In the 10 plus years that I
have lived in San Miguel de Allende MX, I have frequented the
consulate's office several times. Of course I must go there to update my
paperwork, but for the most part I have been in that office because of
the lies that Col. Kevin P. Landers and his wife Melody concoct.
I have been to the Municipals (Mexican Court) to debate & defend myself against the false allegations made by Kevin Sr. and Melody...I'm still standing. Because I have been to these buildings often, I have made acquaintances and friends. This past Saturday, one of these people told me that my ex-Col Kevin P. Landers is once again trying to file something against me. She said that the service that my ex-husband has hired to find me is becoming very frustrated because the consulates office will not help him locate me.
I have been to the Municipals (Mexican Court) to debate & defend myself against the false allegations made by Kevin Sr. and Melody...I'm still standing. Because I have been to these buildings often, I have made acquaintances and friends. This past Saturday, one of these people told me that my ex-Col Kevin P. Landers is once again trying to file something against me. She said that the service that my ex-husband has hired to find me is becoming very frustrated because the consulates office will not help him locate me.
I
am not sure what this is all about, but Kevin Sr. has been stalking me
for the past ten years now and it doesn't look like he will stop this
hatred. Once again, this prompts me to write a blog entry as a reminder
to my readers that:
>Abusers will always Abuse
>Haters will always Hate...and
>Survivors will ALWAYS Survive!
As I have said before, I started writing this blog for a few reasons. One was to defend myself from all the lies and accusations made against me by Kevin Sr. and his wife Melody. The second reason was recommended to me by a mentor that told me that I needed to tell my story. It felt safe to me to write as I have always been a writer. I didn't want to speak out loud just then, so a blog seemed to be a good avenue for me. And thirdly, so that my children, family and friends could learn more about the lies that Kevin Sr. and I tried to hide for 18 years. My children saw their father beat their mom. They saw the bruises, the blood and heard the cries but there are some things that I protected them from like their father’s infidelities, his excessive porn addiction and his desire for him and I to live a "Swingers Lifestyle." As I have built my confidence up in telling my story, I do now publicly speak about the silent crime of Domestic Violence. My journey has been a long one...but more so...a healing, powerful crusade that has led me to a better understanding of how I ended up being an abused woman, why Kevin Sr. chose to abuse and why he still denies that he has ANY responsibility in our divorce and the instabilities that our children have endured over the years.
It is necessary for me to go into a little bit of the past once again to try to paint a picture of the insanity in my marriage to Kevin. I should have left him years ago and I see that as a stronger woman today. But coming from a very traditional home where women raise the children and "stand by their men" no matter what abuses take place, I was not as strong as I thought I was. I was terrified that my children and I would end up on the streets (as Kevin Sr. had promised) and I truly felt that I had no way out.
Kevin Sr. and I had a very toxic relationship. A relationship that needed help many years ago. I was willing to go to counseling but he was not. I was willing to share all of our secrets but Kevin had too much to hide and he still, to this day, blames everyone else for his problems. Things have run rapidly through my head like, I should have called the police the first time he smacked me across the face. I was 6 months pregnant with our first son, but I didn't report him. I thought it would be the first and last time. I do honestly believe that if I did call the police, he may have decided to get help, but to this day I will never know.
When Kevin Sr. and I were living in England in 1998, he was very stressed. He was failing his Topography masters and came home very angry and unorthodox. The children and I were afraid of him most of the time and I did my best to try to intercept his temper tantrums by trying to calm him down or just making sure the kids were not present when he went into rages.
One incident in particular stands out to me because there was a moment that people were willing to help me. Several times they witnessed Kevin Sr.'s outbursts and they were concerned.
>Abusers will always Abuse
>Haters will always Hate...and
>Survivors will ALWAYS Survive!
As I have said before, I started writing this blog for a few reasons. One was to defend myself from all the lies and accusations made against me by Kevin Sr. and his wife Melody. The second reason was recommended to me by a mentor that told me that I needed to tell my story. It felt safe to me to write as I have always been a writer. I didn't want to speak out loud just then, so a blog seemed to be a good avenue for me. And thirdly, so that my children, family and friends could learn more about the lies that Kevin Sr. and I tried to hide for 18 years. My children saw their father beat their mom. They saw the bruises, the blood and heard the cries but there are some things that I protected them from like their father’s infidelities, his excessive porn addiction and his desire for him and I to live a "Swingers Lifestyle." As I have built my confidence up in telling my story, I do now publicly speak about the silent crime of Domestic Violence. My journey has been a long one...but more so...a healing, powerful crusade that has led me to a better understanding of how I ended up being an abused woman, why Kevin Sr. chose to abuse and why he still denies that he has ANY responsibility in our divorce and the instabilities that our children have endured over the years.
It is necessary for me to go into a little bit of the past once again to try to paint a picture of the insanity in my marriage to Kevin. I should have left him years ago and I see that as a stronger woman today. But coming from a very traditional home where women raise the children and "stand by their men" no matter what abuses take place, I was not as strong as I thought I was. I was terrified that my children and I would end up on the streets (as Kevin Sr. had promised) and I truly felt that I had no way out.
Kevin Sr. and I had a very toxic relationship. A relationship that needed help many years ago. I was willing to go to counseling but he was not. I was willing to share all of our secrets but Kevin had too much to hide and he still, to this day, blames everyone else for his problems. Things have run rapidly through my head like, I should have called the police the first time he smacked me across the face. I was 6 months pregnant with our first son, but I didn't report him. I thought it would be the first and last time. I do honestly believe that if I did call the police, he may have decided to get help, but to this day I will never know.
When Kevin Sr. and I were living in England in 1998, he was very stressed. He was failing his Topography masters and came home very angry and unorthodox. The children and I were afraid of him most of the time and I did my best to try to intercept his temper tantrums by trying to calm him down or just making sure the kids were not present when he went into rages.
One incident in particular stands out to me because there was a moment that people were willing to help me. Several times they witnessed Kevin Sr.'s outbursts and they were concerned.
Kevin Sr. was pissed off at life so therefore, he was
pissed off at me. He always found a way to make his stresses "my
fault." We had been invited to a neighborhood BBQ. The Brits are very much
about family and friends and on the weekends, there was always something going
on. Kevin Sr. told me and I quote, "I have to go to this family BBQ, but I am not going
with your disgusting ass so don't go."
Those words stung me but I held strong and said, "But the kids are excited about this."
Kevin Sr. told me that he would take the kids but I could stay home. Please keep in mind that the home we were invited to was our next door neighbor. I buckled because I knew he was going to cause a scene. I had been crying so I didn't look that great anyways and I didn't want to tell another lie as to why I had been crying. I got the kids ready and told them that Mommy couldn't go because she had a tummy ache. So, Kevin took them and I stayed home and cried.
Those words stung me but I held strong and said, "But the kids are excited about this."
Kevin Sr. told me that he would take the kids but I could stay home. Please keep in mind that the home we were invited to was our next door neighbor. I buckled because I knew he was going to cause a scene. I had been crying so I didn't look that great anyways and I didn't want to tell another lie as to why I had been crying. I got the kids ready and told them that Mommy couldn't go because she had a tummy ache. So, Kevin took them and I stayed home and cried.
About an hour later, a Canadian friend (I will call her
Dana for her protection), walked through my front door and demanded that I wash
my face and get dressed because I was going to this party. Of course, I told
her no, but she didn't take no for an answer. Let me stress, that Dana and her
husband saw Kevin yelling at me at public functions and knew he was mean to me
and the kids.
I did go with her but I was afraid at how Kevin would react. My children were playing outside with all of the other children so I felt comforted by that. Dana took my hand and we walked into the house. Kevin was sitting on the couch along with other officers from the Royal school of Military Survey in Curridge, England
I did go with her but I was afraid at how Kevin would react. My children were playing outside with all of the other children so I felt comforted by that. Dana took my hand and we walked into the house. Kevin was sitting on the couch along with other officers from the Royal school of Military Survey in Curridge, England
Col Kevin
Landers Masters in England
When I walked into the room holding Dana's hand, Kevin saw me. And his exact words were, "Well well-the neighborhood whore is here."
Dana gripped my hand and told me not to move. I literally froze and kept starring at Kevin Sr. The entire room looked in his direction in shock that he talked to me that way. He got very nervous and said,
"I have studying to do and as he walked passed me, he bumped me with his shoulder. I was afraid.
When I walked into the room holding Dana's hand, Kevin saw me. And his exact words were, "Well well-the neighborhood whore is here."
Dana gripped my hand and told me not to move. I literally froze and kept starring at Kevin Sr. The entire room looked in his direction in shock that he talked to me that way. He got very nervous and said,
"I have studying to do and as he walked passed me, he bumped me with his shoulder. I was afraid.
After Kevin left, I still just stood there frozen. But,
to my surprise, everyone rallied around me and started handing me food and
cracking jokes and I started to feel more at ease.
My children had a great time and when they asked, "Mom where is Dad?"
I told them that he had to study and they almost seemed so extremely relived that he was not there.
I told them that he had to study and they almost seemed so extremely relived that he was not there.
We had a great evening without him.
I started to forget my fear of Kevin because I thought he had enough time to cool off. It wasn't until I gathered up my kids to go home that I was reminded of how abusive he was. He had locked all the doors. Here I am carrying little Justin and Amanda in my arms with KJ and Meg in tow and we couldn't get in our home. It was 11pm.
Kevin wouldn't answer and my kids started crying. The BBQ was still going on so our neighbors could hear me asking Kevin to open the door...SILENCE from inside our home. Kevin was playing a cruel game at the expense of his young children that were tired & had to pee and now becoming terrified.
I tried to hold back the tears but I was so humiliated. Kevin Sr. wanted to show me and our 4 young children that he was in charge and if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have a home to go to.
Dana and the rest of the neighbors heard me knocking and the begging for Kevin to open the door. I was trying to be quiet, but I truly think that they knew Kevin was not going to be nice after his display earlier that evening. So, Dana walked over and brought me to her and her husband’s home. They had a son that I babysat quite often so he was thrilled thinking we were having a sleepover.
The children and I stayed overnight at their home and the next day Kevin Sr. came to get me and the kids. He tried to barge through the door, but Dana's husband told him to leave. Kevin snapped his head and sneered at me and said through his gritted teeth, "We are going to talk about this when you get home."
I knew that frightening look in his eyes. That dark face, with his lips pulled in tightly as a little spit came out of his mouth. I had not seen him this angry before and I started to shake inside. If I went home, he was going to hurt me or worse kill me because I believe he was very concerned that I told everyone his secrets. Quite honestly, after Kevin Sr. stormed out of the BBQ, his name never came up.
I started crying and of course the children were concerned. I tried to hold the tears in, but I couldn't. My friend Dana brought the kids outside and her husband told me that if I wanted, a few of the officers were willing to put money towards a plane ticket for me and my children. I looked at him shocked and said, "Why?"
He said, "Because we know how Kevin treats you and we want to offer you a way out to try to get your life together and leave him if that's what it takes."
I was stunned. I thought I did a pretty good job at hiding the abuses, but as I ran scenarios in my mind, there were other incidences where Kevin displayed his abusive behavior and I would cover for him, apologize and tell the neighbors, "He's just really stressed with this Masters program."
Obviously, they didn't believe me as these other officers were in the same exact program & it did not appear that their spouses were suffering the abuses that Col. Landers was inflicting on his family.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave him then and I had free tickets. But a million things were running through my head. He told me many times that if I ever left him, he would take my kids and make my life would be a living hell and I believed him. Kevin Sr. was not threatening me. He was giving me a firm, harsh warning and his warning was inflicted on me years later when I filed for divorce.
I told my friend that I had to think about it but somehow Kevin Sr. found out about it and he begged, pleaded, got on his knees, cried and promised me that he would get help when we got back to the states. God, I wanted to believe him but I had been through this before with him. He promised to be a better father...that he would be more attentive to me and the kids...that he would stop the porn and Swingers addiction...That he would stop bringing his anger out on me....all the things I wanted to hear. So, I did something I regret today. I believed him for the 100th time and chose not to take the free tickets. Every promise he made to me on that day was all a lie. He manipulated me once again and I endured his hatred for another 6 ½ more years. Seven years later, what jolted me to leave Kevin is when he went after my older son (6-7 days before he deployed to Iraq) then I knew I had to do something. His anger was turning onto our children. I knew that if Kevin Sr. was able to break down our son’s door, he was going to hurt him and I wasn't going to let that happen. I would use whatever strength I had inside me to protect my children from their father’s wrath if that meant doing something extreme to stop him I was willing to follow through. That thought frightened me. It was time to end this cycle of abuse and it was going to have to start with me taking extreme, necessary actions to ensure my safety and the children's. Hence is why I waited for him to deploy so that he could not try to stop me from divorcing him. I felt I would be safe if he was a million miles away, but I was wrong. Col. Kevin P. Landers knew I was going to leave him, so he either was suicidal or faked that he was, so that he could get on suicide watch to gain an early release home from the war. He had only been deployed 3 months on a 1 year deployment. He came in under my radar and it was then that he started campaigning against me. He was on a mission to destroy me no matter what hell he put me and our children through.
On April 11th, 2005 I filed for divorce. That was our wedding anniversary and we had been married 18 years.
I started to forget my fear of Kevin because I thought he had enough time to cool off. It wasn't until I gathered up my kids to go home that I was reminded of how abusive he was. He had locked all the doors. Here I am carrying little Justin and Amanda in my arms with KJ and Meg in tow and we couldn't get in our home. It was 11pm.
Kevin wouldn't answer and my kids started crying. The BBQ was still going on so our neighbors could hear me asking Kevin to open the door...SILENCE from inside our home. Kevin was playing a cruel game at the expense of his young children that were tired & had to pee and now becoming terrified.
I tried to hold back the tears but I was so humiliated. Kevin Sr. wanted to show me and our 4 young children that he was in charge and if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have a home to go to.
Dana and the rest of the neighbors heard me knocking and the begging for Kevin to open the door. I was trying to be quiet, but I truly think that they knew Kevin was not going to be nice after his display earlier that evening. So, Dana walked over and brought me to her and her husband’s home. They had a son that I babysat quite often so he was thrilled thinking we were having a sleepover.
The children and I stayed overnight at their home and the next day Kevin Sr. came to get me and the kids. He tried to barge through the door, but Dana's husband told him to leave. Kevin snapped his head and sneered at me and said through his gritted teeth, "We are going to talk about this when you get home."
I knew that frightening look in his eyes. That dark face, with his lips pulled in tightly as a little spit came out of his mouth. I had not seen him this angry before and I started to shake inside. If I went home, he was going to hurt me or worse kill me because I believe he was very concerned that I told everyone his secrets. Quite honestly, after Kevin Sr. stormed out of the BBQ, his name never came up.
I started crying and of course the children were concerned. I tried to hold the tears in, but I couldn't. My friend Dana brought the kids outside and her husband told me that if I wanted, a few of the officers were willing to put money towards a plane ticket for me and my children. I looked at him shocked and said, "Why?"
He said, "Because we know how Kevin treats you and we want to offer you a way out to try to get your life together and leave him if that's what it takes."
I was stunned. I thought I did a pretty good job at hiding the abuses, but as I ran scenarios in my mind, there were other incidences where Kevin displayed his abusive behavior and I would cover for him, apologize and tell the neighbors, "He's just really stressed with this Masters program."
Obviously, they didn't believe me as these other officers were in the same exact program & it did not appear that their spouses were suffering the abuses that Col. Landers was inflicting on his family.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave him then and I had free tickets. But a million things were running through my head. He told me many times that if I ever left him, he would take my kids and make my life would be a living hell and I believed him. Kevin Sr. was not threatening me. He was giving me a firm, harsh warning and his warning was inflicted on me years later when I filed for divorce.
I told my friend that I had to think about it but somehow Kevin Sr. found out about it and he begged, pleaded, got on his knees, cried and promised me that he would get help when we got back to the states. God, I wanted to believe him but I had been through this before with him. He promised to be a better father...that he would be more attentive to me and the kids...that he would stop the porn and Swingers addiction...That he would stop bringing his anger out on me....all the things I wanted to hear. So, I did something I regret today. I believed him for the 100th time and chose not to take the free tickets. Every promise he made to me on that day was all a lie. He manipulated me once again and I endured his hatred for another 6 ½ more years. Seven years later, what jolted me to leave Kevin is when he went after my older son (6-7 days before he deployed to Iraq) then I knew I had to do something. His anger was turning onto our children. I knew that if Kevin Sr. was able to break down our son’s door, he was going to hurt him and I wasn't going to let that happen. I would use whatever strength I had inside me to protect my children from their father’s wrath if that meant doing something extreme to stop him I was willing to follow through. That thought frightened me. It was time to end this cycle of abuse and it was going to have to start with me taking extreme, necessary actions to ensure my safety and the children's. Hence is why I waited for him to deploy so that he could not try to stop me from divorcing him. I felt I would be safe if he was a million miles away, but I was wrong. Col. Kevin P. Landers knew I was going to leave him, so he either was suicidal or faked that he was, so that he could get on suicide watch to gain an early release home from the war. He had only been deployed 3 months on a 1 year deployment. He came in under my radar and it was then that he started campaigning against me. He was on a mission to destroy me no matter what hell he put me and our children through.
On April 11th, 2005 I filed for divorce. That was our wedding anniversary and we had been married 18 years.
I did not pick that date but I thought it ironic that day
was chosen as my court date to go through the divorce proceedings.
I held pretty strong in our divorce battle but the day finally came...He achieved a promise he made to me many times, "If you EVER leave me, I will take your children away from you."
And he did just that. He concocted a lie that I had kidnapped our children and he feared for their safety because I was abusive to them. That lie didn't hold up with the judge and the judge was extremely disgusted with Kevin Sr.’s plot. What did hold up was the fact that I took the kids across the state line (something I did not know was wrong) and the judge had to follow through with the law. As a matter of fact, the judge reprimanded my attorney Mrs. Heather Nichols for not giving me good legal counsel. Heather had encouraged me to take the children to GA for a visit. I fired H. Nichols on the spot and slowly walked out of the courtroom. I didn't look in Kevin or Melody's direction because I didn't want to see the satisfaction on their faces.
The breath was knocked out of me and I was still in shock as to what happened. When I left the courtroom I was thankful for the wall behind me that was holding me up.
What happened next was one of the most evil moments Kevin Sr. displayed. He went out of his way to seek me out in the hallway and started chuckling...an evil chuckle of victory. My lawyer actually had to ask him to leave me alone so he just walked away still chuckling with a strut in his stride. He wanted to see me crying and in agony and he knew that taking my children from me would achieve more pain in me than broken ribs he gave me years ago after he kicked me repeatability on the ground. Kevin knew where to hurt me, so there were rarely visible bruises and the ones that did show-I lied about. Like the blows to my head that can be hidden by my hair, my broken rib could be hidden under clothes and with my lies of, "I think I pulled a stomach muscle at the gym." I once again chose to protect Kevin Sr. over protecting myself and our children. But, there was no hiding or lying about the pain I felt that day when I saw Kevin's face and heard that evil chuckle. I knew he wasn't going to back down with trying to damage me any way he could because I finally did what I should have done the first time he struck me-I should have left him and then maybe I could have saved our kids years of pain and insanity. Well, Kevin did follow through with his hateful games of trying to destroy me and he did use our children to try to achieve that.
The mind games of Parental Alienation (read definition below) became Kevin Sr.’s focus of strategy and he recruited a team player, Melody Wilson Landers, to help him try to brainwash our 4 children against me. I have lost much time with my children. Especially with our youngest son. I lost 10 years. 10 years that were taken from us by a mean, selfish, hateful man/father and his second wife Melody. Milestones were stolen from me that can never be replaced with hugs or words.
In those 10 years, his father made sure our son did not have access to me. Col. Kevin P. Landers and his second wife Melody did everything in their power to try to get Justin to hate me but it didn't work and here are some reasons why-
I spent a lot of my time with my 4 children when I was in their lives and I treasured those moments. I was active in their lives. I made sure that my children knew that I wanted to be a part of their days. I treasured being a stay-at-home mom and I took that role very seriously.
I volunteered at their classrooms. I made sure that I had lunch with each of them once a week.
I created a night called "special night" which meant that each child got to stay up an hour later, without their siblings, and got to choose what they wanted to do and eat.
My oldest son wanted to get on his PlayStation and I learned the fine art of "trying" to maneuver the paddles as he would giggle and say, "Mom, you know I am going to win this game."
Yeah....I knew he was going to kick my butt but that didn't matter. What mattered was the sound of his giggles. I can still hear his giggle and I miss it.
My older daughter was very much into to soccer so she wanted to go outside and kick the ball back and forth. I had some of the best conversations with her as she proceeded to show me her fancy moves with the soccer ball. Let’s just say that I never got fancy like her, but none-the-less, I got to know her just a little bit better on her "Special Nights" and she inspired me with her confidence and strength.
My younger daughter is a fashionista. So, on her special night, it was dress-up time from my closet and makeovers. I was shocked at how brilliant she was with make-up and style. She would tell me,
"Mom, you need to get some fancy high heels."
Being athletic, volunteering in numerous venues and a proud "soccer mom"- I had a couple of pair of heels for formals or events that I had to attend with my ex Kevin, but other than that-it was sneakers, running shoes, flats, and sandals. I asked my daughter, "Where would I wear fancy high heels?
She said, "Walmart."
I still giggle about this.
And then my youngest son...
On his "Special Night" he of course wanted to first eat. Justin loved cookies. I am not a cookie fan but the rules of special night consisted of doing what the kids wanted to do, so I indulged in more Oreos and chocolate chips than I care to admit! Justin showed me how to dunk the cookies in milk. An art I already knew how to do but he took so much pride in showing me. After the cookies, he wanted to read dinosaur books and stuff about outer space.
The reason why I think it is imperative to share this is because I did everything in my power to create happy memories with my children. I wanted to dilute the sadness, anger and fear that was present in our home. I wanted my kids to have happy memories to hold onto. Happy memories that would overcome the scary, sad ones. I tried. I truly tried to be a protective, happy, loving Mom that wanted to create a safe, healthy, happy home for our kids. I thought that I had failed but overtime, my 4 children have told me that they remember my time with them and they treasured it.
My youngest child recently told me, "Mom, I would close my eyes and remember all the happy times I had with you and I never hated you."
He told me that he would look at his baby photo album almost every night and smile. I asked him if he still had that album, but he said it disappeared one day when he was about 14 yrs old. Considering that Kevin Sr. threw away any memory of me to try to erase my existence, I am sure it ended up in the dumpster. What a cruel thing to do to a child that had lost his siblings, all his memorabilia that had anything to do with me, and now the one possession he treasured was thrown away as well.
In order to deflect off of arguing and persecution from his father and Melody, Justin said that he would pretend to hate me so that his father and Melody wouldn't get mad at him. He cried when he told me this because he was afraid I would be angry with him. Quite the opposite. I knew he was just a little boy when his father started to put hateful thoughts in his head to try to get him to hate me.
I held pretty strong in our divorce battle but the day finally came...He achieved a promise he made to me many times, "If you EVER leave me, I will take your children away from you."
And he did just that. He concocted a lie that I had kidnapped our children and he feared for their safety because I was abusive to them. That lie didn't hold up with the judge and the judge was extremely disgusted with Kevin Sr.’s plot. What did hold up was the fact that I took the kids across the state line (something I did not know was wrong) and the judge had to follow through with the law. As a matter of fact, the judge reprimanded my attorney Mrs. Heather Nichols for not giving me good legal counsel. Heather had encouraged me to take the children to GA for a visit. I fired H. Nichols on the spot and slowly walked out of the courtroom. I didn't look in Kevin or Melody's direction because I didn't want to see the satisfaction on their faces.
The breath was knocked out of me and I was still in shock as to what happened. When I left the courtroom I was thankful for the wall behind me that was holding me up.
What happened next was one of the most evil moments Kevin Sr. displayed. He went out of his way to seek me out in the hallway and started chuckling...an evil chuckle of victory. My lawyer actually had to ask him to leave me alone so he just walked away still chuckling with a strut in his stride. He wanted to see me crying and in agony and he knew that taking my children from me would achieve more pain in me than broken ribs he gave me years ago after he kicked me repeatability on the ground. Kevin knew where to hurt me, so there were rarely visible bruises and the ones that did show-I lied about. Like the blows to my head that can be hidden by my hair, my broken rib could be hidden under clothes and with my lies of, "I think I pulled a stomach muscle at the gym." I once again chose to protect Kevin Sr. over protecting myself and our children. But, there was no hiding or lying about the pain I felt that day when I saw Kevin's face and heard that evil chuckle. I knew he wasn't going to back down with trying to damage me any way he could because I finally did what I should have done the first time he struck me-I should have left him and then maybe I could have saved our kids years of pain and insanity. Well, Kevin did follow through with his hateful games of trying to destroy me and he did use our children to try to achieve that.
The mind games of Parental Alienation (read definition below) became Kevin Sr.’s focus of strategy and he recruited a team player, Melody Wilson Landers, to help him try to brainwash our 4 children against me. I have lost much time with my children. Especially with our youngest son. I lost 10 years. 10 years that were taken from us by a mean, selfish, hateful man/father and his second wife Melody. Milestones were stolen from me that can never be replaced with hugs or words.
In those 10 years, his father made sure our son did not have access to me. Col. Kevin P. Landers and his second wife Melody did everything in their power to try to get Justin to hate me but it didn't work and here are some reasons why-
I spent a lot of my time with my 4 children when I was in their lives and I treasured those moments. I was active in their lives. I made sure that my children knew that I wanted to be a part of their days. I treasured being a stay-at-home mom and I took that role very seriously.
I volunteered at their classrooms. I made sure that I had lunch with each of them once a week.
I created a night called "special night" which meant that each child got to stay up an hour later, without their siblings, and got to choose what they wanted to do and eat.
My oldest son wanted to get on his PlayStation and I learned the fine art of "trying" to maneuver the paddles as he would giggle and say, "Mom, you know I am going to win this game."
Yeah....I knew he was going to kick my butt but that didn't matter. What mattered was the sound of his giggles. I can still hear his giggle and I miss it.
My older daughter was very much into to soccer so she wanted to go outside and kick the ball back and forth. I had some of the best conversations with her as she proceeded to show me her fancy moves with the soccer ball. Let’s just say that I never got fancy like her, but none-the-less, I got to know her just a little bit better on her "Special Nights" and she inspired me with her confidence and strength.
My younger daughter is a fashionista. So, on her special night, it was dress-up time from my closet and makeovers. I was shocked at how brilliant she was with make-up and style. She would tell me,
"Mom, you need to get some fancy high heels."
Being athletic, volunteering in numerous venues and a proud "soccer mom"- I had a couple of pair of heels for formals or events that I had to attend with my ex Kevin, but other than that-it was sneakers, running shoes, flats, and sandals. I asked my daughter, "Where would I wear fancy high heels?
She said, "Walmart."
I still giggle about this.
And then my youngest son...
On his "Special Night" he of course wanted to first eat. Justin loved cookies. I am not a cookie fan but the rules of special night consisted of doing what the kids wanted to do, so I indulged in more Oreos and chocolate chips than I care to admit! Justin showed me how to dunk the cookies in milk. An art I already knew how to do but he took so much pride in showing me. After the cookies, he wanted to read dinosaur books and stuff about outer space.
The reason why I think it is imperative to share this is because I did everything in my power to create happy memories with my children. I wanted to dilute the sadness, anger and fear that was present in our home. I wanted my kids to have happy memories to hold onto. Happy memories that would overcome the scary, sad ones. I tried. I truly tried to be a protective, happy, loving Mom that wanted to create a safe, healthy, happy home for our kids. I thought that I had failed but overtime, my 4 children have told me that they remember my time with them and they treasured it.
My youngest child recently told me, "Mom, I would close my eyes and remember all the happy times I had with you and I never hated you."
He told me that he would look at his baby photo album almost every night and smile. I asked him if he still had that album, but he said it disappeared one day when he was about 14 yrs old. Considering that Kevin Sr. threw away any memory of me to try to erase my existence, I am sure it ended up in the dumpster. What a cruel thing to do to a child that had lost his siblings, all his memorabilia that had anything to do with me, and now the one possession he treasured was thrown away as well.
In order to deflect off of arguing and persecution from his father and Melody, Justin said that he would pretend to hate me so that his father and Melody wouldn't get mad at him. He cried when he told me this because he was afraid I would be angry with him. Quite the opposite. I knew he was just a little boy when his father started to put hateful thoughts in his head to try to get him to hate me.
Things Kevin Sr. said like,
-"Your mother doesn't love you. She left you"
-"She's just a whore who is sleeping with men to make money"
-"She NEVER cared about you. She ONLY cares about F-ing Uncle John."
-“As far as you’re concerned she’s dead! Don’t you ever mention that skanks name!”
What kind of father would say that to his children?
Things Melody would say were:
-"You don't want to live with your mother. She lives in a shed with bugs and only has beans and rice to eat."
-"It’s a third world country and the only people in Mexico are felons, drug addicts and prostitutes like your mother."
-"All your mom does all day is drink and smoke weed like your sisters do."
I still will never absorb or accept that two grown adults (that are parents) would inflict a little boy, who is already hurting because his parents divorced, to all these lies and abusive actions just to try to brainwash him into hating his mom. Better yet, let’s look at it from a different aspect. What if all these things Kevin Sr. and Melody said about me were true? WHY would two "loving?" parents burden an 8 year old boy with such horrible images about his Mom? Kevin Sr. and Melody have told their friends and families that all they wanted to do was protect Justin from me. Well, if what they said was true about me, how would they expect a child to deal with those adult issues...and not only deal with them...why would they paint a horrible image of me as opposed to allowing that little boy (our son) to keep the happy memories alive in his innocent mind. Then allow him to find out who I was without their hateful influence. Why? Because Kevin Sr. and Melody knew and know that I was NEVER any of those things they tried to concoct in our young children minds to get them to hate me. Kevin Sr. and Melody HAD to do "damage control" because they knew they were lying and were afraid others would find out. Well, that day of reckoning is here and that is why Kevin Sr. and Melody never mention the Landers children anymore. There have been times that the kids have tried to reach out to their father.
He says, "You ONLY call me when you need something. Stop using me. You chose to leave so don't call me again."
Pretty pitiful that somehow Kevin Sr. is the victim in all of this and he is the one who is feeling used after using our children for years in his hate propaganda? Our children were used as poster kids by their father and Melody for years and the billboard read,
"Look at this poor father raising his 4 little kids and his live-in-girlfriend loving and caring for them because their mother is a loser."
But, what happened behind the billboard was that two hateful adults, trying to get 4 already broken children to hate me. From stories that have been shared with me, the raising of my children by Kevin Sr. and Melody was nothing more than a hateful, manipulative and fake atmosphere and as of today, it is the children that suffer the most…pretty sad and very heart wrenching to think about.
Kevin Sr. chooses to embrace his children ONLY if they hate me. He used our children as weapons to try to hurt me (and key word here is USE) but when the children decide to embrace me, he ignores them. Keep in mind that Kevin tells our children to stop calling him. But he will use and embrace them again if they hate me. Kevin Sr. – always playing the victim to try to gain sympathy - such typical abuser behavior.
As of today, there is no mention of 4 children Col. Kevin P. Landers fathered. You won't hear him praise his sons or daughters for doing the best they can after all they have been thorough. You won't hear him mention his children to his mother Becky Landers or other family members and friends of how happy he is to be their father and that he loves them. There are no more public postings or loving acknowledgments of the "bonus kiddos" Melody claimed she loved so much. There is no more talk of her "beautiful bonus daughters" or her "handsome bonus son" that she never treasured to begin with. She now posts hateful things about me and our children in order to hide the lies she created all these years. In one of Melody's most hateful, recent posting she claimed Justin killed his step-brother Kyle Ray. All that were around Justin in the times that Kyle was alive, could see how much Justin loved Kyle Ray.
-"Your mother doesn't love you. She left you"
-"She's just a whore who is sleeping with men to make money"
-"She NEVER cared about you. She ONLY cares about F-ing Uncle John."
-“As far as you’re concerned she’s dead! Don’t you ever mention that skanks name!”
What kind of father would say that to his children?
Things Melody would say were:
-"You don't want to live with your mother. She lives in a shed with bugs and only has beans and rice to eat."
-"It’s a third world country and the only people in Mexico are felons, drug addicts and prostitutes like your mother."
-"All your mom does all day is drink and smoke weed like your sisters do."
I still will never absorb or accept that two grown adults (that are parents) would inflict a little boy, who is already hurting because his parents divorced, to all these lies and abusive actions just to try to brainwash him into hating his mom. Better yet, let’s look at it from a different aspect. What if all these things Kevin Sr. and Melody said about me were true? WHY would two "loving?" parents burden an 8 year old boy with such horrible images about his Mom? Kevin Sr. and Melody have told their friends and families that all they wanted to do was protect Justin from me. Well, if what they said was true about me, how would they expect a child to deal with those adult issues...and not only deal with them...why would they paint a horrible image of me as opposed to allowing that little boy (our son) to keep the happy memories alive in his innocent mind. Then allow him to find out who I was without their hateful influence. Why? Because Kevin Sr. and Melody knew and know that I was NEVER any of those things they tried to concoct in our young children minds to get them to hate me. Kevin Sr. and Melody HAD to do "damage control" because they knew they were lying and were afraid others would find out. Well, that day of reckoning is here and that is why Kevin Sr. and Melody never mention the Landers children anymore. There have been times that the kids have tried to reach out to their father.
He says, "You ONLY call me when you need something. Stop using me. You chose to leave so don't call me again."
Pretty pitiful that somehow Kevin Sr. is the victim in all of this and he is the one who is feeling used after using our children for years in his hate propaganda? Our children were used as poster kids by their father and Melody for years and the billboard read,
"Look at this poor father raising his 4 little kids and his live-in-girlfriend loving and caring for them because their mother is a loser."
But, what happened behind the billboard was that two hateful adults, trying to get 4 already broken children to hate me. From stories that have been shared with me, the raising of my children by Kevin Sr. and Melody was nothing more than a hateful, manipulative and fake atmosphere and as of today, it is the children that suffer the most…pretty sad and very heart wrenching to think about.
Kevin Sr. chooses to embrace his children ONLY if they hate me. He used our children as weapons to try to hurt me (and key word here is USE) but when the children decide to embrace me, he ignores them. Keep in mind that Kevin tells our children to stop calling him. But he will use and embrace them again if they hate me. Kevin Sr. – always playing the victim to try to gain sympathy - such typical abuser behavior.
As of today, there is no mention of 4 children Col. Kevin P. Landers fathered. You won't hear him praise his sons or daughters for doing the best they can after all they have been thorough. You won't hear him mention his children to his mother Becky Landers or other family members and friends of how happy he is to be their father and that he loves them. There are no more public postings or loving acknowledgments of the "bonus kiddos" Melody claimed she loved so much. There is no more talk of her "beautiful bonus daughters" or her "handsome bonus son" that she never treasured to begin with. She now posts hateful things about me and our children in order to hide the lies she created all these years. In one of Melody's most hateful, recent posting she claimed Justin killed his step-brother Kyle Ray. All that were around Justin in the times that Kyle was alive, could see how much Justin loved Kyle Ray.
In
a
prior blog (see link below), I shared several screenshots that Melody
posted on
her Pinterest that have since been deleted by Melody. One in particular
is where Melody claims that Justin was the cause of Kyle's strokes and
inevitable
death. After Kyle died, Melody would scream at Justin and tell him,
"You caused Kyle to have strokes and the heart attack that killed him."
"I don't have a son because of you."
"If your father dies, it will be because you killed him."
The only word I can describe for a woman to say this to a child is EVIL.
Now, with Melody's habitual antics, she will try to claim that Justin is a liar, but as you can see in the below screenshot Justin is telling the truth.
Melody's accusation of Justin killing his step-brother Kyle Ray and also the fact that she "will put Justin in jail with me" is in the third picture.
"You caused Kyle to have strokes and the heart attack that killed him."
"I don't have a son because of you."
"If your father dies, it will be because you killed him."
The only word I can describe for a woman to say this to a child is EVIL.
Now, with Melody's habitual antics, she will try to claim that Justin is a liar, but as you can see in the below screenshot Justin is telling the truth.
Melody's accusation of Justin killing his step-brother Kyle Ray and also the fact that she "will put Justin in jail with me" is in the third picture.
So
as I stated prior, there is no proof of the existence of Col. Landers 4
children nor the existence of Melody's only daughter. There
are only shrines of Kyle Ray. The reason for this is
because too many questions would be asked and Kevin Sr. and Melody will
have to
come up with more lies to overlap the years of lying they have festering
in
their 'happy home."
As of today, Kevin Sr. and Melody are doing damage control with other peoples children by inviting them into their home. Fortunately these children/teenagers don't live with the Col. & Melody for long periods of time so they are safe. It is Kevin Sr. and Melody's way of saying,
"See, kids love us."
But this facade is not working with the majority of people. It is obvious what they are trying to do and it is quite sad and disturbing that they think this tactic is going to work when in fact 5 kids (their bio kids) chose to leave them and the home full of lies.
But despite Col. K.P. Landers and Melody's ploy to bully our children into hating me, all 4 children are present in my life and I receive a weekly call from Melody's daughter Kayla.The Col. and his wife are extremely frustrated by the children's choice to remain in contact with me.
As I have done with my older children, Justin and I have walked back into time to those moments of reminiscing. I feel it is healing for him to talk about those happy moments we did share as a family.
What Justin needs right now is to remember those special
times. It's when Justin started to learn that his father was lying about me,
that his father and Melody's fears surfaced. Fears that Justin would find out
the truth and start telling others that his father and Melody are liars. It
will only be a matter of time now that John's 4 younger children (who are 16)
are going to ask their father John and their mother Kelly about what happened
over all these years. When they find out Kelly has been lying, there is going to
be hell to pay for her…because how can a child respect a parent that
lies?
They can't...and they won't!
I prayed a million times for God to bring my children back to me. He has done that. I no longer need to battle or plead for them. I need to make up for time lost with my kids. Time that was stolen from me by a man that cared more about "winning" the divorce game and hurting me, than compromising with me for the sake of our children's broken hearts.
I am not a perfect mother but my love for my children is perfectly real and no one is going to take that love away from me. They may have taken my kids for awhile, but they never took away my love for them and my children's love for me.
This is where most of my energy goes today. I am trying to focus on reuniting these children with each other and the family members they were forbidden to have contact with. There are no more battles over the young children that I helped raise because they are not young children anymore. They are young adults that need a parent that cheers them on in their pursuits to find out who they are.
What matters is that I want our children to have a loving, guiding, non-judgmental, supporting source that they feel secure going to. Something they did not receive in their father’s home. I want our children to know that they can trust me. That I value their opinions and respect their boundaries. I want our children to know that they can trust me as their encourager and I will try to be the best guidance that I can. I want them to know that they are going to make mistakes and they may fail at a task but it doesn't mean they are failures. That they are important assets to our society and that their lives matter. I want them to be a part of my life no matter what choices they make.
They can't...and they won't!
I prayed a million times for God to bring my children back to me. He has done that. I no longer need to battle or plead for them. I need to make up for time lost with my kids. Time that was stolen from me by a man that cared more about "winning" the divorce game and hurting me, than compromising with me for the sake of our children's broken hearts.
I am not a perfect mother but my love for my children is perfectly real and no one is going to take that love away from me. They may have taken my kids for awhile, but they never took away my love for them and my children's love for me.
This is where most of my energy goes today. I am trying to focus on reuniting these children with each other and the family members they were forbidden to have contact with. There are no more battles over the young children that I helped raise because they are not young children anymore. They are young adults that need a parent that cheers them on in their pursuits to find out who they are.
What matters is that I want our children to have a loving, guiding, non-judgmental, supporting source that they feel secure going to. Something they did not receive in their father’s home. I want our children to know that they can trust me. That I value their opinions and respect their boundaries. I want our children to know that they can trust me as their encourager and I will try to be the best guidance that I can. I want them to know that they are going to make mistakes and they may fail at a task but it doesn't mean they are failures. That they are important assets to our society and that their lives matter. I want them to be a part of my life no matter what choices they make.
I want to be that parent.
I am that parent.
And whether they choose to embrace their father or not, I will not turn them away no matter whom they choose to love. I want to use my energy to re-build my relationship with my kids and their significant others. I cannot express how thankful I am to have that opportunity today and every day after...
I am that parent.
And whether they choose to embrace their father or not, I will not turn them away no matter whom they choose to love. I want to use my energy to re-build my relationship with my kids and their significant others. I cannot express how thankful I am to have that opportunity today and every day after...
"It’s not only
children who grow. Parents do, too. As much as we watch to see what our
children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.
I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it,
myself."
~Joyce Maynard
Melody's hatred and lies posted on her Pinterest link
Parental Alienation Defined
~Joyce Maynard
Melody's hatred and lies posted on her Pinterest link
Parental Alienation Defined
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