After returning my 8 and 10 year old children to their
father in NC, I returned to GA with my 14 year old son. I was exhausted. I could not believe the hate
and actions I had endured at the lies of Kevin Landers, Sr. He acted self
righteous; acted like a father who cared about his children when in fact all he
cared about was the control he had over me by taking away my babies. I can
honestly say that one of the many reasons why I admire John is because he never
tried to manipulate his children against Kelly. Nathan was old enough (15 yrs) to
choose who he wanted to be with just like my oldest son, K. However, John
believed that the children should be with their mother even through a divorce.
John had cause to use his children as a tool to manipulate his 5 children to
hate their mother-but he never did nor has he to this day. John is a man of grace and integrity. A man
that respects children, women and mothers. All who know him know this to be true. Some
may look at John’s current situation and point fingers at him as the “dead-beat
father.” But, this is not true. His
story involves the judge being dismissed from the bench; Class action lawsuit
in GA; false police reports filed by the children’s mother; Etc. etc. etc. I
will write about this in future blogs.
Kevin, on the other hand used our children as tools without
considering their feelings. Kevin tried to claim that our children were better
off with him because he could better financially, emotionally and religiously
support them. But this was all a ploy that later was a proven lie. Kevin did
financially support our children as long as they were WITHIN his
household. I would call to speak to my
children and Kevin would refuse and then taunt me, curse me and say to hold
while he got the kids for me. I could hear him talking to them and them asking “is
that mommy?” and he would tell them “No” as I sat hopelessly on the other end
of the phone. This would infuriate me and I would cry and beg to talk to my
kids and Kevin would record me at this state after he taunted me and would play
the recordings back to my children and family and claim that I was drunk and
angry and unstable…a practice that continued through 2008. In 2008 when I
stopped calling, Kevin would call and sit quietly until I answered. Once John started
answering the calls Kevin ceased his “prank calls”. While I was in GA with my oldest son and the 3
youngest children with their father in NC, I had no other place to go and the
only people willing to help me and my son were in GA. I was working part time
and trying to make ends meet, but between my financial and emotional state things
were very tough. I could not afford to drive the 6 hours to NC to see Megan, Amanda
and Justin nor could I afford a hotel to stay while I had visitation. Kevin knew this and it was all in his plan to
try to convince the court system that “I was” the deadbeat mother. I could not
afford an attorney and when I looked into the option of a court appointed
attorney it was clear that to qualify I would have to live within the county (a
stipulation that might could have been adjusted once I had an attorney to argue
I qualified for a court appoint) the system in NC was not fair “hire an
attorney to show I couldn’t afford an attorney”? Kevin had
his military pay, military medical benefits, a home, and a “live in Nanny” who
we all know was his live in girlfriend, Melody Wilson Landers (she had moved in
with Kevin within 3 weeks of his return from Iraq?). So it was me and my oldest
son Kevin just trying to make it in GA. John
was still traveling with his company and by this point Nathan was living with
John per his mother’s hateful behavior towards Nathan. Needless to say, John
was dealing with his own battles financially and emotionally. We were starting to spend more time together
and started seeing each other more and more as we could. Our “love interest”
was beginning in the midst of this storm. For the first time since I met John
in 1986, I “saw” him. I could tell that
K was very sad and angry and I could not blame him. Everything was falling
apart and Kevin, Sr. was still playing games using the 3 younger children. K
would try to call them and he was refused contact by his father. I knew that
the children were living in an environment of severe control and manipulation.
Kevin’s goal was to try to isolate them from me because he knew that this would
rip my heart out. He did not care about the children or their feelings. He did
not care that he was slowly breaking down their self-worth or trust in any
adult. He did not care that he was emotionally harming the kids by telling them
that “Mommy doesn’t love you anymore. I am the only one who loves you now.” My
suspicions of Kevin’s behavior was confirmed when I started talking to his now
wife Melody back in Oct. 2006. As I have stated before, Melody called me out of
the blue. I hesitated to talk to her, but the need to have some information
about my children was so strong so she shared many things with me about Kevin’s
behavior towards the children. She told me that Kevin had thrown away any remnants
of me as their mother. Thrown away the pictures, the letters, my clothes, my
personal items, my life; All thrown away. Melody told me (a story later
confirmed by Amanda in 2009 and then Megan in 2011) that one evening Kevin had
lined the kids up on the sofa and was pacing back and forth yelling at them
“YOU are not allowed to speak your mother’s name in this house. As far as you
are concerned she is dead. She has chosen to live her life f@#King other men”.
Kevin went to the schools and spread lies about me telling teachers that I was
unstable and if I ever showed up to their schools to call the police because of
my instabilities. Just to let all of my readers
know, there has never been a restraining order granted that forbade me to have
contact with my children-EVER! Kevin continues to hold to this lie.
Kevin continued his campaign against me in front of the
children. Melody told me that at family gatherings, Jim, Becky and Kelly would
degrade and berate me and John to all nine children. Let me stress that Brain
and Suzie had no part in this. Kevin monitored every phone call the children
made and internet chat to ensure that they were not trying to contact me. The
children were not allowed to have contact with my family. The children were not
allowed to have sleepovers or go to sleepovers for a long time because Kevin
feared that one of the kids may try to call me. According to Melody, Kevin threatened
the children that if he found out that one of them tried to contact me, there
would be severe consequences. Now, here are children (ages 8yrs, 10yrs and
12yrs) that watched their father beat me in front of them. The kids were
terrified of him and that is exactly what their father wanted. He thrived on controlling
women and children by fear. Because no one truly respects Kevin, the only way
he could gain control over me and the kids was by physical and emotional
intimidation. Kevin’s plan to alienate
me from the children started to work in his favor. As the clocked ticked from
weeks, into months, and then years, Kevin’s story started to become creditable-or
so it seemed. Can you imagine the emotional toil this was taking on our kids?
Kevin can say that the children suffered because of our divorce and my absence
and he hides behind these excuses even today. But, if you look at all of the dynamics of the
hateful games he played to try to control me, the emotional damage he has
caused our children by his actions are far worse. He states he was protecting
the children. Let me ask my readers, was he protecting the children from me or
was he protecting himself by silencing our children? It is very clear. Kevin wanted to hold the
children as close to him as he could by the use of fear. Fear that one day,
when the children felt strong enough, they may expose his behavior and confirm
my allegations. Kevin’s game is to
manipulate the children into hating me and then maybe they would not speak
about the abuse. He still does not deny striking me, he just says that the
abuse was not that bad and me leaving him was not because of the arguing but
because I fell in love with John. Our 3 oldest children that I have been in
contact with have confirmed their father’s abuse and believe that had I stayed
with their father, he would have killed me. I want to stress to all my readers I NEVER
LEFT MY CHILDREN. When I separated from their father, 3 of the 4 children chose
to be with me (the 4th child soon chose to be with me as well). So,
all 4 children knew they wanted to be with me because of their father’s anger
and evil. They were stolen from me and held hostage by their father. I
unfortunately did not have the money I needed to set them free. In other words,
I could not buy my children’s freedom from the courts and Kevin was able to pay
to keep the kids in a square box. That box has a label on it, “Fragile Souls Inside”
US Army LTC. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. exhibited behavior
during our separation and continues this behavior to this very moment. His
behavior has not changed. He has not changed.
His behavior has a diagnosis. It
is called Parentectomy. A counselor of
many years shared with me several articles and stories that were so similar to
mine. Most of the time, it is the mother who tries to alienate the children
from their father, but in ALL of the cases where it is the father that pursues
this hateful act, the father was ALWAYS abusive to the mother. Please read this article for further
information on his psychological torture of our four children.
Now let’s continue. I
have established that I am running out of options. I moved out of David Reeves
basement and gave away all the furniture I owned to an origination that was
gathering household items for Katrina victims. I was determined that David
Reeves was not going to benefit from my furniture or household goods that I
would have had to leave with him. I needed to move out ASAP and the
organization was more than happy to come to the basement apartment and move
every piece of furniture I had. Until I could find a place to live, I stayed
with a very dear friend Steve Cummins. John had left town and KJ and I were pretty
much on our own. Out of the blue, I got an email from my twin sister Caron
Ryan. (I will write in my next entry about my experience with my sister and her
husband.) Caron offered for me and KJ to stay with her until I got on my feet.
I was relieved. Although it was kind of
Steve to open his home to K and I, he had a family of his own to care for and
I was ready to move forward. K and I caught an Amtrak train to New Jersey.
Both of us were tired and remained quiet most of the trip. I felt sad for my
son K. He had been through a lot and I hoped this move would be a good one for
both of us. If any of you have ever suffered from insomnia, you understand the
physical toile it takes. But mine was more than insomnia. My body was tired yes, but my mind would not
let me sleep. I was in a daze. A couple of times, K would ask me a question
and I did not hear him. I just stared into space but saw nothing. My mind kept
rewinding over and over again everything that had happened….all the words, the
hate, the tears, the torture. I turned and just stared out the window through
my reflection watching things whiz by…I looked horrible. I had dark circles
under my eyes, my hair was greasy, my face was thin and my eyes looked hollow.
I had not looked in a mirror at myself in days. I didn’t even recognize who I
was anymore. I almost started to cry but held in my tears for the sake of my
son. So I just kept looking at myself
and saw nothing but an eternal, deep, heart-wrenching sadness. I could not cry
anymore. I could not smile. I could not be angry. I just moved my body when I
had to and when I wasn’t moving, I was just stared at complete nothingness.
"We see
everything through a glass, darkly. Sometimes we can peer through the glass and
catch a glimpse of what is on the other side. If we were to polish the glass
clean, we'd see much more. But then we would no longer see ourselves.”
Rest…Regroup..Return
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