Col Kevin P Landers Melody Landers-Cyberbully Update

My ex-husbands wife Melody Landers has been harassing John and I for years now. I was made aware of lies she quietly told family, neighbors, friends and even lied to our children about me and John. These lies were brought to my attention as family members started to realize she was unstable and from my children who decided they wanted to live with me. My children-now young adults- have told me many accounts of Melody's verbal rages behind closed doors and all the lies she tried to tell them about me and John. The children never believed her which infuriates her even more.
I really could not do anything about what Melody said behind my back quietly, but I am ready to put a stop to her public defamation of me, John, and now the children that want nothing to do with her.

One of her first public attacks was on John's 20th Highschool class reunion website, Facebook page, and University website page in 2010. Melody had created a fake account posing as John and wrote some pretty degrading, horrific lies. John's friends from high-school and college knew it was not John and collectively reported Melody and she was removed immediately from those sites.
Another public attack was on my Mountain Home High school alumni page. She created a fake account with my maiden name(Cathie Seebauer) and once again wrote-posing as me-horrific lies. My friends knew it was not me and Melody was again removed. John and I have screen shots, written letters by friends and family that would be willing to testify and documented proof that it was indeed Melody that was the imposter.

Another public attack was a posting in 2012 as herself here in San Miguel on an online website called Civil San Miguel de Allende, MX. This website allows expats and locals to post questions about our surrounding city. One can find and post rental information, classifieds, and questions about San Miguel. Melody took it upon herself to create a post that degraded John, myself and our daughter "A" who still lives here. People that I had never met here in San Miguel contacted me and asked me if I knew who this Melody Landers was. I asked them-
"Oh no-what has she done now?" 
They told me that they had her post removed because they knew she was spreading horrible lies about me and our minor daughter at that time. I had no idea why Melody would even care to take the time to create a post on a site that doesn't pertain to her at all. I believe her intention was to try to ruin our outstanding reputation as good citizens in this city-yet it back fired on her because now San Miguel, which happens to be a close-knit community-is well aware of Melody Landers hateful actions and it is not tolerated nor accepted in this peaceful, loving community.

Another recent tactic Melody did was to post on John's son Nate's Georgia Southern website. Nate is a football coach at GA Southern and once again, Melody used her own name and posted horrible, slanderous lies about John. John and Nathan are very close and talk everyday. I assume Melody's intention was to try to make John appear in a bad light to Nathan's friends and colleagues. John along with his family and friends follow GA Southern website and John was getting bombarded with messages and phone calls asking John-"What the heck is wrong with this lady?"
Good question and one that will appear more clear as you continue to read below.

Melody has posed as our children. She had hidden keyloggers on the children's computers, phones, x-boxs ect. Keyloggers are good tools to have as long as you don't use them to hack into others social accounts. Melody has a pattern of doing this to ALL 4 of my children and her daughter. She gave her daughter a computer as a "college present" and without "Kay's" knowledge, she put a hidden keylogger on that computer. "Kay" did discover it when Melody also started posing as her daughter. Pretty weird lady. Melody also bought a computer for our daughter "A" in 2012 and "A" was smart enough to ask a computer tech to check to see if there was a hidden keylogger on her computer. There was. Why is Melody so insecure that she has to hack into other peoples personal lives or maybe she is what she claims I am-
A Stalker. 
The most current has been my youngest son. When "J" chose to leave his father and Melody to live with his sister, he did not realize that Melody was hacking into his Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail, Facebook, Cell Phone and X-box because when "J" tried to log into his media sites after he left, all the passwords and security questions had been changed. All this time-Melody was posing as Justin on his Facebook-something I already knew but my "J" did not. I shared with "J" the copies of private messages from "his" Facebook these last 10 years. He said-"Mom-I never wrote those things."  "J" had to create a new Facebook because he could not get into his old one. The old Facebook still exists so if you receive messages from this Facebook link Justins Hacked Facebook  let me stress it is not Justin-It's Melody Landers. 

An update on my son's "J) old Facebook ubove. "J" reported to Facebook that his step-mother hacked into it so Facebook immediately removed it. "J" has also reported his hacked e-mail accounts and has informed all of his contacts from these accounts that if they receive any correspondents from the email accounts he listed-to delete them. "J" is currently creating new accounts and we are helping him secure these accounts so that Melody will have no access to his private life any longer.

So here is a severe warning to anyone that has communicated with "J" on his media sites up until the time he left his fathers home in Jan. 2015-Some communications may have been Melody and anything that you thought was private-was seen by Melody.  If anyone out there has visited Melody and Kevin's home and used their computers or cell phones-Melody has all your passwords and don't be naive to think she won't hack into your personal accounts. Melody's actions are an Invasion of Privacy or Intrusion of Solitude and Seclusion. This can constitute time and/or a hefty fine if pursued in court.

There are so many more examples but below are the most recent and it is time that I put a stop to Melody's hateful antics I do believe Melody is very angry and concerned that now 5 out of 6 children that were under her care chose to leave her and Kevin. The child Melody is most frustrated about is my youngest son "J." She truly thought that her lies to him about me would stick after 10 years but once "J" was free to talk to me he told me and his siblings-"I never forgot all the happy moments and that's what helped me survive all these years." Justin never hated us. He had to survive until legally he could walk away from his fathers home-and he did just that in January.

Melody knows that we are learning what really happened these last 10 years to him and she is afraid that she will be exposed. Well-I am ready to do just that if she does not stop texting hateful words and threats to my children like-"you are going to court and then jail." Melody is exhibiting behavior of a first class bully. If she does not stop posting defaming, slanderous things about me, John and now the kids I will continue to expose her hateful rants. A woman who has publicly posted for years how much she "loves her bonus kiddos" is now posting horrible things about them. What kind of mother figure does that? Heck-what kind of human being does that to kids?

Melody methodically threw away my childrens books, pictures, memorabilia, toys, holiday decorations, stuffed animals or anything that reminded my children of their past yet she has a shrine of her late son Kyle. Kyle Ray who was a 19yr old boy that had severe disablities that prevented him from speaking or use of physical independence. Kyle's well being relied totally on Melody and he died at a very young age. Melody worships her late son but where are the pictures of her living daughter she carried for 9 months inside her? Where is Kayla's shrine? Why is Melody's daughter Kayla not treasured? Is it because she was not handicapped or is it because Kayla could use her voice. Is it because Kayla was taken away from Melody at a young age and Melody resents her own daughter? It's not Kayla's fault that her mother was unstable.
A very clear picture is evident here. Melody had 6 children(my 4 and her daughter and son) at one point under her care, 5 of those 6 chose to leave her and Kevin's home. Kyle did not have a choice or a voice but the 5 other children did. Melody continues to hide behind her late son's legacy yet she fails to tell the truth about what really happened behind closed doors to my children and her daughter. The kids are now talking because they are not the young children that can be silenced, controlled or bullied into lies to protect their father and now his second wife-Melody Morrison Wilson Landers. These 5 kids are now legal adults and they are sick of Melody's slander, hatred, bullying and threats of-
"I'm going to take you to court and you are going to jail."
How many more times is Melody going to use that "scare tactic?"
It's getting quite old and it's not working anymore.

I have for the most part tried to ignore Melody's harassment and bullying but in all honesty there were times I got caught up in "defending myself" and "firing back". As much as I try to ignore her, it becomes a different playing field when she is now going after my children. Melody being married to a high ranked-high profiled Army officer should impress her enough to act as a spouse of a US Military Colonel. However, Melody's behavior exposes her ignorance. She does not seem to understand that her behavior does affect Kevin and his role as an officer. When soldiers climb the ranks, the military world gets smaller and smaller which means the spot-light gets a lot bigger and brighter. Of course with Col Landers job as commander of The Corp of Engineers, he is also in a significant leadership position. It appears that Melody does not understand nor care that her public defamations and lies against Col Landers children and myself is a direct reflection of her character and her role as a spouse/officers wife. In lou of the fact that Col Landers is married to Melody-Her public display and behavior is a reflection of his personal life. 
With the current events of "J" leaving their home & care, FOR GOOD REASON, Melody and Col Landers emotional cruelty to these chilren comes to light once again...a reflection of the turmoil that exist in the relationship of Col & M. Morrison-Wilson-Landers.. 

Melody, as Col Landers wife, should be presenting herself with grace, dignity, professionalism, class and integrity. She is doing none of these as you will see in the screen shots below. I am not sure if Kevin wants to pursue the rank of General like my brother-in-law Jeff has , but if he does-he needs to have a long talk with his wife Melody. My sister Debbie, General Milhorns wife, is the epitome of not only an excellent wife, but a shining example of a outstanding officers wife. Debbie sets the bar very high. One that Melody needs to try to reach if she truly wants to support her husband Col Landers more than harass me, John and our children.
My brother-in-law's Frocking Ceremony to Brigade General

So below are the most recent screen shots of "postings" by Melody. My friends and family have brought these postings to my attention and the one question is always-"Why is she so hateful?"
Melody is infamous for posting hateful lies and words on social media sites and then deletes them.
I learned many years ago to screen shot and document everything because Melody claims I harass and cyber-bully her. She also states that I have made YouTube videos stating that I will kill Kyle(Melody's son). It's interesting that those videos were never produced in the courts. Why?-Because there are no videos. I have NEVER threatened anyone with bodily harm. Melody also insists that I send emails to friends, families and Col Landers work. I have not and I am sure that if emails have been sent-they can be tracked by IP addresses and I'm confident that it will be traced back to one person-Melody Morrison Wilson Landers. Melody also states on her Pinterest page called Cyberbullying- Melody's Pinterest Page Cyberbullying-that I have a criminal background. Once again, another significant lie or "Perjury". I have never committed of a crime and have a clean slate with law enforcement. I just got my Passport renewed because I have planned trips in the future to travel to the states to visit with my children (to include Kayla-Melody's daughter), my in-laws, Johns son and of course our families. So, after reading the horrible things and lies Melody writes and speaks, you will conclude that Melody is the bully and if she does not stop-we will be forced to continue to make this public and if she still doesn't stop with my asking-we will be willing to stop her legally. Something I'm sure Col Kevin P Landers Sr. does not want, need, nor has time for.

                                                                                                                                 

Here is the original picture of me taken off of my older daughters Facebook. This picture was taken while cooking Christmas dinner with my daughters last year. Myself, and my younger daughter "A" were cooking in my kitchen and Skyped with my older daughter in Montana so we could all feel like we were cooking together. Below this picture is the same cropped picture that Melody stole off of my daughters Facebook and wrote as you can see-
"always calling someone else fat. Why don't you look in the mirror lady. looks like you might have couple of chins going on there. May want to start running again...quit bullying the retards.
Let me stress there is no documentation that I have ever called anyone a retard because I never have. She also states that I called my 2 son's girlfriends fat. Once again-these two girls know that I have not. As far as "bothering" her. I have not had contact nor desire to in years-another lie. As far as the Geneva Convention?-it is obvious that Melody has no idea what this agreement serves.

In this screenshot above, Melody claims that I taught my son how to surf porn(on the far left) because I talked about porn all the time. Lets keep in mind that I had not been in my son's life for 10 years so this is a bold face lie. I have written in my blog that Col Landers had a porn addiction in our marriage(something the children remember) but according to my son "J"-he said he was forbidden to read my blog so he never did. So, if Melody lies about sick stuff like this (especially publicly embarrassing our son) one can only assume she lies about everything.

The next picture below (to the far left) Melody pins a picture that states I'm a whore and that I don't even go to church. Now she doesn't mention my name, but how many people do you know that are in a loving relationship with their EX-brother-in-law? What mature, reasonable woman-especially a Colonel's wife-thinks she is displaying about her character when she goes around calling women whores? That's a term abusers use to degrade their victims.

This picture below is also from Melody's Pinterest account. She changed her name to n, but if you copy the link, it goes directly to her page.
In this picture below she refers to John as "skanky" and me as a "cheater"(far left). To the far right-she calls me a "self-absorbed whore". Once again-a term that mature, respectable, Christian women do not use. Melody also calls me a worthless piece of shit(far left) WOW! Terminology she recently called Justin after he got home from boot-camp. Yet, she says that I call others horrible names?

In this screen-shot below, 
 Melody insults her step-children(my children) by stating that they are just skating by (Far-Left). Quite the contrary. After the children chose to leave their fathers home-they excelled at a very rapid rate.
Something that my youngest son(who just left his father) is doing as well. Then to the far right-Melody writes-"thought they(Col Landers kids) could "spunge" off us forever" Melody is referring to her precious bonus-children. This doesn't appear to be a loving, supportive step-mother. It appears to be an angry, immature, unstable woman. It is understandable why my children couldn't wait to leave their fathers home because if she post this on a social media sites-it confirms to me that when my children tell me-"Mom-she is really mean behind closed doors." I believe them.

In this picture below, Melody writes(far left)-
"4 U Erin. He doesn't want your skanky ass and you only wish you were me" 
Erin is short for Catherine and once again Melody calls me a skanky whore. A word not becoming of an officers wife let alone a woman of class. The "he" she is referring to is Kevin. I think it is obvious that Col Landers and I both decided that we did not want each other anymore.

In this last pic- in the center- Melody writes-
"haters gonna hate bitch please you got nothing to be hated on Nobody cares about a home-wrecking whore that is bi-polar white trash"
Melody claims to be an upstanding Christian woman but I have never heard a Christian woman talk, write or act the way Melody does. Her public words of loving her children to include her bonus appear to be only for show because as you can see in some of her above posts-she says mean things about the kids. Not only is she posting mean things, now she is texting mean things and after 10 years of this-I think Col Landers, myself and our 4 children would agree that it's time that Melody stops with all this slander, defamation and YES-stalking.

Let me stress as I have in prior blogs-I will stop posting in this blog if Melody and Col Landers stop the hate & lies. I am positive that Col Landers is unaware of some of the things that Melody post. I am once again bringing awareness so that Col Landers understands that what Melody tells him and what is reality are very different. 
Society calls that a lie.

I still do not understand why Melody won't stop. My friends and family have brought to my attention many times Melody's hateful rants. She has been reported by me, my family, my friends, the children and even people I don't know. She has gotten her hands slapped a few times by these public media sites, yet she lets time pass and then she starts up again. It is obvious that she has a lot of anger, rage, and instabilities inside of her.  
To this-I don't know why nor do I care but what I do care about is that she stops. There is nothing gained from Melody's hatred and if she truly supports and loves her husband- Col Landers-Melody will consider what is in his best interest. Something she may prove to be incapable of doing.

Melody Landers, Col Kevin P Landers Sr. Transcripts

Once again, I feel I must share information in an effort to defend my name and honor against my liars.

Starting this blog more than 3 years ago has been therapeutic to me but has also been a means for me to defend the lies that are continually still being told by my ex husband Col Kevin P Landers and his second wife Melody Wilson Landers.

After 10 years of choosing to file for divorce from Kevin because of his abuses, I am still being harassed by them.

I like any other person out there have a Twitter, a Facebook, YouTube and recently a Pinterest.

I enjoy the socialization , the sharing with my friends and family, and the detachment we all need utilizing these social sites. I share pictures of myself, my family, and children. 

I have shared pictures of my youngest son from his high school graduation.

This one above-I took a screen shot of off of his public graduation video. Melody filed a false complaint to Facebook stating that I stole it from her. If you look up my son's video on the school website, you will see that I did not steal it from Melody's pictures at all yet she continually lies and gets away with it. 

I don't understand why this woman is so obsessed with me loving Justin openly? She has the right to love my son just as much as I do yet she obsessively tries to get my pictures and videos to him deleted. Why so much hatred for a mom that loves her son Kyle the way I love my children? She understands what it is like to love a child (although she does not claim her daughter Kayla). She knows today what it feels like to lose a child and although my son is still alive, the 10 years I have lost with him can never be replaced. How can Melody spew so much hatred towards me-a mom that loves her children-when she is also a mother herself that should understand that no matter the circumstances, we are mothers whether bonus or biological. I don't view Melody as loving Justin more than me or me more than her. I can understand why she loves him so much. She forgets that I was there everyday and night for the first 8 years of his life before she stepped into the picture. He's a great kid. I know because I raised him the first part of his life. I am not trying to take Justin away from her. I am just a mom that immensely loves all her kids-bio and bonus.

I have made videos on YouTube for my estranged son to let him know in these 10 years that I love him. YouTube was the only avenue I had to communicate with Bogey because his father forbade him to speak to me or his siblings in over 7 years. 

In my advice to other parents that are facing Parental Alienation, I have told them to make videos for their children regularly so the kids will see that have not been left or forgotten.

The ONLY reason why Kevin and Melody can't get those videos deleted is because I do not mention my son's legal name. Pretty sad that these two adults are so afraid that Bogey will see my love for him on these videos. Here is an example of a video that my youngest son siblings and I made for him on his 16th birthday Sept. 28th, 2012. Up to this point, this was the ONLY way we could wish  a Happy Birthday because his father forbid us to have contact with Bogey. Here is one of many videos that you can view on my YouTube channel.

Bogey's 16th Birthday wish from me and his siblings in 2012

I recently decided to post voice mails left by Melody on our answering machine. I kept every one of those voice mails just in case I would need them to once again defend the false claims that I am stalking her. That she is afraid of me. That I made a video that I threatened Kyle and made fun of him. The interesting thing is that Melody cannot produce this threatening video for the courts because I never made a video. Under the laws, any persons that threatens bodily harm to another can be prosecuted to the fullest extent. The authorities can petition for the video to be pulled out of the archives of any company so why can't the authorities find the video? Because I never made one and I have every right to prosecute Melody for slander for this horrific lie amongst others she has concocted. 

I have NEVER threatened anyone in my life especially the life of a child. 

Recently, my father has been very ill. Melody claims that I cannot go back to the USA because of my "Class 4 Felony Warrants" which is a lie.  But before my travels, just to be on the safe side-I contacted Law Enforcement in every city I have ever lived in and every town Kevin and Melody have lived in and there are no warrants, or felony's or bounced checks or even a dang speeding ticket against me. I have legal documentation that I can travel freely anywhere I choose. 

I have and will continue to come and go as I please because I am a free law abiding citizen.

Melody lies about everything and to anyone that will believe her nonsense. However, I do believe that she is in a frenzy right now because the children are older and will not lie for her or their father nor will they stay quiet.

I posted videos of Melody's voice mails to show that Melody called us ALL the time. I also posted these voice mails because Melody has posed as me on the phone, in emails and other social sites. I wanted the general public to know that my voice is VERY different than Melody's. In allowing people to hear her voice, I wanted others to hear what kind of character she really is.

Melody is very concerned about people finding out what kind of person she is and thus is why she has once again achieved deleting her voice mails off of  my YouTube.

So, I am not going to take the time out of my busy life, nor give her power to lie again and get them deleted to satisfy her hunger to harass me once again.

In this transcript below are the voice mails that were deleted, Melody laughs about having police officers being kicked back in her apartment waiting for Col Kevin P Landers and also about getting a restraining order on him as well. A restraining order is no laughing matter yet Melody once again uses the system to lie, intimidate and harass others when she gets angry.

I did file a restraining order against Kevin because I feared for my and my children's lives yet Melody files a restraining order against Kevin because in her exact words-

"I got my satisfaction of the embarrassment of him having to stand there" as she is laughing on the voice mails.

John and I did not find it funny and it was at that point that we knew we were talking to someone that is a liar, mean and will go to any lengths to "make someone suffer" for her vengeful pleasure. It's women like Melody that make it very difficult for victims like myself to receive help by a court of law when Melody uses the courts time as a means to humiliate another. 

Whether Col Landers abused Melody or not-I do not know for sure because she lies so much.

However, there were plenty of times that she shared with me that he was very mean to her and she was afraid of him and because I am a survivor by the hands of Kevin, of course I chose to believe her and console her.

So this is a warning to anyone that is in Melody's circle-if she decides she doesn't like you this is the type of games she plays. Melody is very good at lying, controlling and manipulating peoples friendship for her own gain. She will and has used family members and her child as a shield to gain sympathy for her lies. She has and will degrade, verbally abuse and threaten children with abandonment of financial support, taking them to court or  the refusal her "love" if they don't hate who she wants them to. Ask my children and her daughter. 

She will go to ANY lengths and has to get her way even if that means lying under oath in a court of law. She is the wolf in sheep's clothing.

I must stress that Col Landers is not naive to Melody's tactics as he has also lied under oath. But, if push comes to shove and the Colonel fears that he may get in trouble- in a heartbeat-he will blame everything on Melody because that's the kind of man he is-

A weak, lying, heartless abuser that will go to any lengths, including using his children as pawns for his selfish needs. 

I can't give a more extreme warning than this-

Stay away from Melody Landers and her abuser Col Kevin P Landers Sr.

Below is the transcribed voice mails that got deleted.

If you would like to hear all the audios, feel free to contact me and I will play them for you.

As far as Melody is concerned-

I find her to be a very miserable, lonely, bitter, mean human being that needs to find more outlets than taking so much time out her "happy?" life to continually harass me for her entertainment.

I have shared my story on this blog about my life with domestic violence. My story has come to an end because I became a survivor. I have no more words to share about my past life but as long as Col. Kevin P Landers and Melody continue to harass me whether by using my social media sites, my children, the legal system or otherwise-I will continue to defend myself and write in this blog.

When will Melody realize that EVERY time she tries to get my pictures deleted, my videos deleted, my words deleted and post false accusations against me-I will keep using my voice?

How about I propose this to them-

Leave me alone and move on with your lives. Stop obsessively  looking at my Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube and harassing me by getting things deleted with your fake legal documents and fabricated, immature lies. It is harassment and makes me wonder why you are so obsessed with me as much as you say you hate me?
Allow me to love our shared children and families openly without harassment. I respect that you love your life so give me and John the same freedom to love ours without the constant lies and threats that the FBI, the CIA, DEA, IRS, ICE, Interpole and whoever else you say you have close ties with is coming to get us. It makes you look quite ridiculous to others that the law doesn't have anything better to do than to "hunt' me and John down. Everyone knows where we live and although we live in Mexico, we are still US citizens that must abide by the US laws as well as here in Mexico. I have never broken a law here or in the states and I don't plan on it. I love my country and I love our soldiers that defend it. Please remember-I was a military spouse for 18 years and taught my 4 children to honor patriotism. 

It's been 10 years since the divorce. 
I am kindly asking that the hatred finally stop.

Leave me alone and I won't have to post anymore in my blog.

Keep harassing me-and my need to defend myself will continue on this blog that now has well over 36,000 views.

It's as simple as that.

Having said all this, our children are all adults now so there is no more custody battles. I have gracefully stepped away and allow the children to make their own choices praying that whatever they choose-they are happy and safe. Whatever path they choose, I will love them without conditions.

My wish is that Kevin and Melody one day find it their hearts to do the same for the sake of the children and our future grandchildren.
The ball is in their court.
Here are the transcribed voice mails.

Voice Mail #1

Hey, It's Melody.
I was just calling
to let you know what had happened (laughing)
It wasn't really anything-really.
Just by the time he got here,
there was like 4 police officers
and they were just like
kicked back in my apartment. (chuckles)

It was just so funny.

So Um,  just give me a call back.
 I've got to get ready in a few minutes
and going to work for a little bit but um,
just give me a call.
If  I don't get a chance to talk to you,
I have my continuing education class tonight
and I won't be home until like 9:30
so um, if nothing else
I will talk to you tonight sometime. Ok? Bye.

Voice Mail #2

Hey Cathie and John
It's Melody, um

I got your check today

I would have called before but um,

I'm on all this medicine

but I did get your check today

and I didn't want you to worry

But, anyway, um,

I'll just give you
a call later.

At 3 o'clock I have to get myself

up to go get Kyle

I feel like shit

I went to the doctor this morning

and he gave me an antibiotic
I'm taking that and NyQuil

I don't know if I will

be going anywhere this weekend

If I don't go with Josh

I'm a gonna get him to take

one of his buddies.

But anyway, um,

I'm sure I'll talk to you

later on this evening.

If I don't call you

It's because I'm knocked out again.

But anyway, um,

I talked to him at work today

about the restraining order on Kevin

I have to wait until Kevin calls me again

and then I just have to
save it on the phone from

where it came from his number
and then they are going to have Kevin served

I told them that I wanted them
to do it at his office

and of course,
they don't have a problem with that
But anyway, um,
I'll talk to you after while

If I don't fall asleep Ok?

Thanks. Bye

Voice Mail #3

Hey, It's Melody

I was just calling
to check in with you guys

Tommy will be over here this evening

He's gonna be here in a little bit

Um, everything in court today
went just like we said it would

Ya know?

They basically just slapped his hands
and told him don't do it again kind of thing
But, I got my satisfaction
of the embarrassment
of Kevin having to stand there (chuckle)

But anyway, um,
I'll call you guys sometime tomorrow

I don't think Tommy's coming over tomorrow evening

so I'll try to call you guys then

I mean, everything was good ya know

and it went smoothly and that kind of thing
and Tommy was there with me
while I was in court

But anyway, um,

I'll just call you guys later Ok?

He's suppose to be here

in like 30 minutes

so um, just shoot me an email

or I'll just um call you tomorrow afternoon OK?

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

 The picture below was shared by Melody with John and I in my personal email.

 The picture to the left was shared by Melody
with John and I in 2006. Note the date.

Broken down New Jersey

My sister and her husband Tom picked my son Kevin and I up at the train station and brought us to their home. My son and I were emotionally and physically exhausted, but we were both excited to see some family members. Keep in mind, I had not seen my family in a long time and under the circumstances, it was quite draining. Words were minimal and hard to get out. Truly, what could be said at this point? All of us were in a daze, including my sister and nephews. It was a very stressful, difficult situation to be in but one that I had to endure to survive. Please recall, at this point I had one child with me and we had nowhere to go. I was desperate to try and settle into a place that I could get back on my feet in an effort to try and fight for my 3 younger children. It was not just about surviving to find a home for me and my oldest son; it was about finding a new life for all 4 of my children. I walked away from every physical possession I had. I did not care about the money or the material things. However, I did want to try to save the 4 precious souls that deserved more than what their father and I had given them. I wanted them to have a life without hate between their parents. I did not know how I was going to accomplish this but I knew that I was going to use every instinct I had to help me and the kids.

"Many things can wait; the child cannot. Now is the time his bones are being formed, his mind is being developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow; his name is today."

My son K and I settled into a routine. I had applied for several jobs and my sister Caron helped me transfer K from his Roswell, GA high school to the one in Budd Lake NJ where his cousins attended. I felt that my nephews could be helpful with K being “introduced” to his new high school. In the midst of what I thought was best for K, I never asked him his thoughts about moving to NJ. I just took action because I thought it was the best thing to do. Our life was in turmoil as we were escaping the clinch of his father…my ex. My son can tell his own story as to how he felt about my choices. I knew K was safe and secure and with the parent he wanted to be with. Now, my focus was the other children.

I enrolled K in school and immediately began applying for any job available. I was hired with days at a GYM as a daycare teacher until a trainer position opened. Also I was hired as a trainer at Curves. During my telephone conversation with Curves (at my sister’s home) I saw a side of her husband that was very concerning.

Let me explain. MY twin’s husband is Tom Ryan. I was thankful that he and my sister accepted me and my son into their home but I was not prepared for the control he ensued on me. I started to learn that maybe my sister was dealing with the same hate and control I dealt with. The second day in their home, Tom sat me down and told me that I needed to move on and get a job. I agreed with him. He also told me that I had a minimal time with them to move out because they had 3 children at home. I agreed. He told me that I needed to move on with my life and leave Kevin, Sr. and my other 3 children alone until I got on my feet. I just stared at him. “Move on?” “Get on my feet?” “Suck it up?” “Get on with your life?” I looked at his mouth but I started to hear no words as my mind traveled back in time. I had not seen my 3 younger children in 6 weeks. My ex would not let me or their brother talk to them.  I was trapped and I agreed to all of Tom’s conditions because I was afraid to be on the streets. My sister just sat quiet. I remember at one point I looked at her and she looked away from my eyes. I knew then that something bad was going to happen. My gut told me to flee but for the sake of my son, I denied my gut feeling and stayed. Something I would regret. There were times I would receive phone calls from the places I had applied for jobs and Tom would hand me the phone and tell me who it was. Then when I would try to talk to the persons on the phone Tom would follow me around the house whispering in my ear-“what are they saying? “Did you get it?” “Tell them you’ll work all the hours they will give you.” I would try to walk away from him but he would follow. At one point, I put my hand over the speaker and looked at Tom and said “Get out of my space” He just looked at me. When I got off the phone I told Tom that just because I was a beaten down woman did not mean that I was incapable of making my own decisions and get a job. He once again just looked at me and then walked away shaking his head. I wanted to cry. Who the hell did he think he was? Yes, I was living in his house but that did not give him the right to degrade or control me. It was becoming Kevin all over again except without the punches. I was at a loss of what to do but I knew I had to get out of there as fast as I could. An obstacle that was literally impossible at that point. I was in an atmosphere where neither I nor my son were wanted but I had no way to survive without their help. I had to make the best of it. My plan was to work to pay for our food and to help my sister with her house keeping until I could make other arrangements.

Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them. Ecclesiastes 9:12

I enjoyed the time with my twin sister. I never spent a lot of time with any of my family because we traveled so much with the military. But, at any chance I had I spent time with my twin. We shared many things together. A womb, a room, a dream and memories. I love her and she “got me.” You multiples know what I mean. Although Tom was present and lurking, I still held onto every laugh and memory I shared with my twin.  Yet, I was going into a very deep sadness. I would lie in bed and think about how I could “win” my Megan, Amanda and Justin back with me. “WIN” is the key word. I learned very quickly that in the legal system does not necessarily protect the victim. For me the experience was lawyers, rank and money. I knew that I needed to make a lot of money to get my children back to me. Money I did not have. I was flustered.
Before I drift too far in this story, let me return to Tom controlling me. I started to sense something was wrong. I had 2 additional jobs lined up in addition to the daycare job (I had secured 3 jobs within a week). I felt good about that but I felt that I was being betrayed. I had overheard a conversations between Tom and my ex husband. It brought me to my knees. I was devastated. I went into their home with trust and once again I was being betrayed. I was numb.

I kept my knowledge of Tom and Kevin’s talks quiet. I guess I was afraid that if I said something, my son and I would be without a home again. I did not know what to do. So, I pretended like everything was normal. Before I moved to my sister’s home, I did have an intuition that Tom may be talking to my ex. My ex-husband and Tom had been friends in college. But I thought Tom, who is a strong tough guy would not approve of Kevin’s beatings of me. Plus, Tom was the one that recommended I come to live in his home in NJ. I did ask my sister in conversation prior to moving to NJ if she had talked to Kevin. She told me no. She said Kevin would send several emails a day with hateful words about me but her and Tom chose to ignore them. I believed her but I had grave concerns about her husband Tom. But, I had to make the best of a situation that I could not control. I had to survive.

My son Kevin seemed to be doing ok under the circumstances and I tried everything in my power to hide my fear and deep sadness from him. I think he knew however, that his mom was not doing too well. I hid my depression by cooking with my twin Caron and joking around like sisters do. The two of us would sit in her family room after the kids were settled and drink wine. The talks and wine would help soothe my fears. I started to look forward to talking and drinking with her. My twin’s husbands had to go on a trip for a week. Caron began to share things with me about their relationship (I won’t betray her with the things she shared with me). Because I was living with them, I started to see an inside view of how Tom had anger issues towards her and the boys. He liked to be in constant control of EVERY person and situation. Tom viewed my sister, their children and their home as HIS home, HIS children and HIS Caron…now Tom was claiming me and my son as HIS property, not guests. Tom decided he was going to “tell me how to live my life.” Everything came to a head one day and it changed any perceived control or sanity I thought I possessed.

Tom and I had gotten into an argument. He was telling me to stop being so sad, and snap out of it. He told me that my drinking wine with his wife was going to stop because he felt like it was making me more depressed. He told me that I needed to focus on making enough money to move out and stop worrying about making enough money to try to get custody of my 3 other children. He told me that my battle with Kevin was over and I needed to move on with my life and “accept that you won’t see your children for awhile.” That last statement snapped me out of shock at all his words and I fired back. ‘What the hell do mean move on without my kids Tom?” “What are you saying?” “What is my ex husband telling you when the two of you talk on the phone?” He fired back at me as my twin turned in his direction to hear his answer but Tom didn’t answer the question. He changed the subject and told me, “If you don’t straighten up then you can get the fuck out.” I was shocked by this statement and in a calm rage I looked at him and through gritted teeth asked, “Are you kicking me out if I don’t let you control me?” He just stared at me. I looked at my twin and tears started to roll down her face. I looked at my son and my nephews who were watching the entire argument. I looked back at Tom and said, “I came from an abusive home and I’m not going to live in another one.” I walked out of the living room and grabbed the phone. Tom tried to grab the phone from my hands. His hand was gripped on my arm. And then I said the words I should have said to my ex years ago, “Let go of me or I WILL call the police.” Tom looked into my eyes and for the first time I saw confusion and fear. He released my arm and I called John. I got off the phone and started to pack my suitcases. I went to pack my sons and realized that if I left with him, his father would file abduction charges on me like he had done before. Maybe that was part of the plan between him and Tom. I knew something was wrong. Very wrong and it had something to do with my ex husband and Tom. I didn’t know what their plan was, but I knew I had to get out of that house immediately.

My son Kevin was distraught. He started crying. I kept apologizing to him and told him I would be back for him. As I was talking to KJ, Tom told me that if I leave he was going to call Kevin. I snapped a look back at him and chuckled and said, “You are such a fucking liar Tom Ryan. I guess controlling, abusive assholes have to stick together. Go call the bastard because I will be long gone before he can do anything to me.” So, Tom got on the phone and called my ex. The taxi arrived at the door while Tom was on the phone and I gave my son a hug and walked over to my twin and hugged her. She knows me and she knew that my mind was made up. I was leaving and I would find a way to survive. I asked her to take care of KJ for me and that I would be in touch. I walked out the door and did not look back.

Up to this point I had not cried. It wasn’t until I got on the plane and the lights were turned out that I cried silently. I want to stress that I had to leave my son with my sister. I knew she would take care of him because at this point, I did not have a home, or money. My son was going to school and he was with his cousins. I could not take him with me legally or emotionally. In the best interest of my son, I had to leave because at that point, I could not take care of him the way he deserved to be taken care of. My ex had succeeded with use of the legal system at separating the victim of domestic violence from her children. My son KJ had been through too much already and being in hiding with his mom was not a healthy atmosphere for any child. Some may judge, but I knew in my heart that I did what I had to do in his best interest. Either way my ex knew that I was suffering. Suffering if I lived with Tom. Suffering if I chose to leave. Kevin Paul Landers Sr. was and still is the most hateful, selfish, mentally unstable man I’ve ever known.

The above incidents occurred in October 2005. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. behavior did not change with me leaving him. In 2006, when Melody was talking to me she shared information on what was happening behind the scene with Tom and Kevin. Please keep in mind that Melody Landers continues to lie even to the court system so I’m not sure what to believe but this is what she told me:

Melody said that it was Kevin’s plan to get custody of our oldest son from me. She told me that my family was going to have me evaluated for 72 hours for metal stability and that while I was in the hospital, Kevin, Sr. was going to take custody of Kevin, Jr. I would later have to fight the courts once again. Kevin knowing I did not have any money to enter the court system.  Keep in mind, that as I wrote in my prior blog, my family sided with Kevin so they were all for me being hospitalized and then they would take custody of me if I was proven to be unstable. Ironic is not it? I was trying to save myself so I could save my kids and Kevin was bound and determined that I was going to suffer for the rest of my life with or without my babies. Whether Melody’s account is true or another lie, my gut was telling me that something was very wrong the entire time I was at my sisters. My leaving, I believe, saved me from more insanities and abuses. I was on a road to slowly breaking the chains of control and abuse but I still had a long way to go. The most convincing tale of dishonesty and underhandedness by Tom Ryan was that when I left, Tom called John Baker’s parents asking them not to harbor John or me because he had kicked me and John out of Tom’s home for selling drugs. You that know John know this next account to be “John”. When John called and questioned Tom about these accusations, Tom did not deny making them. He just asked John not to call anymore. As John told Tom, John looks forward to meeting Tom one day.

Please continue to follow me as I continue to write about what happen to me, my son Kevin and my daughters, and my baby boy Justin. These next blogs about the children will be haunting and very sad, but necessary to continue to understand how an abuser functions and why it’s important to get out of an abusive relationship especially if children are present.

"I will break the chains that bind me, happiness will find me. Leave the past behind me, Today my life begins"~Yao

REST...REGROUP...RETURN

Col Kevin P Landers diagnosis revealed

After returning my 8 and 10 year old children to their father in NC, I returned to GA with my 14 year old son.  I was exhausted. I could not believe the hate and actions I had endured at the lies of Kevin Landers, Sr. He acted self righteous; acted like a father who cared about his children when in fact all he cared about was the control he had over me by taking away my babies. I can honestly say that one of the many reasons why I admire John is because he never tried to manipulate his children against Kelly. Nathan was old enough (15 yrs) to choose who he wanted to be with just like my oldest son, K. However, John believed that the children should be with their mother even through a divorce. John had cause to use his children as a tool to manipulate his 5 children to hate their mother-but he never did nor has he to this day.  John is a man of grace and integrity. A man that respects children, women and mothers.  All who know him know this to be true. Some may look at John’s current situation and point fingers at him as the “dead-beat father.”  But, this is not true. His story involves the judge being dismissed from the bench; Class action lawsuit in GA; false police reports filed by the children’s mother; Etc. etc. etc. I will write about this in future blogs.

Kevin, on the other hand used our children as tools without considering their feelings. Kevin tried to claim that our children were better off with him because he could better financially, emotionally and religiously support them. But this was all a ploy that later was a proven lie. Kevin did financially support our children as long as they were WITHIN his household.  I would call to speak to my children and Kevin would refuse and then taunt me, curse me and say to hold while he got the kids for me. I could hear him talking to them and them asking “is that mommy?” and he would tell them “No” as I sat hopelessly on the other end of the phone. This would infuriate me and I would cry and beg to talk to my kids and Kevin would record me at this state after he taunted me and would play the recordings back to my children and family and claim that I was drunk and angry and unstable…a practice that continued through 2008. In 2008 when I stopped calling, Kevin would call and sit quietly until I answered. Once John started answering the calls Kevin ceased his “prank calls”.  While I was in GA with my oldest son and the 3 youngest children with their father in NC, I had no other place to go and the only people willing to help me and my son were in GA. I was working part time and trying to make ends meet, but between my financial and emotional state things were very tough. I could not afford to drive the 6 hours to NC to see Megan, Amanda and Justin nor could I afford a hotel to stay while I had visitation.  Kevin knew this and it was all in his plan to try to convince the court system that “I was” the deadbeat mother. I could not afford an attorney and when I looked into the option of a court appointed attorney it was clear that to qualify I would have to live within the county (a stipulation that might could have been adjusted once I had an attorney to argue I qualified for a court appoint) the system in NC was not fair “hire an attorney to show I couldn’t afford an attorney”?   Kevin had his military pay, military medical benefits, a home, and a “live in Nanny” who we all know was his live in girlfriend, Melody Wilson Landers (she had moved in with Kevin within 3 weeks of his return from Iraq?). So it was me and my oldest son Kevin just trying to make it in GA.  John was still traveling with his company and by this point Nathan was living with John per his mother’s hateful behavior towards Nathan. Needless to say, John was dealing with his own battles financially and emotionally.  We were starting to spend more time together and started seeing each other more and more as we could. Our “love interest” was beginning in the midst of this storm. For the first time since I met John in 1986, I “saw” him.  I could tell that K was very sad and angry and I could not blame him. Everything was falling apart and Kevin, Sr. was still playing games using the 3 younger children. K would try to call them and he was refused contact by his father. I knew that the children were living in an environment of severe control and manipulation. Kevin’s goal was to try to isolate them from me because he knew that this would rip my heart out. He did not care about the children or their feelings. He did not care that he was slowly breaking down their self-worth or trust in any adult. He did not care that he was emotionally harming the kids by telling them that “Mommy doesn’t love you anymore. I am the only one who loves you now.” My suspicions of Kevin’s behavior was confirmed when I started talking to his now wife Melody back in Oct. 2006. As I have stated before, Melody called me out of the blue. I hesitated to talk to her, but the need to have some information about my children was so strong so she shared many things with me about Kevin’s behavior towards the children. She told me that Kevin had thrown away any remnants of me as their mother. Thrown away the pictures, the letters, my clothes, my personal items, my life; All thrown away. Melody told me (a story later confirmed by Amanda in 2009 and then Megan in 2011) that one evening Kevin had lined the kids up on the sofa and was pacing back and forth yelling at them “YOU are not allowed to speak your mother’s name in this house. As far as you are concerned she is dead. She has chosen to live her life f@#King other men”. Kevin went to the schools and spread lies about me telling teachers that I was unstable and if I ever showed up to their schools to call the police because of my instabilities.  Just to let all of my readers know, there has never been a restraining order granted that forbade me to have contact with my children-EVER! Kevin continues to hold to this lie.

Kevin continued his campaign against me in front of the children. Melody told me that at family gatherings, Jim, Becky and Kelly would degrade and berate me and John to all nine children. Let me stress that Brain and Suzie had no part in this. Kevin monitored every phone call the children made and internet chat to ensure that they were not trying to contact me. The children were not allowed to have contact with my family. The children were not allowed to have sleepovers or go to sleepovers for a long time because Kevin feared that one of the kids may try to call me. According to Melody, Kevin threatened the children that if he found out that one of them tried to contact me, there would be severe consequences. Now, here are children (ages 8yrs, 10yrs and 12yrs) that watched their father beat me in front of them. The kids were terrified of him and that is exactly what their father wanted. He thrived on controlling women and children by fear. Because no one truly respects Kevin, the only way he could gain control over me and the kids was by physical and emotional intimidation.  Kevin’s plan to alienate me from the children started to work in his favor. As the clocked ticked from weeks, into months, and then years, Kevin’s story started to become creditable-or so it seemed. Can you imagine the emotional toil this was taking on our kids? Kevin can say that the children suffered because of our divorce and my absence and he hides behind these excuses even today.  But, if you look at all of the dynamics of the hateful games he played to try to control me, the emotional damage he has caused our children by his actions are far worse. He states he was protecting the children. Let me ask my readers, was he protecting the children from me or was he protecting himself by silencing our children?  It is very clear. Kevin wanted to hold the children as close to him as he could by the use of fear. Fear that one day, when the children felt strong enough, they may expose his behavior and confirm my allegations.  Kevin’s game is to manipulate the children into hating me and then maybe they would not speak about the abuse. He still does not deny striking me, he just says that the abuse was not that bad and me leaving him was not because of the arguing but because I fell in love with John. Our 3 oldest children that I have been in contact with have confirmed their father’s abuse and believe that had I stayed with their father, he would have killed me.  I want to stress to all my readers I NEVER LEFT MY CHILDREN. When I separated from their father, 3 of the 4 children chose to be with me (the 4^th child soon chose to be with me as well). So, all 4 children knew they wanted to be with me because of their father’s anger and evil. They were stolen from me and held hostage by their father. I unfortunately did not have the money I needed to set them free. In other words, I could not buy my children’s freedom from the courts and Kevin was able to pay to keep the kids in a square box. That box has a label on it, “Fragile Souls Inside”

US Army LTC. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. exhibited behavior during our separation and continues this behavior to this very moment. His behavior has not changed. He has not changed.  His behavior has a diagnosis.  It is called Parentectomy.  A counselor of many years shared with me several articles and stories that were so similar to mine. Most of the time, it is the mother who tries to alienate the children from their father, but in ALL of the cases where it is the father that pursues this hateful act, the father was ALWAYS abusive to the mother.  Please read this article for further information on his psychological torture of our four children.

LTC. Kevin Paul Landers Sr. diagnosis

Now let’s continue.  I have established that I am running out of options. I moved out of David Reeves basement and gave away all the furniture I owned to an origination that was gathering household items for Katrina victims. I was determined that David Reeves was not going to benefit from my furniture or household goods that I would have had to leave with him. I needed to move out ASAP and the organization was more than happy to come to the basement apartment and move every piece of furniture I had. Until I could find a place to live, I stayed with a very dear friend Steve Cummins.  John had left town and KJ and I were pretty much on our own. Out of the blue, I got an email from my twin sister Caron Ryan. (I will write in my next entry about my experience with my sister and her husband.) Caron offered for me and KJ to stay with her until I got on my feet. I was relieved.  Although it was kind of Steve to open his home to K and I, he had a family of his own to care for and I was ready to move forward. K and I caught an Amtrak train to New Jersey. Both of us were tired and remained quiet most of the trip. I felt sad for my son K. He had been through a lot and I hoped this move would be a good one for both of us. If any of you have ever suffered from insomnia, you understand the physical toile it takes. But mine was more than insomnia.  My body was tired yes, but my mind would not let me sleep. I was in a daze. A couple of times, K would ask me a question and I did not hear him. I just stared into space but saw nothing. My mind kept rewinding over and over again everything that had happened….all the words, the hate, the tears, the torture. I turned and just stared out the window through my reflection watching things whiz by…I looked horrible. I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was greasy, my face was thin and my eyes looked hollow. I had not looked in a mirror at myself in days. I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. I almost started to cry but held in my tears for the sake of my son.  So I just kept looking at myself and saw nothing but an eternal, deep, heart-wrenching sadness. I could not cry anymore. I could not smile. I could not be angry. I just moved my body when I had to and when I wasn’t moving, I was just stared at complete nothingness.

"We see everything through a glass, darkly. Sometimes we can peer through the glass and catch a glimpse of what is on the other side. If we were to polish the glass clean, we'd see much more. But then we would no longer see ourselves.”

Rest…Regroup..Return

Abusers Censorship request DENIED by ElPaso County

A quick update on my Court proceedings that took place this morning March 19th 2012:

As many of you know, my abuser continues to try and censor this Blog. When my abuser Lt. Col. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. and his wife Melody Morrison Wilson Landers found that they could not suppress my Freedom of Speech, they filed for a Permanent Restraining Order. My abuser and his wife claim in their written complaints that they “fear for their life”. They also introduced false information claiming I had verbally threatened them. I have NEVER threatened anyone. Kevin and Melody also claim that I post this Blog on other 3rd party sites such as employer’s websites, children schools, places of worship, etc. Both Plaintiff's signed their sworn complaints advising the court that I lived in Webb, County Texas. This was an effort to ensure that I had no knowledge of their filings. If you ever want to find me, look at my FaceBook as it will always provide contact information and I will provide you with my physical San Miguel de Allende address. Kevin always knows my location since we share joint custody of two minor children and therefeore I provide our daughter's location to him and as you have read in Melody's public posts she is obviously aware that I am "in that 3rd World Country Mex-EEE-Koh!" All intentional lies and fabricated “evidence” on their part. Not too becoming of an officer, although a practice he knows well. Please note, My Blog originates here and a link is provided on my Face Book page. PERIOD. Also, recall that Melody worked closely with the District Attorney’s office in North Carolina and Kevin and Melody started living together in May 2005. When you read the criteria for Cyber-Stalking and grounds to file a Restraining Order, it is quite apparent that they have went “down the list” to insure they introduce cause/evidence in an effort to obtain a ruling in their favor. Both are very sad, bitter, miserable people- not just with each other but also with those whose life they encounter.

As I consulted with legal counsel, it was determined that since I have no desire to see my ex-husband and since I have never met Melody and because I have not been to nor desire a visit to Colorado much less their home town, why would I put my health in additional jeopardy and spend the additional thousands of dollars needed to travel to and from Colorado Springs plus legal fees necessary to defend these lies just to have them “100% dismissed”. As my counsel put it, “Why does it matter to have a no-contact order involving a man that wants to continue beating you down?” Counsel’s question was soothing for me and offered much clarity. Why would I spend the money and risk additional seizures just to fight a man that physically, emotionally and sexually abused me? I have been in Mexico since 2005. I have no desire to have contact with Lt. Col. Kevin Landers or his wife of 5 years. So, “Why would you (me) fight for your right to be in touch with ‘the bully’s?” Wow! So basic a question, yet so liberating for me. And why in the world would I execute my right to be in contact with Melody Landers…someone I have NEVER met and have no desire to meet.

Based on the information above, I agreed to “concede/not object” to a Permanent No Contact being entered/executed. It is KEY to note the court's wording that, "your conceding to this Order being put in place is 'WITHOUT admission of wrong doing." Thank you Plaintiff Lt. Col. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. and Plaintiff Melody Morrison Wilson Landers for not wanting contact with me nor are they allowed contact with me. And I can assure everyone that I will not seek contact with either Plaintiff and I have no plans to ever travel to Colorado so that pledge should satisfy the “100 yard” no contact distance from their residence and employer. No calls. No emails. Nothing.

Let me and my readers move onward. Now, the next part of my story.

I want to take a step back in time to when Kevin was deployed to Iraq. When Kevin started to sense that I was leaving him, I got a phone call from a Chaplin Brock who was in Iraq with Kevin. He told me that Kevin very distraught and his mental stability was questionable. The Chaplin asked me if I would counsel with him over the phone. I told him kindly, that I already had a counselor and I was happy with him. The Chaplin seemed to become frustrated with me when I stood my ground and told him that I did not want his counsel. I told him that I was supportive of Kevin seeking out help however I was happy with my current counselor. I never heard from the Chaplin again. Kevin called me and told me that he was on suicide watch and that he had to surrender all of his weapons and command. I am not sure if Kevin was trying to manipulate me or if he was actually on suicide watch. Today, I know that abusers will use ANY type of manipulation they can to control. Kevin is the master of manipulation. Whatever emotional state he claimed to be in while in Iraq, was not the state he was in when he arrived back in the USA 8-14 months early. He was a self proclaimed “evil man” and he was ready to destroy me anyway he could…including lies by him and false promises to his 12 year old daughter in an effort to have her lie on his behalf- HIS EVIL HAD NO LIMITS.

So, let me continue with Kevin being served with the No Contact Order.

The day after Kevin arrived to our home unexpectedly and unannounced-the same evening he was escorted away by the police- I got the kids ready for school and I headed straight for the courthouse. It was a long process, but I was able to have Kevin served with the restraining order. You have no idea what a sense of relief it was. I had a temporary moment of feeling safe. But, “temporary” is the key word here for my feeling of being safe ran out pretty quick. I would wake up in a cold sweat after a nightmare and I felt like someone was in my bedroom with me. I did not sleep. I thought I heard someone walking on the grass outside, or creaks on the back porch. During the day, I could feel someone starring at me in the distance, but when I turned around, I could not see anyone. I would be shopping and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I knew Kevin was close to me, but I could not see him. He was taunting me, but he made himself invisible. I could feel his eyes on me everywhere I went and I was terrified that I would wake up and he would be luring over me with that evil face filled with anger. I started to realize that a restraining order really could not stop him if he REALLY wanted to penetrate our home and if he took that chance…I feared what he was capable of doing to me. At this moment, I feared my own death was a scary possibility. I was convinced that Kevin would not care what his consequences were if he killed me. I did not sleep. I did not eat. I was treading on a very fine line with my abuser and he did not like the lack of control over me. It was evident and clear that he was insanely furious and I had pushed beyond his anger capacity.

Kevin pulled all the money out of our joint bank account. My AAFES credit card was cancelled. Our emergency credit card-cancelled. I had bills to pay and children to feed and Kevin had taken all the money. My water had been turned off. My electricity was scheduled to be turned off, but I begged the electric company to give me another week and I would find a way to pay the bill. When the court hearing for child support was held, Kevin was instructed to pay $466.00 total a month for 4 kids. I had asked my lawyer why so little? My lawyer instructed me that Kevin’s lawyer included the mortgage of our home which was $1190.00 a month in the child support. I was responsible for Utilities, food and clothing. Basically, Kevin was keeping a roof over his children’s head. I was stunned. Keep in mind, that I was a stay-at-home mom. I had worked to “put my man through college”. I was the officer’s wife of 16 years plus the 2 non-military years. I had no income, little education and 4 children to care for. Kevin was Captain Promotable to Major making in excess over $70,000 a year. I also received a phone call from my life insurance agent that told me Kevin was trying to retrieve my life insurance. He basically screamed at her and told her that he was the one that paid it all these years and he wanted his money back. I was instructed to cash my small life insurance policy and use the money to try to survive. The cash value was all of about $2,500.00. Everything was happening so fast and I had no idea that Kevin would punish me by depriving our children of monetary needs. So hence, things started to get really crazy in the courtroom. At one point, my lawyer took me to a room and told me that I should drop the restraining order to a lesser one. The restraining order I had stated that Kevin was not allowed to be anywhere near me but now my lawyer was telling me that I needed to drop it. I just looked at her and said “Why would I do that?” My lawyer told me that Kevin’s lawyer was going to put me on the stand and tear me apart. I told my lawyer that I did not care because I was telling the truth. My lawyer persisted and said “You have no idea what hell they are going to put you through in that chair-they actually have a pair of your underwear that you sent to Kevin in Iraq sealed in a plastic baggie.” I just looked at her and said-“What are you talking about?” My lawyer proceeded-“Kevin is claiming that you still love him and that John is brainwashing you otherwise you would not have sent him your panties.” I could not put my mind around this whole thing. In my mind, I was thinking- “What the hell is going on and what sick freak seals up a woman’s underwear in a plastic bag?” I told my lawyer that I still wanted to go on the stand, but she persisted that I did not. So, I trusted my lawyer’s judgment, and I lowered the restraining order. But pressed forward with the divorce I had filed. One of the first ill-advised decisions I made per my lawyers instruction was to drop the current Restraining Order. I do believe today, that my lawyer was afraid to litigate against Kevin’s lawyer who was a keen, experienced attorney. Basically, I got what I could afford and it hurt me in more ways than I could ever imagine. Kevin bought his innocence and I had no money, time, or energy. I was losing more than a marriage. I had no idea how bad things would get. I was starting to drown quickly in Kevin’s insanities. My fear of his evil was very real and strong. It was not just good enough that Kevin wanted the home (which is why he was paying the mortgage and not child support), Kevin was on a mission to take away the only 4 things that I asked for - my children that I immensely loved and wanted to co-parent with my abuser.

I know this is a brief blog, but it is enough for today. I will write more very soon.“Do not think lightly of evil that not the least consequence will come of it. A whole waterpot will fill up from dripping drops of water. A fool fills himself with evil, just a little at a time.”~The Buddha

REST…REGROUP…RETURN