

“The only dad that ever cared about you is Craig. That other man is a looser that left you.” (Kelly upon relationship with Craig. John nor I are aware of Craig ever degrading John in the presence of John’s children).

“If you ever talk to Justin about your mother, or tell your mom about him then I will cut you out of my and Justin’s  life completely”(Kevin)

To All 4 of my children-“Your mom is a felon hiding in Mexico with your uncle. She will be arrested if she comes back to the states and if you talk to her-you will be in trouble and go to jail as well.”(Kevin)(Melody)

The allegations of me being a felon can be proven as a lie with one document - a background check on me. If I’m all these things, then produce the proof…how can I dispute something that does not exist?

There are so many more examples but you get the picture. Kevin and Kelly are evil at worst and mean at best. They wake up every day worrying that this may be the day one of their children turn on them because of their lies. They deserve to have sleepless nights. John and I have lost 8 years of sleepless nights wanting to smell, hold, and kiss our children because of Kevin and Kelly’s master plan to punish us. It worked for awhile but not anymore. Our children are getting older and the day of reckoning is coming for all of us. I look forward to it for reasons that are obvious. Lies, hate, and manipulations never prevail. I pray these days come sooner than later.

Our children are still alive and healthy and John and I are thankful for that. Death is permanent and I am so blessed to not have to face that type of mourning but the loss of time with our kids during their childhood is very heartbreaking. But, they are alive and their living continues to provide me and John with hope. It’s a death of lost time that can never be replaced. I never want to bury a child, but I have had to bury time that I can never recover because Kevin is a mean, selfish person that wants to punish me more than love our children. Kelly and he are cut from the same cloth. The cloth of greed, hate and selfishness.  Greed because they must show the world how great and wonderful they are by coveting the children and how  they are selfish/arrogant as they profess no responsibility for 2 failed marriages-in the same family I might add. Hate because revenge taste better to them than love and selfishness once again because no loving, giving, responsible parent would ever teach their child to fear, hate, ignore or disown a parent, sibling, grandparent, cousin or another the child remembers and love’s secretly.

This brother and sister pathologically lie to their church, workplace, and neighbors in efforts to hide who they really are. The pitiful thing is that Lt. Col.  Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. and Kelly Landers Baker-Barnes actually believe that they are getting away with this Alienation. It has been said to me many times over the years by many people that they never believed the lies told by this brother and sister combo. Persons familiar with my divorce just didn’t know what to say. I have an outstanding reputation as an officer’s wife, a mother and a friend. I have been contacted by many who are appalled by Kevin’s behavior and have said, “I’m so sorry. If only I had known.”  Because of the active campaign Kevin and Melody orchestrated against me, my 3 oldest children and John from May 2005 through December 2010, I was led to start this Recreating Myself Blog to dispute the lies being told about my absence from my children. The hate mail from others quickly ceased and some of Kevin and my past military acquaintances offered encouragement and support for me. Hence is why I post this blog. Since January 11, 2011, I have refused to sit quietly while my ex husband and his current wife lie about me and our 4 children. Readers now know everything because I am not embarrassed or afraid anymore to share my story of a life with an abuser.

 John has also been told many times and just recently that those in Peachtree City/Fayette County Georgia that knew John, have never believed Kelly’s lies and they are saddened by her hatefulness towards John’s 5 children. They remember John as a God fearing, Godly, loving, devoted father and that Kelly looks very foolish to ever lose a man like John. Kelly is viewed as very evil to keep John from his children.

The ONLY way John will ever have a normal relationship with his 4 younger children is if Kelly has a change of heart or if John strikes it wealthy and buys his freedom to return to the USA.  All of you that know Kelly understand that she loves money more than anything else. John couldn’t buy her love in their 20 year marriage so John knows that no amount of money will ever please her. She is a wolf.

As for me, Kevin still continues to try to manipulate our children into trying to silence me or to help prosecute me. As in my prior blog entry Censorship it has been made very clear that I will continue to fight for the same rights he has. I no longer fear his threats or abuses and I am encouraging my children to not fear their father. He may be able to bribe our children now but what happens when these children become self-sufficient?  He has to bribe our children to come and spend time with him today. What kind of life will he have when he can’t manipulate our children anymore? It does not always involve “here’s money come see me”. It is much more perverted. He agreed to allow my youngest daughter to visit her brother Justin and to help continue offering financial support for a school drop out (she would have had to return to me if not for her father offering financial support to this 16 year old). But she would have to be his messenger in Mexico that would file false accusations against me and John in an effort to have the 2 of us incarcerated and sent back to the USA. A father that USES his daughter to do his dirty work. Once the Mexican courts saw what was happening, they reprimanded Kevin and our daughter and-typical- Kevin stopped having contact with our daughter.

The attempt to manipulate our 2 oldest children continues today. The “promise” changes over the years but it always involves being able to see their youngest brother- Justin. For a father to have to throw money at his children for power shows how weak he truly is. He does not know how to love. He only knows how to try to manipulate or abuse to get what he wants. I feel sorry that our children must endure his behavior because they want and need their father to love them without hating me. These children should be allowed and encouraged to love both of their parents despite our differences. It truly does show the immaturity, instability and evil that Kevin and Kelly carry everyday in their souls. Dare I say, I pity them for not learning  how to truly love without conditions.

Because they have had the biggest influence on our children these last 8 ½  years, my goal is to help our children learn a different way to live and love. Our children do not need to hate nor despise because someone has instructed them to do so. I want to show them that it is ok to love both their mom and dad. It is ok to be angry that we adults couldn’t get our acts together but it is also ok to talk about it. John and I both agree and have practiced with the children that can freely speak to us to talk about how they feel without the fear that they will be abandoned by our love. That it is ok to be angry. It is ok to be what you want to be and it is definitely ok to love who you love and to love all of us. John and I have not nor will we ever expect our children to hate another. I know how these alienators think. They will say, “I didn’t teach them hate. They chose to hate you on their own.” If that is the case then why not allow these same children to have the choice to be a part of all of our lives? Abusers like Kevin and Kelly play games that immature children play in a playground. They gossip, point, manipulate and try to gain power. Guess what. While Kevin and Kelly are still acting like adolescents, their 9 children are growing up and maturing and will SEE who the real liar, manipulator and hater is. They better start re-evaluating their priorities or they will die in a bed of loneliness. John and I have slept in that bed, and I refuse to allow us to die that way. We are patiently waiting because I know in my heart the day is coming for many embraces from our children.

I cannot stress enough to all of you that are going through this to continue to fight for your children. Although these Alienators like Kevin and Kelly will continue to try to manipulate our children’s minds, it is imperative that you show your children that you continue to be out there loving them every single day. I encourage all of you to write a blog, make videos for your children and continue to buy presents and cards for their birthdays and save them. Use the social media to try to show your children that you love them and there are lies being told to them. One day, and this day will come, your children are going to want to understand the truth. I have mentored and talked to 100’s of mothers, fathers, and children that are going through this hell right now. Women like me that left an abusive relationship, fathers that were pillars of society now ripped away from their babies, and recently young adult children that are now speaking out against the parent who lied to them. Our voices can make a difference.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ~ Mother Teresa

I have many resources to share-too many to post here. So please contact me through phone or email if you need help either with Domestic Violence or Parental Alienation. I can help or direct you to resources that can help as well.

We will get through this together.

“Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.” James 1:12 (MSG)

Let it begin with me~

***A side note***  I was just recently sent this wonderful description. I think it compliments what I am saying above and I had to post it. Per request, I am keeping it anonymous.

“Almost everyone involved with a psychopath goes through a phase (and form) of denial. It’s very tough to accept the sad reality that the person who claimed to be your best friend or the love of your life is actually a backstabbing snake whose sole purpose in life is humiliating and dominating those around him. Rather than confront this reality, some victims go into denial entirely. They aren’t ready to accept any part of the truth, which, when suppressed, often surfaces in anxiety, projection and nightmares.

At some point, however, the evidence of a highly disturbed personality shows through, especially once the psychopath is no longer invested in a given victim and thus no longer makes a significant effort to keep his mask on. Then total denial is no longer possible. The floodgates of reality suddenly burst open and a whole slew of inconsistencies, downright lies, manipulations, criticism and emotional abuse flows through to the surface of our consciousness.

However, even then it’s difficult to absorb such painful information all at once. Our heart still yearns for what we have been persuaded, during the luring phase, was our one true love. Our minds are still filled with memories of the so-called good times with the psychopath. Yet, the truth about the infidelities, the constant deception, the manipulation and the backstabbing can no longer be denied. We can’t undo everything we learned about the psychopath; we cannot return to the point of original innocence, of total blindness. The result is a contradictory experience: a kind of internal battle between clinging to denial and accepting the truth.

Cognitive dissonance is a painful incredulity marked by this inner contradiction in the victim’s attitude towards the victimizer. In 1984, perhaps the best novel about brainwashing that occurs in totalitarian regimes, George Orwell coined his own term for this inner contradiction: he called it doublethink. Doublethink is not logical, but it is a common defense mechanism for coping with deception, domination and abuse. Victims engage in doublethink, or cognitive dissonance, in a partly subconscious attempt to reconcile the contradictory claims and behavior of the disordered individuals who have taken over their lives.

The denial itself can take several forms. It can manifest itself as the continuing idealization of the psychopath during the luring phase of the relationship or it can be shifting the blame for what went wrong in the relationship from him, the culprit, to ourselves, or to other victims. In fact, the easiest solution is to blame neither oneself nor the psychopath, but other victims. How often have you encountered the phenomenon where people who have partners who cheat on them lash out at the other women (or men) instead of holding their partners accountable for their actions? It’s far easier to blame someone you’re not emotionally invested in than someone you love, particularly if you still cling to that person or relationship.” ~