Rape by the hands of Col Kevin P Landers

Once we moved into our townhouse in Woodbridge, Va, I noticed over a period of weeks that Kevin was acting like he was sick, sad and withdrawn. I asked him why he could not tell me that he could not go to the doctor. It confused me. He told me that he thought he may have a sexually transmitted disease from his multiple affairs and cheating. Once again, my mind was a whirl-wind. He only confessed to one but now he slipped and said he cheated more than once? Not that one time was enough, but, why so many other times? Why? And now, I have to deal with a possible transmitted disease because of him? I just looked at him. All I could say was-“what are you talking about?’” He did not answer, but looked at me and said-“If I go to a doctor, it will be documented through the military and I do not want to lose my rank or my status as an officer. Adultery is behavior unbecoming of an officer and he could have gotten in a lot of trouble, so Kevin was afraid.
After all I had overcome…after all the hurdles…I was in a good place inside myself and now this??? I was confused as to what he wanted me to do. So, I asked him. Kevin asked me if I would go to a unknown, small clinic to see if I had a VD. That way, he said, that if I did then he would know he had one and then he would come up with a lie to tell his chain of command. I was frozen in space and time. I felt like the entire world shifted under my feet and I had to catch my balance. Kevin asked me if I was ok. My mind was racing. How dare he not wear protection when cheating on me-it was so degrading to me as a woman and the mother of his children? How dare he be so callous to ask me to do something to save his ass when I had done nothing wrong? I struggled with my soul and mind. I now had to know if I had a VD because of him. That stupid, selfish, horny man had sold his soul and he wanted me to pay the price. WHY? WHY? WHY? I once again needed to save myself because Kevin was not man enough to take care of me, his kids, or himself.
The next day I went to a hole-in-the-wall clinic. Kevin found it for me through the yellow pages, the cheapest one he could find. How kind of him.
We did not know anyone yet to babysit our kids as it was on a Saturday that we went. I had asked Kevin if we could wait until the kids were in school, but he said that he could not take time off from work. So, I complied. Kevin parked our van far away from the clinic so he would not be seen and I walked the long stretch of the parking lot to the clinic. I walked in and approached the counter very methodically and said that I need to be tested for VD’s. Everyone in the clinic looked at me. I stayed focused and filled out the forms. I remember I was freezing and shaking. The clinic was filled with mostly people that could not afford medical care. I remember it reeked of alcohol from some patients who may have been drunks or walking in from the night before. I started to feel nauseous. I could see through the big window of the clinic, my children playing in the parking lot and I thought-if the test comes back positive, I will leave him. I fought back my tears as they called me to the back.
 
The doctor issued to me was very cold. His bed side manner was not friendly as I am sure he has seen quite a few patients that day and more so because in his mind he thought here is another one of ‘those” woman wants to know if they had a STD for whatever reason. He told me to remove my pants and underwear and that he would be in shortly.
I had been through 4 pregnancies, and was accustomed to the stirrups and the exams of my pelvis, but this was different. I was getting ready to lay back, place my legs in stirrups and have a doctor I had never met do what they called a “rape’ kit to see if I had STD or if I was pregnant. “Let me go get the rape kit, is what the doctor said. As I lay back on the bed waiting for the doctor to return, the words “rape kit” kept screaming in my mind. Yeah, I had been raped sexually by Kevin. I had been raped emotionally. And now he was raping my dignity. I truly hated him right then and there. I hated him for putting me in this position. I was there to protect myself but honestly-I was there to protect him to. So, I was also raping myself for allowing Col Kevin Landers to continue to hurt me.

‘I have learned that rape comes in all different forms and force. There is the obvious physical rape of the body, but, there is also the raping of one’s self-esteem and dignity. Whichever-they all have the same results. It hurts when it’s happening. It hurts when your mind remembers and the memories of the rape will hurt until the day you die.” ~Catherine Ann Landers 

The doctor returned and told me to put my legs in the stirrups. The doctor did not give me a warning when he inserted the instrument inside me and he was not gentle about it. He scrapped and prodded around. I just turned my head away and being that I hated crying in public. I started crying. I tried to fight back the tears but I could not. When doctor was finished he told me he needed to do blood work as well and I needed to get dressed. I turned to look at him. His body language softened and he put his hand on mine. And said-“You need to leave him and take your 4 beautiful children with you.” I looked at him in surprise I guess because he said-“I had seen your 4 beautiful children playing in the parking lot so I know what is going on so it’s easy-just walk away.” Then he left the room. I was lost for a moment in his words. The doctor that had so little to say to me just said so much with true concern. A man I did not even know was a man of true wisdom and soul. No wonder he was angry acting. He was mad at Kevin AND mad at me. WOW! Was all my mind was saying? Then, I dried my tears and I waited for the blood work to be done. A nurse came in of African descent, and quickly drew blood and told me to wait for the results. I was at a peace in that doctor’s room. No matter what the test concluded, I wanted to believe that everything was going to be ok. About 10 minutes passed and the same nurse came in and told me with her lovely accent, that the blood work came back negative and my pap smear exam was free of any STD’s. She looked at me with a smile of relief as well. I took a deep, long breath and closed my eyes to say a silent prayer. Thank you God for protecting me from this evilness. I was dressed and started to walk out of the exam room but turned and ask the nurse about my doctor. She told me he had another patient but he had a message for you. He said to take care and free yourself and then she looked at me and smiled again.
 
I walked out of that clinic. A clinic that looked like a dump from the outside, but inside there were souls working everyday to save people physically, but they also tried to save people on the inside. Today, I call it the Ragamuffin clinic and I will never forget how powerful words can be from someone I did not even known.
As I walked out the glass doors and into the sunshine I could see the kids and Kevin standing in the parking lot and then this anger started from my toes and started traveling through my body. What the hell am I doing subjecting myself to this man’s insecurities. He could have gone to a no name clinic-hell, he could have gone to this clinic and did the same thing I just did. No one in the military would have found out. He was afraid. He was and still is a coward. He begged me to do this horrible task for something that he did, and he was too afraid to do it by himself. I was afraid of Kevin, no doubt. He was bigger than me and he did hurt me with his words and actions. He outweighed me, out muscled me, and looked down on me with his “Bigness” but he had no “Manness” about him. I realized right then that I was tougher than this officer in the military. I was stronger, bigger, and wiser on the inside. 

Looking back, I should have loaded up the children, got in the van and drove away, leaving Kevin to fend for himself. I should have, but I didn’t. The kids were excited to see me and I hugged them and they asked me if I was feeling better. I shot a look at Kevin. Kevin said he told them that I had a bad tummy ache and I needed medicine. I looked at Kevin and said “Why don’t you just tell them the truth-KEVIN!” He looked at me shocked and told the kids that it was time to get in the car. I wanted to rip his eyeballs out. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs right there in the parking lot that-
“KEVIN LANDERS SR. IS A LOSER!!!” 
But, I did not. I slowly got into the van and methodically buckled up. Kevin kept looking at me and refused to look at him. He said-“How was it?” I asked him if he would like to discuss this in front of the children because I was more than happy to speak for him. But, he turned and watched the road and then asked me if I could just answer one question. I said nothing. So, he continued and said-
“Just tell me yes or no.” 
I sat quiet there but my mind was answering-
"No... to the fact that you are free from aids-yes you are an asshole." 
"No... I don’t like you anymore-yes I despise to look at you." 
"No... I refuse to cry and Yes the tears are already strolling down my face." 
I said out loud through gritted teeth to answer his pathetic question of whether or not he infected me with an STD-
“NO” I said as I gave him a disgusted look. What I wanted to say was-
"No you worthless, mean, nauseating, selfish, stupid human being"
But all I could get out of my sick stomach was-"No."

He was so relived and he actually smiled. The bastard actually smiled and patted my hand. I shot away and looked at him and said 
“DO NOT TOUCH ME!” 
So as if it was no big deal, Kevin turned up the radio and Willie Nelson was singing-"On the road again” How ironic. On the road again to what new insanities with my husband? I did not know as I felt that it could not get much worse than this. 

Unfortunately, I learned that evil is everywhere. Evil lurks in dark corners and shadows waiting to spread its venom on our souls if we allow it to. I learned many years later that Kevin has evil in his heart and venom is his blood. He thrives on the weak and needy and will not stop until they beg for mercy and even then-he spits and walks away.
 
I may have been saved from a venereal disease but I have scars from another type of sickness that Kevin brought in our marriage and into our bedroom.
Stay tuned as it does get worse believe it or not. What I will share with you next will make you frustrated with our relationship. I let evil enter my home and Kevin was on the side of Satan. He still is today.
Please read this next entry in my blog.
Col Landers begs me to participate in the Swinger community

It explains why Col Kevin Landers convinced me to get a "rape kit" done to see if I had any VD's because of his infidelities. He uses my health record to peruse having sex with other couples in Woodbridge, Virginia. 
He is a mass manipulator that goes to any length to achieve what he wants. To include risking his career, my health, his marriage and children for sex.

Pornography exists for the lonesome, the ugly, the fearful - It's made for the losers” Rita Mae Brown