Melody Landers, Col Kevin P Landers Sr. Transcripts

Once again, I feel I must share information in an effort to defend my name and honor against my liars.

Starting this blog more than 3 years ago has been therapeutic to me but has also been a means for me to defend the lies that are continually still being told by my ex husband Col Kevin P Landers and his second wife Melody Wilson Landers.

After 10 years of choosing to file for divorce from Kevin because of his abuses, I am still being harassed by them.

I like any other person out there have a Twitter, a Facebook, YouTube and recently a Pinterest.

I enjoy the socialization , the sharing with my friends and family, and the detachment we all need utilizing these social sites. I share pictures of myself, my family, and children. 

I have shared pictures of my youngest son from his high school graduation.

This one above-I took a screen shot of off of his public graduation video. Melody filed a false complaint to Facebook stating that I stole it from her. If you look up my son's video on the school website, you will see that I did not steal it from Melody's pictures at all yet she continually lies and gets away with it. 

I don't understand why this woman is so obsessed with me loving Justin openly? She has the right to love my son just as much as I do yet she obsessively tries to get my pictures and videos to him deleted. Why so much hatred for a mom that loves her son Kyle the way I love my children? She understands what it is like to love a child (although she does not claim her daughter Kayla). She knows today what it feels like to lose a child and although my son is still alive, the 10 years I have lost with him can never be replaced. How can Melody spew so much hatred towards me-a mom that loves her children-when she is also a mother herself that should understand that no matter the circumstances, we are mothers whether bonus or biological. I don't view Melody as loving Justin more than me or me more than her. I can understand why she loves him so much. She forgets that I was there everyday and night for the first 8 years of his life before she stepped into the picture. He's a great kid. I know because I raised him the first part of his life. I am not trying to take Justin away from her. I am just a mom that immensely loves all her kids-bio and bonus.

I have made videos on YouTube for my estranged son to let him know in these 10 years that I love him. YouTube was the only avenue I had to communicate with Bogey because his father forbade him to speak to me or his siblings in over 7 years. 

In my advice to other parents that are facing Parental Alienation, I have told them to make videos for their children regularly so the kids will see that have not been left or forgotten.

The ONLY reason why Kevin and Melody can't get those videos deleted is because I do not mention my son's legal name. Pretty sad that these two adults are so afraid that Bogey will see my love for him on these videos. Here is an example of a video that my youngest son siblings and I made for him on his 16th birthday Sept. 28th, 2012. Up to this point, this was the ONLY way we could wish  a Happy Birthday because his father forbid us to have contact with Bogey. Here is one of many videos that you can view on my YouTube channel.

Bogey's 16th Birthday wish from me and his siblings in 2012

I recently decided to post voice mails left by Melody on our answering machine. I kept every one of those voice mails just in case I would need them to once again defend the false claims that I am stalking her. That she is afraid of me. That I made a video that I threatened Kyle and made fun of him. The interesting thing is that Melody cannot produce this threatening video for the courts because I never made a video. Under the laws, any persons that threatens bodily harm to another can be prosecuted to the fullest extent. The authorities can petition for the video to be pulled out of the archives of any company so why can't the authorities find the video? Because I never made one and I have every right to prosecute Melody for slander for this horrific lie amongst others she has concocted. 

I have NEVER threatened anyone in my life especially the life of a child. 

Recently, my father has been very ill. Melody claims that I cannot go back to the USA because of my "Class 4 Felony Warrants" which is a lie.  But before my travels, just to be on the safe side-I contacted Law Enforcement in every city I have ever lived in and every town Kevin and Melody have lived in and there are no warrants, or felony's or bounced checks or even a dang speeding ticket against me. I have legal documentation that I can travel freely anywhere I choose. 

I have and will continue to come and go as I please because I am a free law abiding citizen.

Melody lies about everything and to anyone that will believe her nonsense. However, I do believe that she is in a frenzy right now because the children are older and will not lie for her or their father nor will they stay quiet.

I posted videos of Melody's voice mails to show that Melody called us ALL the time. I also posted these voice mails because Melody has posed as me on the phone, in emails and other social sites. I wanted the general public to know that my voice is VERY different than Melody's. In allowing people to hear her voice, I wanted others to hear what kind of character she really is.

Melody is very concerned about people finding out what kind of person she is and thus is why she has once again achieved deleting her voice mails off of  my YouTube.

So, I am not going to take the time out of my busy life, nor give her power to lie again and get them deleted to satisfy her hunger to harass me once again.

In this transcript below are the voice mails that were deleted, Melody laughs about having police officers being kicked back in her apartment waiting for Col Kevin P Landers and also about getting a restraining order on him as well. A restraining order is no laughing matter yet Melody once again uses the system to lie, intimidate and harass others when she gets angry.

I did file a restraining order against Kevin because I feared for my and my children's lives yet Melody files a restraining order against Kevin because in her exact words-

"I got my satisfaction of the embarrassment of him having to stand there" as she is laughing on the voice mails.

John and I did not find it funny and it was at that point that we knew we were talking to someone that is a liar, mean and will go to any lengths to "make someone suffer" for her vengeful pleasure. It's women like Melody that make it very difficult for victims like myself to receive help by a court of law when Melody uses the courts time as a means to humiliate another. 

Whether Col Landers abused Melody or not-I do not know for sure because she lies so much.

However, there were plenty of times that she shared with me that he was very mean to her and she was afraid of him and because I am a survivor by the hands of Kevin, of course I chose to believe her and console her.

So this is a warning to anyone that is in Melody's circle-if she decides she doesn't like you this is the type of games she plays. Melody is very good at lying, controlling and manipulating peoples friendship for her own gain. She will and has used family members and her child as a shield to gain sympathy for her lies. She has and will degrade, verbally abuse and threaten children with abandonment of financial support, taking them to court or  the refusal her "love" if they don't hate who she wants them to. Ask my children and her daughter. 

She will go to ANY lengths and has to get her way even if that means lying under oath in a court of law. She is the wolf in sheep's clothing.

I must stress that Col Landers is not naive to Melody's tactics as he has also lied under oath. But, if push comes to shove and the Colonel fears that he may get in trouble- in a heartbeat-he will blame everything on Melody because that's the kind of man he is-

A weak, lying, heartless abuser that will go to any lengths, including using his children as pawns for his selfish needs. 

I can't give a more extreme warning than this-

Stay away from Melody Landers and her abuser Col Kevin P Landers Sr.

Below is the transcribed voice mails that got deleted.

If you would like to hear all the audios, feel free to contact me and I will play them for you.

As far as Melody is concerned-

I find her to be a very miserable, lonely, bitter, mean human being that needs to find more outlets than taking so much time out her "happy?" life to continually harass me for her entertainment.

I have shared my story on this blog about my life with domestic violence. My story has come to an end because I became a survivor. I have no more words to share about my past life but as long as Col. Kevin P Landers and Melody continue to harass me whether by using my social media sites, my children, the legal system or otherwise-I will continue to defend myself and write in this blog.

When will Melody realize that EVERY time she tries to get my pictures deleted, my videos deleted, my words deleted and post false accusations against me-I will keep using my voice?

How about I propose this to them-

Leave me alone and move on with your lives. Stop obsessively  looking at my Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube and harassing me by getting things deleted with your fake legal documents and fabricated, immature lies. It is harassment and makes me wonder why you are so obsessed with me as much as you say you hate me?
Allow me to love our shared children and families openly without harassment. I respect that you love your life so give me and John the same freedom to love ours without the constant lies and threats that the FBI, the CIA, DEA, IRS, ICE, Interpole and whoever else you say you have close ties with is coming to get us. It makes you look quite ridiculous to others that the law doesn't have anything better to do than to "hunt' me and John down. Everyone knows where we live and although we live in Mexico, we are still US citizens that must abide by the US laws as well as here in Mexico. I have never broken a law here or in the states and I don't plan on it. I love my country and I love our soldiers that defend it. Please remember-I was a military spouse for 18 years and taught my 4 children to honor patriotism. 

It's been 10 years since the divorce. 
I am kindly asking that the hatred finally stop.

Leave me alone and I won't have to post anymore in my blog.

Keep harassing me-and my need to defend myself will continue on this blog that now has well over 36,000 views.

It's as simple as that.

Having said all this, our children are all adults now so there is no more custody battles. I have gracefully stepped away and allow the children to make their own choices praying that whatever they choose-they are happy and safe. Whatever path they choose, I will love them without conditions.

My wish is that Kevin and Melody one day find it their hearts to do the same for the sake of the children and our future grandchildren.
The ball is in their court.
Here are the transcribed voice mails.

Voice Mail #1

Hey, It's Melody.
I was just calling
to let you know what had happened (laughing)
It wasn't really anything-really.
Just by the time he got here,
there was like 4 police officers
and they were just like
kicked back in my apartment. (chuckles)

It was just so funny.

So Um,  just give me a call back.
 I've got to get ready in a few minutes
and going to work for a little bit but um,
just give me a call.
If  I don't get a chance to talk to you,
I have my continuing education class tonight
and I won't be home until like 9:30
so um, if nothing else
I will talk to you tonight sometime. Ok? Bye.

Voice Mail #2

Hey Cathie and John
It's Melody, um

I got your check today

I would have called before but um,

I'm on all this medicine

but I did get your check today

and I didn't want you to worry

But, anyway, um,

I'll just give you
a call later.

At 3 o'clock I have to get myself

up to go get Kyle

I feel like shit

I went to the doctor this morning

and he gave me an antibiotic
I'm taking that and NyQuil

I don't know if I will

be going anywhere this weekend

If I don't go with Josh

I'm a gonna get him to take

one of his buddies.

But anyway, um,

I'm sure I'll talk to you

later on this evening.

If I don't call you

It's because I'm knocked out again.

But anyway, um,

I talked to him at work today

about the restraining order on Kevin

I have to wait until Kevin calls me again

and then I just have to
save it on the phone from

where it came from his number
and then they are going to have Kevin served

I told them that I wanted them
to do it at his office

and of course,
they don't have a problem with that
But anyway, um,
I'll talk to you after while

If I don't fall asleep Ok?

Thanks. Bye

Voice Mail #3

Hey, It's Melody

I was just calling
to check in with you guys

Tommy will be over here this evening

He's gonna be here in a little bit

Um, everything in court today
went just like we said it would

Ya know?

They basically just slapped his hands
and told him don't do it again kind of thing
But, I got my satisfaction
of the embarrassment
of Kevin having to stand there (chuckle)

But anyway, um,
I'll call you guys sometime tomorrow

I don't think Tommy's coming over tomorrow evening

so I'll try to call you guys then

I mean, everything was good ya know

and it went smoothly and that kind of thing
and Tommy was there with me
while I was in court

But anyway, um,

I'll just call you guys later Ok?

He's suppose to be here

in like 30 minutes

so um, just shoot me an email

or I'll just um call you tomorrow afternoon OK?

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

 The picture below was shared by Melody with John and I in my personal email.

 The picture to the left was shared by Melody
with John and I in 2006. Note the date.

Col Kevin Landers and Melody Landers are parents that promote hate-not love

Time always passes. Sometimes we wished time would pass quickly and sometimes we wish we could stop time just for a moment. Children should not be told to forget happy moments or be banned from remembering them. My youngest son is one these children that has fallen a victim to a fathers hate. A child who has been told that his mother abandoned him and his siblings aren't good people. A child who, for 8 years of his life, had a loving mother that held him, sang to him, read him books, coddled him and adored him. He had an older brother that protected him and two sisters that cherished him as their baby brother. Justin was the typical "baby of the family" who was hugged on, kissed on, and protected by me and his siblings. Those memories that Justin tries to hold onto have been methodically ripped away by his father and Melody with lies to protect themselves. Why?

8 years is too long for Justin to not be able to talk to us, hug us, or share his life with the family that was ripped from him. My responsibility as his loving mother is to make sure he never forgets his past of a loving family who treasured him and still does.

Justin's older siblings-K, M, A and I made this video below for Justin on his 16th birthday which was September 28th, 2012. I know that I have shared this once, but my gut feeling is to share it again. We will continue to make videos for Justin. He is a victim that did not deserve to be separated from his brother, sisters, me and other loving family members. No matter what things are said by the mouth of Justin's father or Melody I believe that loving parents, sister, brothers and grandparents out there reading my blog, have to see that not all the words being said about Justin's past makes sense. I could be the mother that left, ran to Mexico because of no regards for my children. But how can 3 siblings, 2 grandparents, loads of cousins and aunts and uncles also-"Be the bad guys?"  It is said by Col Kevin P Landers that he is trying to protect Justin from all the lies. But quite honestly, who is Kevin protecting Justin from? How can a multitude of honest, loving people be all bad? Why was Justin forbidden to speak to his siblings for 7 years? 
What kind of father separates and ignores 3 of his 4 children for years? What kind of mother figure(Melody) lies about her "bonus" children to others when those children don't act in a manner she demands. Others are starting see her as a compulsive liar because as she continues to lie, her and Col Landers lies are overlapping and becoming so non-realalistic that society as a whole is seeing right through them. Others are scratching their heads and realizing that her and Col Landers and Melody's stories keeps changing.   

A compulsive liar is someone who lies with ease and finds comfort in it. The person may even continue to lie when presented with the truth in cold, hard facts. Getting a compulsive liar to admit he or she lied can be nearly impossible. 
Melody Landers illness defined-Compulsive Lying Disorder 

So lets look at little at Melody's past. 
What kind of mother(Melody) abandons her daughter (Kayla) and forbids Kayla from ever seeing her little brother Kyle? Some would say-
"Well you abondoned your children" 
but lets keep in mind that my children were stolen from me by a court room that cares more about payment than they do the truth. "Guilty until you can buy your innocence." 
Something I did not have the fortitude to fight. Bottom line-I had no money. I was a stay-at-home mom and Col Kevin Landers controlled the money in our home. He was the victor because he payed lots of money to protect himself...not our children-Himself.
A pattern that he continues to this day.
My point is, I was never proven in a court of law that I was an unfit mother-not once. Kevin initially was awarded custody and he continued to buy off the courts with his lies-period.
However, Melody has quite a different outcome with her daughter because the courts saw a child that was not thriving under the care of her mother.

If you ask Melody what the past holds -watch her face and see the lies. I am positive, a well thought out, somewhat convincing story by Melody has a fabricated plot to protect her mental instabilities-past and present.
Melody will and has told lies about her precious daughter because she needs to hide the fact that Kayla was taken from Melody at the age of five. Every family member and persons in West Virginia know why Melody lost custody of Kayla yet Melody still lies to an audience of people that have no idea why Melody was forbidden to raise her only daughter. Melody raised Kyle no doubt but Kyle had the mind of a young child and Melody's maturity and psychiatric illnesses was defiantly questioned more than once by CPS, counselors and other medical staffers out of concerns that Melody may not be mentally worthy to take care of a child with Kyles special needs . Melody is not stable and must take quite a bit medication daily to control her mental disabilities. My children have told me that her cabinets look like a pharmacy. This was very concerning to me when my children were living with their father. What kind of messages does a parent send a child when those parents are popping pills for every aliment physically or mentally that they exhibit everyday?

Lets turn the tables here. If Col Landers second wife Melody were to divorce and Col Landers did the same to her as he did to me and Melody did the same to Kyle as she continues to do to Kayla, would my critics opinions change? What if Col Landers and Melody shared children together and Col Landers used the court system, his money, and abuses like he has with me and our 4 children, and  manipulated Kyle, Kayla and any other child they shared against Melody? Would there be a different understanding from Melody's family and my critics of the pain that Justin's siblings and I face? What if John were as hateful to his ex Kelly as Col Landers has been to me. What if John desired to keep his children from Kelly Baker Barnes the way Col Landers has done to me, by lies and Parental Alienation(PAS). Jim and Becky Landers understand the emotional trauma it causes their daughter and grandchildren and it would be devastating to the entire family that 5 innocent children were pulled away from their mother.
John had no desire to do that because he loves his children and believes and preaches that children should have their mother AND father in their lives.

I can understand being loyal to family. But when loyalty causes harm to a child then its no longer loyalty. Its abuse. To all of my readers-you do not have to believe a word I say. It has been said that I am trying to ruin Col Landers career. That I am unstable. That I hate Melody because she is with my ex husband. That I am a bitter woman. That I view Kyle as a retard. That I am a felon. That my children hate me. All those lies that can be proven false. My 3 older children have no hate for me and the only reason why Justin expresses hate is because that is what he has been taught all these years. A sweet, innocent 8 year old boy-my son-has lived in a home of manipulations, instabilities and a methodical brainwashing to hate me-his mom and Justin was taught to hate anyone, including his brother and sisters because these children choose to love me openly. 

"Since most brainwashing parents are very insecure people, they dish out their feelings of disgust towards a lot of people in their lives. And who picks up on these feelings? The child who has to listen to it (the only children who can rise above the badmouthing are teenagers who who are harder to convince, especially over people they have known their entire life)."

Don’t underestimate how closely our actions as parents are watched, and eventually mimicked, by our kids. If you tend to yell, they yell. If you beat them with a belt, they’ll lash out physically at others as well. If you lie a lot, don’t expect them to be amazing little truth tellers. So it doesn’t take much effort for a parent who’s hating an ex-wife or ex-husband to get his or her young child to join in fully on the hatred bandwagon. "Mental child abuse is the most common form of child abuse in America, and the most difficult to stop” – brainwashing children

So, what amazes me is that some choose to believe words told to their faces and hate others without knowing the entire truth. Justin holds the truth way back in his memory, but he is not allowed to speak it and over the course of 10 years, his memory has been diluted by two adults-(Melody and Col Landers) that have much to hide.

So, let me a paint picture that my children will confirm-

My ex husband is dragging my legs down the stairs as my head hits each step and my children come out of their rooms begging him to stop. Kevin looks at them and screams-"Go back to bed!!" While crying, out of fear, they return back to bed and I get the crap beat out of me.
Has it ever crossed any of my doubters minds that the reason that Kevin Sr has abandoned his 3 older children is that they have seen all of this? How could I put fake memories in the minds of children that saw me "Mommy" with blood dripping down her face after their father punched me?
How about this thought . Kevin hasn't beaten Melody, that we know of. I protected my abuser for 18 years. I was a good wife, mother, active volunteer, and school assistant teacher. I have a reputation that does proceed me as a good woman and mom. Did I look like an abused wife? Maybe others saw it and were afraid to ask if I was ok. So this logical question holds strong for all of you. If Kevin beat me, why doesn't he beat Melody? Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't. Either way it is a choice. Kevin has chosen to be the officer, the student, the good man who takes care of Kyle and surrounds himself with all material possessions he desires because he has proven-He can. He has proven that he is capable of making choices. He chose to beat me regularly during our 18 year marriage. He has proven that if he puts his mind to something-he achieves it so how can I at 120 pounds force a 180 lb man to punch me in the face and stomach, hold a drill to my body and tell me 
"I am going to rip you apart little by little", kick me down a flight of stairs several times, destroy my belongings, degrade our children, tell me that if we kept sleeping with other couples(please refer to my blog entry called "SWINGERS") as he continued to have affairs and in the end lie to a court of law under oath and laughed in my face when he refused to financially take care of our children and I quote-

"I told you I would make your life a living hell if you ever left me and that these children you carried are worthless just like you."

I can't expect you to believe a word I say. I just ask this. There is a 18 year old boy named Justin that has not been allowed to speak to his brother, mother, sisters, or grandparents. How can this be a good thing for any child? Put yourself in our place. What if this happened to you? Would you stay quiet or would you write a blog like me? Would you go to any lengths to try to tell your side of the story? Would you do whatever was in your power to try to help your kids? Would you try to contact any resource you could to see it your child was ok? Would you beg to talk to your children on the phone? Would you be able to hold your emotions when someone was making accusations that were not true especially when it came to your babies?

For all out there that doubt my motive  writing this blog-look closer. Justin has anger issues, has been expelled from school, has been caught with drugs and all of this happened when I was kicked out of his life years ago. I have not had contact with Justin in years yet Col Landers and Melody have not nor will not ever take responsibility in the raising of Justin. How cannot any logical person see that Justin's behaviors are not because of my absence-it's because of his upbringing these last several years. It appears weak for Col Landers and Melody to say-
"It was because of his mother." 
I don't have that kind of power to control anyone's raising of a child within their care for over 10 years now. Are Col Landers and Melody that weak or insecure that they blame me-a mom that has had no contact with Justin? How can I control Justin and his behaviors halfway across the world? Or is it that Col Landers and Melody know that they are entirely responsible for Justin internal pain and anger issues so they are the type of parents that blame everyone else instead of trying to help Justin. It appears pretty weak and selfish to the general public that these two seemingly responsible adults cannot put their hatred for me and Uncle/Daddy and focus on what's more important-the broken children that don't deserve any of this turmoil. If Col Landers and Melody truly believe that they raised Justin with morals, respect and integrity, then why are they so obsessed with blaming me for any negative choice Justin makes. How can I be responsible for Justin's behavioral problem, drug issues, anger outbreaks, and instabilities he is exhibiting when I was not there to hold him and do everything in my power to help him as I did with his older siblings? It creates so much logic that if I were in Justin's life that more than likely he would not have the challenges he is having today. 
Bottom line-Col Landers made sure he took away the 4 most important treasures in my life because I left him-my children. 
It is however, starting to appear logical to intelligent people that Justin was not raised by two loving parents but by two hateful parents that are obsessed more with trying to delete my blog than loving Justin the way he deserves to be loved.
Justin's emotional scares run deep and there are two people responsible for Justin's pain an demises-
Col Kevin Landers and his second wife Melody Wilson.

Children have suffered far more than my children but with unconditional love and support, a child can overcome anything unless caregivers like (Col Landers and Melody) are the reason for those children's emotional issues. Col Landers and Melody do not know how to raise a child. They only know how to control children. What scares these type of parents the most is when that child starts to have a mind of his own. When that child wants to know the truth and change the way he is living. When that child wants his freedom to re-create his own life.
Now is the time for Justin to take back his freedom.

If a child receives enough love and support in his home then that child could move past all this hatred and insanity that Col Landers and Melody claim I have inflicted. Let me once again stress that Col Landers and Melody make all these claims that I was sending videos, emails and hate to Justin's schools and friends yet I have never been contacted by anyone with those same concerns. 
These allegations can be proven to be false and I will bring attention to this slander and stop it in due time. 

I am asking any of you that despise me under false pretenses to look closer, understand and see all the lies and truths for the sake of all the children involved-Especially Justin.

Concerning Justin, if you want to show love & have nothing to hide from our Justin, please watch the video below and understand that all of us need to allow this 18 year old young man to experience love from ALL of his family members. Please keep in mind that Justin just turned 18 in September so in the last 2 years his siblings were "allowed" to speak to him. I dare say that Col Landers started to realize that his behavior was starting to make him look unstable and mean. Justin's siblings did nothing wrong and were forbidden to talk or see Justin for over 7 years because Justin's father feared that Justin siblings would remind Justin of the truths. 

Please watch video below and understand that I am not on a hate campaign to destroy Col Landers. 
I am on a campaign to help Justin overcome and release the hate that has been drilled into his soul by two unstable, selfish, mean people that have alot to hide-Col Landers and Melody Wilson.

Justin-if you are reading this please listen to your siblings and others and let go of all the lies that you been told. 
Find the truth.
Justin-this is your moment now. Your life. Your freedoms. 
Walk away and start your own life. I'm not asking you to embrace me.
I am asking you to find yourself and know that no matter what you say, feel, or what you want to believe-I love you. We all do.
Justin Landers 16th birthday video

England bound.......

"I have only one regret in my life and it is this one thing....I did not stand by who I knew I was, but who I was told I was...." Catherine Seebauer Landers
I have never moved an entire home, 4 kids, and pets faster than I did before we boarded the plane to England. My mind was reeling as I did not have much time to think about what I was thinking about. I was terrified in moments when I heard no noise. I questioned every move I made and was not sure what the heck I was doing. I became robotic in my actions and choices. "Stand by your man...” kept running through my head....Stand by your man?? I later learned that I could only stand by me first so that I could stand by others. I did not realize that standing by "my man" would be a possible death sentence of body and mind. I was focused, but I cannot say that my focus was on anything except wanting to make it work with the father of my children. I loved him and I was committed....but, honestly, I was terrified of what would happen to me and the kids if I left him. I knew his possession of me was strong and he would not let me go without a fight. A fight that could have destroyed me or killed me.

We stayed in a military hotel for a couple of days and Kevin was very sweet to me. He coddled me and told me that he was going to make a difference and that we were going to be ok. I believed him...or I wanted to. The second night we were in the hotel, I was in the bathroom. I cannot remember why Kevin was angry as his angry pattern was erratic-sometimes with no reason. He stormed into the bathroom. I remember that we were going to take the kids out to eat and a movie and I was putting my make-up on. I looked at him and said...” what is wrong with you??" I could see that familiar look in his eyes. 'Here we go again...” is what went through my mind. I told him to leave me alone and let me get ready. I proceeded to put my lipstick on. It was a dark-pink color. I remember the color because he grabbed it out of my hand and grabbed my face and started drawing all over my face with the lipstick as he was saying-"Here, how is that....you want to wear lipstick? How is that?" When he threw the lipstick on the counter, I grabbed it and threw it at him and said...”You are the most immature man I have met...what a loser." He back-handed me as hard as I think he could. Once again, I was stunned and then I felt the blood drip down my face. I turned and looked in the mirror. I started crying....once again, I was still the abused wife...the victim...the weak woman that was not me...I looked at him and told him to leave me alone with a quiet voice and firm tone. The children were in the other room and I really thought that they would not know that their father hit me...again. I found out years later that they did and they resented me for the first time...I should have walked away right then...called the police...take a stance...but I just cried on the bathroom floor. I did not even know who I was anymore and because of that...I could not make a decision. Once again, I was methodical in my movements. I washed myself up and walked out of the bathroom with strong grace....I was ready to move to England and in my sickness, I was moving for him, with him and beside him. I was determined to be loyal to this man and make it work for the sake of the children....so wrong for me to accept that our marriage was nothing less than destructive and to use the kids to stay with him was a choice that hurt my children more than helped them. If knew then, what I know today by the words and memories from the kids...I would have left him years ago.

The next day...we boarded the plane. I made sure to distract the children and got them excited about going to a new land. I bought a whole bunch of books about England and the plane ride was wonderful. We had American sponsors and they were very kind to us. I planned on homeschooling the children as I did know what the schools were like. I was ready to just start again in a new world thinking that this geological fix would help our marriage. I was so very wrong as this deployment was the shift of destruction. It was the worst of our marriage and the nucleus that altered who I thought I was and who Kevin was. The evil that was born then was the beginning of a very bad road that both he and I walked on...but not hand in hand. We walked on separate sides of the street and the "potholes" were getting bigger. I had no idea how much my life was in danger and how much abuse I would have to endure. It really was the first chapter of our marriage ending. It was my "wilderness" in the bible and the wilderness was dark and scary. Please stay with me on this. The things that I am going to write are overwhelming. I need to take an emotional break for now, but I will write more in a few days.
Rest..regroup...return...