Why does my abuser claim to fear me in Colorado yet...Plan to visit me in Mexico?

Before I continue my story, I need to share current events. LTC. Kevin Paul Landers Sr. has filed a restraining order advising the Court of El Paso County, Colorado that he fears for his safety and that I am capable of causing him physical harm and mental anguish. He claims that I am ruining his career and has requested that the court silence this blog. My 4 children and I have witnessed all the abuses I reference involving their father in this blog. I refuse to be silenced by his threats. However, if a court of law orders me to cease this blog, then I will comply. LTC. Landers justification for filing this complaint is as follows, “If this were true, as all the other allegations (within this blog), why is there no police report verifying so and why would the court give me (LTC. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr.) sole custody after investigating her behavior and questionable stability.” **

**Kevin claims he ended up with “sole custody” of the children. He also claims I have been found “unstable”?

Both accusations are false. We have joint custody of our 4 children. My parental rights with all 4 of my children are intact. Neither court nor facility has ever found me to be unstable. The only mental instability I have is physical brain damaged caused by severe repetitive head trauma. This trauma was provided courtesy of LTC. Kevin Paul Landers. I have Gran Mal Seizures per Kevin’s abuses. Please understand, my 12 year old "M" admired her father and requested to reside with her father through the separation because she wanted to be with him. "K" "A"and "J" wanted to be with me- mom.

I wanted Kevin and I to do what was best for the children. When I filed for divorce, I only requested joint parenting. No alimony. No material possessions. Just to be apart from Kevin. I was to deliver "K" "A" and "J" to their father on a Friday afternoon. Kevin saw me in the lobby of the children’s counselor and stated that he would be “in the field” Friday through Tuesday and wanted to know if I could bring the children to him on Wednesday instead of Friday. I agreed. Kevin knew that I had plans to go to GA to ensure the children were close to his parents, brother and sister and registered in good schools. Kevin was in total agreement. However during this same time, I was unaware that Kevin had our daughter "M" crawl through our home kitchen window to retrieve panties, lingerie and papers from the home - (he found it necessary to use "M" for his acts per there being granted a no contact restraining order against Kevin). Anyway, I had told Kevin that I had enrolled my other children in the Roswell, GA school system. I had arranged to sub-lease a full basement apartment from David Reeves. Kevin encouraged me to enjoy and be careful. I consulted with my attorney Heather Nichols of Fayetteville, NC and she advised I could take the children with me to GA. Kevin called the police on Sunday and reported the children abducted. An emergency hearing was held Monday morning and Amanda and Justin were returned to their father because I had left the state without Kevin’s knowledge during a divorce proceeding. He lied. I had to vacate the house and now he had "M" "A" and "J". He and his companion laughed at me as I wept in the courtroom. My attorney who had provided me with erroneous information was reprimanded by the judge for not having Kevin provide written request to not return the children until Wednesday. My attorney was dismissed as counsel. Kevin told me he would reconcile with me if I returned. But he was already living with his future wife although he claimed she was only the nanny to our kids? I told him I would NEVER return to him. I was never determined unstable NOR was he ever given sole custody. He has provided the Court of El Paso with false information. I filed for divorce and he requested that the NC court system grant my request. So, that should clarify some of his false claims.

Now let’s continue back to the past blog.

At this blog point-I have to make a decision-to stay and put up with Kevin’s abuse or to leave. It was not just affecting me anymore. His anger and frustrations were starting to turn towards the kids and I was very concerned about this. Kevin was stern on not ever going to counseling and I was drained and tired of being married to him. He admitted to his family as well as in written emails and to his Army chaplain that he had beaten me and needed help for being a “bad bad man”.

Something in me snapped and I was no longer keeping secrets. Of course, I was not ready to make my story public nor did I involve my immediate family. There was still a part of me that was afraid to speak out loud to many persons because I knew Kevin would keep his word on making my life a living hell. But, I did trust John. I knew he would not betray me and I knew that he would not share my secrets. One evening, when Kevin was sleeping, I picked up the phone and called John. I trusted John’s judgments because John had worked inner city Atlanta for over 10 years with CPS and dealt on a regular basis with abused children and women. I needed direction and I trusted John to give me good guidance without telling anyone the stories I was about to tell him.

John answered the phone that evening and I started crying and proceeded to tell one story of my abuse and then that story turned into more. I felt such a sense of relief as I started to speak. I was talking out loud for the first time in my life. John listened very closely to me and did not say much. After several talks, John told me this, “I always knew Kevin beat you. I see the bruises every time you visit. I remember the email you sent from England. Catherine, without a victim, there is no abuser. You continue to protect him and keep quiet. Your silence is between you and Kevin. What I cannot tolerate is that now you tell me that one of your children may have been in danger and that needs to be addressed. You need to take these children to counseling and get help for your family.” I told John that Kevin would never go to counseling with me. John said, “I don’t care if he goes or not. This is now about the kids. All of you need help.”
I sat there for a moment, then I cried and said-“I know.” I had to think, so I got off the phone with John and told him I may not talk to him for awhile. In my way of thinking, the only way I could pursue what I needed to do was to wait until Kevin was deployed. As crazy as this may sound, I knew I was too weak and would fall into Kevin’s manipulations and threats face to face. I needed a segue way to think and act without Kevin present.

Kevin left Fort Bragg on Jan. 10th 2005. We had sex the night before and that would be the last time we would ever as far as I was concerned. I dropped him off early in the morning on post and cried hard. I think he thought I was crying because I was going to miss him. I was crying because I was going to leave him. This was the last time I would ever view him as my husband. I was ready to go into the “divorce battle”, but I was also terrified.

Now, Kevin was gone and I was frightened and alive. I did a lot of research and tried to make sure that I did everything correctly. I did seek out counseling for the kids and me. The first place I went was a battered woman’s shelter. I was still talking to John for guidance. I was still talking to Kevin because I knew that if I gave him any indication of what I was doing , that he would come back to try and stop me. I lied to Kevin. I told him I loved him on the phone and the kids and I sent him a few care packages. I did not want my children to hate their dad. You have to understand that a lot of my kid’s friends in school had parents that were deployed and my kids loved their father. So, they would ask me if we could send a box to their dad and I did what I thought was right. My goal was not to pin the children against their father. I worried about his safety in the war as their father. I did not want him to die or suffer. During this deployment, he continued to request that I accompany him upon his return to a “Swinger’s Fest” in Jamaica. This sickened me. Yet at the same time his perverted requests inspired me to follow through with my desire to divorce Kevin. I just did not want to be his property anymore. So, we made care packages for their dad and other soldiers. It was the right thing to do. I did not want my children to worry about their parents divorcing until it was time for the divorce. Meanwhile, I told my children that it was good for us to talk to a counselor because of mommy and daddy’s fighting. After I talked to a counselor named Bob, he thought it would be a good idea for me to file a restraining order per the children’s confirming Kevin’s physical abuses towards me. I hesitated in my sickness of continuing to protect my man. However, my fear of Kevin led me to request a restraining order against Kevin. The court of Cumberland County, NC granted a physical restraining order against my volatile and abusive husband, LTC. Kevin Paul Landers, Sr. However, I was informed that it was not enforceable until Kevin was served with it. Bob and my attorney told me that it would be the US Army’s burden to ensure that Kevin was served once he returned to Fort Bragg, NC. Bob advised that it may be possible for Kevin to come back early when he knew I had filed for divorce and that most likely Kevin would try to avoid being served the restraining order. Bob was a prophet. The night was in May 2005 after I took my daughters to their softball game and came home to a note on the door. It was from my oldest son. It said, “Mom, Dad took me out for an ice cream-Love "K".” I stood in shock and reread it again with M, A, and J standing with me and then I turned and looked out my front door. My husband Kevin was just throwing my purse back into the truck I had arrived home in. I later found that my cell phone, bank debit card and credit card were missing. He denied ever taking them. Kevin had returned 8 months early. My son KJ came running in and said “Mom-do something.” I opened the door and told my husband Kevin to leave me alone. Kevin’s exact words in a sarcastic tone were this, “I haven’t been served with the restraining order.” He was smiling at me. “Get ready to spend the night together My Love.” An evil grin was on his face. My counselor was right. Kevin was back and the look in his eyes said it all. He was watching me. He was stalking every move I made. He used my daughter M for information because she loved her daddy so much. He was stalking me all the way from Iraq and he was back. He left his soldiers in Iraq just so he could “toy” with me. I screamed through the door at Kevin to leave because the police were on their way. He laughed. His laugh was that of one possessed by a demon. At that moment I knew I could not keep Kevin out of the house unless I did something. He was going to hurt me because I had seen this evil look before. Things were racing real fast in my mind. He left his deployment? He is on the front lawn? He is capable of getting into our house anytime? How long had he been back in Fayetteville? One day? One week? One month? He was stalking me. My son had said, “Mom. Do something.” I screamed at my son to get the phone and I dialed 911. I told Kevin, “I just called the police.” He did not leave. He just kept standing there. He glared at me. A couple of times he taunted me by charging at me like he was going to come into the house and he got close enough that I ran with the phone. He was humoring himself by showing me that he could cause me to fear his presence. I still fear him. The police called my home telephone and said they were on their way. Kevin knew I received a call and this is what kept him from entering the house. I kept thinking how immature he was acting. How all of this continued insanity was a game to him. All 4 children were screaming for us not to fight and for us to be happy. Their tears were warranted as they had witnessed numerous times how daddy’s anger would escalate into beating me- their mommy. When the police came, Kevin was shocked. I think he thought I was lying to him because I had bluffed so many times before about calling 911. The police arrived and told Kevin that even though he had not been served with the filed restraining order, it was still pending and that he needed to leave until the court date could be addressed. I do believe that this night could have been the night that his beating would have ended my life.
The police instructed Kevin to leave and he did. He was driving a red Toyota that he must have borrowed from someone. I remember this detail so clearly because up to this point, it never crossed my mind how Kevin got to our home. I had the truck and the keys. But as I watched him climb into the seat of this red car, he looked over the roof and said-“This is not over, you skank whore.” Then, he drove away in that red car. I watched it pull out of our subdivision and then I froze as I saw the police follow him out as well. For the first time in this very moment of this evening, I turned around to the kids. They were crying. This evening had started off as a normal evening with homework done, dinner, and a softball game. And my ex-husband thought it would be funny to just pop in unannounced to any of my children that worried about his safety in the war. I tried to grasp it as I still had the breath knocked out of me but I realized that my children were more tortured by this than I was. My son asked me-“Why didn’t he tell us he was coming home Mom?” I just looked at him. I could not answer. It was a sick game to their father. A control; A hateful, possession of me. Kevin did not care if he hurt the kids in the process. It was over. I had tried everything that I knew to try to save our marriage. I compromised who I was to try to save our marriage. I had tried to savor any thread of love I had for my first love. However, everything was gone. He sealed his fate with me that evening. I was finished accepting his vile behavior and threats as he toyed with me on our front lawn. His laughter at our sick relationship nauseated me. It wasn’t funny then. It is not a game today. I was and am terrified of his abusive/threatening behavior. I know my physical being is not in danger when I am in John’s presence. But I am not sure what extremes one may go to?

After I put my kids to bed, I went into my bedroom. Every piece of clothing in my closet, my dresser, and bathroom were torn apart-everything was scattered all over our bedroom. I knew then that Kevin was giving me a clear message. Destruction was coming and I better have my life jacket on.

My abuser has asked the Court of El Paso County, Colorado “…if this is true, why isn’t there a police report…?” Please see link below as it may help answer my abuser’s inquiry.

http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

I want to stress to my readers that the current events I addressed in the beginning of this entry are real. I have been to court in El Paso County over restraining orders. So if my ex-husband and his wife are concerned about their family’s physical and emotional safety, why are they publically stating that they are planning a trip to my home of 6 plus years here in San Miguel de Allende? Please reflect on these issues-

Rest…Regroup…Return