My Life With Domestic Violence and Ray Rice

Being that I am a survivor of Domestic Violence, here are my issues with all of this Ray Rice controversy. If you are not familiar with it, then please view link below. 

I typically don't post my frustrations on this venue but this one has ignited issues that I have faced with my ex and his antics in our marriage and since our divorce. This Domestic Violence incident is a perfect example of why abusers still abuse and why women are afraid to leave.

Here are the similarities of this Rice incident and my ex's abuse behaviors.

          Ray Rice, NFL                            Col. Kevin Landers, USARMY

Ray Rice admitted to the NFL that he abused his wife	My ex admitted in a letter to his parents, in-laws, Commander and active Chaplin in March 2005 that he abused his wife (me)
Upon Ray Rice’s admittance, the NFL suspended him for two games for admitting to punching his wife and knocking her out cold	My ex husband did get his hands slapped by the USARMY (his “company”) with a warning that he needs to seek help for his anger issues (something he did not follow through with) or he would get a letter of reprimand which he never received

Hence, both of these abusers got their hands slapped a little after their admittance to physically abusing/beating their woman. After Mr. Rice was charged & thus admitting to police & his employer that he had beaten his wife, a video surfaces showing what Mr. Rice had already disclosed. His account to police & NFL brass did NOT differ from the video.  After TMZ leaked the visual of the “knock-out” punch, the NFL changed the discipline.  You can see Ray Rice’s fiancée/wife step into his personal space and he punches her in the face and she is knocked out cold. He then drags her limp body out of the elevator.

….I was punched in the face. My head, stomach, etc. and kicked in the head & back. I was also dragged up the stairs by my hair and then immediately dragged by my feet/ankles DOWN the stairs as my head hit each step, ONLY to have the process repeated. My ex, the Colonel,  physically threw me and locked me out of our home for hours in freezing weather. He degraded me in front of our children. He degraded our children.  Need I go on or do I need a video to show a visual of how horrible it was? 

Over my 18 year marriage I was beaten consistently unless, of course, he was deployed. If this is too disturbing for you to read, then this is my whole point. Abuse is disturbing and a video should not be a factor in punishing these "admitted' abusers and DEMANDING that they seek help.

After I left my ex in 2005, I stayed quiet for 6 years. In January 2011 I decided to write my story in a blog to dispute lies and finally use my voice. My blog has very graphic, disturbing, unsettling details of my life with my abuser. I decided that if I was going to tell my story, I was not going to “candy-coat” anything. I was going to tell all or none. I don’t have a video, and all the photos of my injuries were destroyed by Kevin when he found them hidden in our closet. But I have 4 witnesses-our 4 children. My children saw the bruises, my bloody face, heard my crying and witnessed many times their fathers rage. My children remember me taking them to Hotels and begging me to not go back home to "daddy." 
In my fears and insecurities and to my children's disappointments-I would go back because I believed Kevin when he would tell me-
"If you ever leave me, I will make your life a living hell." 
He kept his promise.

For the last 3 years, my ex and his second wife actively take me to court to try to silence me. A battle I won’t quit fighting because he has the right to his freedom of speech & so do I. I am truly thankful to our military for my freedoms. I support our troops. I will NEVER allow anyone to beat me down or take my freedoms away from me.

Here is a link to my story:  http://catherinelanders2010-recreatingmyself.blogspot.mx/

I have concerns with the following:

The NFL was fine with suspending Rice for two games after Rice confirmed what the police report stated…no denial on Mr. Rice’s part. However, now that this video has surfaced, the NFL leaders are in an uproar. Why? Because a woman was beaten? I think NOT. The NFL leadership is embarrassed that a video surfaced. They were not horrified when Rice admitted to cold-cocking a woman. That was not shocking enough to the NFL. It took a video for everyone to be appalled by a man punching a woman in the face and knocking her out cold? Mr. Rice had already TOLD the police, NFL brass & team that he did that. How do you think that makes women like me feel when the only way Domestic Violence will be taken seriously is when there is a graphic video?  The video shows an incident of what typically happens behind closed doors and occurred often in my home in the presence of our 4 children. It is the response to incidents like these that keep women quiet about this silent crime. For years now I have mentored to women all over the world and there is always one common denominator. That common denominator is F*E*A*R. Fear that NO ONE will believe them because these men, these mass manipulators, know how to manipulate others and their victims and what is the most sickening is that it is typically the powerful companies like the NFL and the US Army that are not concerned about protecting the victims. They are more concerned about protecting their reputations at any cost even if that means a woman or child has to die before someone notices.

How would have the NFL reacted or in my case the US Army reacted if Rice’s fiancée (or myself) never woke up? At that point you have a family that has lost a daughter, and in my case 4 children that lost their mother to death. Then, would harsher actions be taken?

The Army was fully aware of my ex’s abuses yet he still continues to climb the ranks. Col Kevin Landers was just promoted to Commander of the Army Corps of Engineers and for years he proclaims to anyone that will listen that my Blog is false & he professes, “If I were an abuser, why would  the Army continue to promote me?”

Good question and I have addressed this above.

The Army does not need negative press. The Army has turned a blind eye because in their insane logic-”No one got killed”? How embarrassing would it be for the Army if after all this time and knowledge of my ex's instabilities and the money they have invested in this officer who still exhibits anger issues, ended up killing someone out of rage? What is the military going to do? Dishonorable discharge? For who….the abuser or his victims?

I venture to say that the Army and now the NFL used it’s “we need him on the team” approach. At least this was the NFL’s logic until this video leaked.

I sure would like to ask some of the NFL leaders what action they would have taken if it was one of their daughters or sisters whose limp body was being dragged out of an elevator. I guarantee they would want to take more action than “being suspended” from playing a team sport.

Admission does not correct nor change the past. However, it is the first step towards accountability and accountability is the first step towards recovery.

But, someone with power has to hold these abusers accountable even after they admit their abuses. If no one holds them accountable, then the abuser will keep abusing and at what cost?

Domestic Violence is an issue of life and death. How many more deaths need to occur before this silent crime is taken seriously? Rice's fiancé DID wake up after being punched in the face-thank God. I have awoken after being punched or strangled “out” several times and I am thankful to be alive. But I pay a price every single day.

I have medically documented brain damage (epilepsy Gran Mal seizures) that I was diagnosed with over 4 years ago.

The documented cause? Scar tissue because of consistent blows to my head over 18 years by my ex.

This is something that has no cure and cannot be reversed. Yet, my ex now denies that he ever touched me.

Why? Because there is no video? Or maybe it's sickeningly the obvious. As long as my ex's boss - USARMY - continues to not hold Col. Landers accountable, then why wouldn’t he continue to “act out”. Perhaps it is that they continue to retain an unstable soldier because they need to fill an empty spot at a desk. So therefore abusers like him will keep denying, lying and manipulating society and the system because they continue to get away with their antics.  There wasn't video in my case to show how horribly disturbing, unsettling and scary my hidden abuse truly is.

Shouldn't our voices & his admittance be enough or does society need a "visual" so they can determine that the secret life of a domestic violence victim is a matter of life and death EVERYDAY? If our world has come to only believing what we see then why would any of us be shocked when someone like me or any other victim that has an "admitted" abuser become front page news and the caption reads:

"Mother dead leaving 4 young children behind after ‘accidentally’ falling down a flight of stairs"

I can hear the gasps now.

"But he was a Colonel in the military"

"But he was an active member of his church"

"But there are no police reports"

"But he always so nice to me"

and here's the big one-

BUT THERE WAS NO VIDEO~

Dead is Dead....

link to Ray Rice Story
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/roger-goodells-handling-of-the-ray-rice-case-willful-blindness-and-the-need-to-maintain-plausible-deniability/2014/09/08/68015714-378b-11e4-8601-97ba88884ffd_story.html

Col Kevin Landers and Melody Landers are parents that promote hate-not love

Time always passes. Sometimes we wished time would pass quickly and sometimes we wish we could stop time just for a moment. Children should not be told to forget happy moments or be banned from remembering them. My youngest son is one these children that has fallen a victim to a fathers hate. A child who has been told that his mother abandoned him and his siblings aren't good people. A child who, for 8 years of his life, had a loving mother that held him, sang to him, read him books, coddled him and adored him. He had an older brother that protected him and two sisters that cherished him as their baby brother. Justin was the typical "baby of the family" who was hugged on, kissed on, and protected by me and his siblings. Those memories that Justin tries to hold onto have been methodically ripped away by his father and Melody with lies to protect themselves. Why?

8 years is too long for Justin to not be able to talk to us, hug us, or share his life with the family that was ripped from him. My responsibility as his loving mother is to make sure he never forgets his past of a loving family who treasured him and still does.

Justin's older siblings-K, M, A and I made this video below for Justin on his 16th birthday which was September 28th, 2012. I know that I have shared this once, but my gut feeling is to share it again. We will continue to make videos for Justin. He is a victim that did not deserve to be separated from his brother, sisters, me and other loving family members. No matter what things are said by the mouth of Justin's father or Melody I believe that loving parents, sister, brothers and grandparents out there reading my blog, have to see that not all the words being said about Justin's past makes sense. I could be the mother that left, ran to Mexico because of no regards for my children. But how can 3 siblings, 2 grandparents, loads of cousins and aunts and uncles also-"Be the bad guys?"  It is said by Col Kevin P Landers that he is trying to protect Justin from all the lies. But quite honestly, who is Kevin protecting Justin from? How can a multitude of honest, loving people be all bad? Why was Justin forbidden to speak to his siblings for 7 years? 
What kind of father separates and ignores 3 of his 4 children for years? What kind of mother figure(Melody) lies about her "bonus" children to others when those children don't act in a manner she demands.

Others are starting see her as a compulsive liar because as she continues to lie. Others are scratching their heads and realizing that her and Col Landers and Melody's stories keeps changing.   

A compulsive liar is someone who lies with ease and finds comfort in it. The person may even continue to lie when presented with the truth in cold, hard facts. Getting a compulsive liar to admit he or she lied can be nearly impossible. 
Melody Landers illness defined-Compulsive Lying Disorder 

So lets look at little at Melody's past. 
What kind of mother(Melody) abandons her daughter (Kayla) and forbids Kayla from ever seeing her little brother Kyle?

If you ask her I am positive, a convincing story by Melody has a fabricated to protect her instabilities-past and present.
Melody will and has told lies about her precious daughter because she needs to hide the fact that Kayla was taken from Melody at the age of five. Every family member and persons in West Virginia know why Melody lost custody of Kayla yet Melody still lies to an audience of people that have no idea why Melody was forbidden to raise her only daughter. Melody raised Kyle no doubt but Kyle had the mind of a young child and Melody's maturity and psychiatric illnesses was defiantly questioned more than once by CPS, counselors and other medical staffers out of concerns that Melody may not be mentally worthy to take care of a child with Kyles special needs . Melody is not stable and must take quite a bit medication daily to control her mental disabilities. My children have told me that her cabinets look like a pharmacy. This was very concerning to me when my children were living with their father. What kind of messages does a parent send a child when those parents are popping pills for every aliment physically or mentally that they exhibit everyday?

Lets turn the tables here. If Col Landers second wife Melody were to divorce and Col Landers did the same to her as he did to me and Melody did the same to Kyle as she continues to do to Kayla, would my critics opinions change? What if Col Landers and Melody shared children together and Col Landers used the court system, his money, and abuses like he has with me and our 4 children, and  manipulated Kyle, Kayla and any other child they shared against Melody? Would there be a different understanding from Melody's family and my critics of the pain that Justin's siblings and I face? What if John were as hateful to his ex Kelly as Col Landers has been to me. What if John desired to keep his children from Kelly Baker Barnes the way Col Landers has done to me, by lies and Parental Alienation(PAS). Jim and Becky Landers understand the emotional trauma it causes their daughter and grandchildren and it would be devastating to the entire family that 5 innocent children were pulled away from their mother.
John had no desire to do that because he loves his children and believes and preaches that children should have their mother in their lives.

I can understand being loyal to family. But when loyalty causes harm to a child then its no longer loyalty. Its abuse. To all of my readers-you do not have to believe a word I say. It has been said that I am trying to ruin Col Landers career. That I am unstable. That I hate Melody because she is with my ex husband. That I am a bitter woman. That I view Kyle as a retard. That I am a felon. That my children hate me. All those lies that can be proven false. My 3 older children have no hate for me and the only reason why Justin expresses hate is because that is what he has been taught all these lies for years. A sweet, innocent 8 year old boy-my son-has lived in a home of manipulations, instabilities and a methodical brainwashing to hate me-his mom and was Justin was taught to hate anyone, including his brother and sisters because these children choose to love me openly. 

"Since most brainwashing parents are very insecure people, they dish out their feelings of disgust towards a lot of people in their lives. And who picks up on these feelings? The child who has to listen to it (the only children who can rise above the badmouthing are teenagers who who are harder to convince, especially over people they have known their entire life)."

Don’t underestimate how closely our actions as parents are watched, and eventually mimicked, by our kids. If you tend to yell, they yell. If you beat them with a belt, they’ll lash out physically at others as well. If you lie a lot, don’t expect them to be amazing little truth tellers. So it doesn’t take much effort for a parent who’s hating an ex-wife or ex-husband to get his or her young child to join in fully on the hatred bandwagon. "Mental child abuse is the most common form of child abuse in America, and the most difficult to stop” – brainwashing children

So, what amazes me is that some choose to believe words told to their faces and hate others without knowing the entire truth. Justin holds the truth way back in his memory, but he is not allowed to speak it and over the course of 10 years, his memory has been diluted by two adults-(Melody and Col Landers) that have much to hide.

So, let me a paint picture that my children will confirm-

My ex husband is dragging my legs down the stairs as my head hits each step and my children come out of their rooms begging him to stop. Kevin looks at them and screams-"Go back to bed!!" While crying, out of fear, they return back to bed and I get the crap beat out of me.
Has it ever crossed any of my doubters minds that the reason that Kevin Sr has abandoned his 3 older children is that they have seen all of this? How could I put fake memories in the minds of children that saw me "Mommy" with blood dripping down her face after their father punched me?
How about this thought . Kevin hasn't beaten Melody, that we know of. I protected my abuser for 18 years. I was a good wife, mother, active volunteer, and school assistant teacher. I have a reputation that does proceed me as a good woman and mom. Did I look like an abused wife? Maybe others saw it and were afraid to ask if I was ok. So this logical question holds strong for all of you. If Kevin beat me, why doesn't he beat Melody? Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't. Either way it is a choice. Kevin has chosen to be the officer, the student, the good man who takes care of Kyle and surrounds himself with all material possessions he desires because he has proven-He can. He has proven that he is capable of making choices. He chose to beat me regularly during our 18 year marriage. He has proven that if he puts his mind to something-he achieves it so how can I at 120 pounds force a 180 lb man to punch me in the face and stomach, hold a drill to my body and tell me 
"I am going to rip you apart little by little", kick me down a flight of stairs several times, destroy my belongings, degrade our children, tell me that if we kept sleeping with other couples(please refer to my blog entry called "SWINGERS") as he continued to have affairs and in the end lie to a court of law under oath and laughed in my face when he refused to financially take care of our children and I quote-

"I told you I would make your life a living hell if you ever left me and that these children you carried are worthless just like you."

I can't expect you to believe a word I say. I just ask this. There is a 18 year old boy named Justin that has not been allowed to speak to his brother, mother, sisters, or grandparents. How can this be a good thing for any child? Put yourself in our place. What if this happened to you? Would you stay quiet or would you write a blog like me? Would you go to any lengths to try to tell your side of the story? Would you do whatever was in your power to try to help your kids? Would you try to contact any resource you could to see it your child was ok? Would you beg to talk to your children on the phone? Would you be able to hold your emotions when someone was making accusations that were not true especially when it came to your babies?

For all out there that doubt my motive  writing this blog-look closer. Justin has anger issues, has been expelled from school, has been caught with drugs and all of this happened when I was kicked out of his life years ago. I have not had contact with Justin in years yet Col Landers and Melody have not nor will not ever take responsibility in the raising of Justin. How cannot any logical person see that Justin's behaviors are not because of my absence-it's because of his upbringing these last several years. It appears weak for Col Landers and Melody to say-
"It was because of his mother." 
I don't have that kind of power to control anyone's raising of a child within their care for over 10 years now. Are Col Landers and Melody that weak or insecure that they blame me-a mom that has had no contact with Justin? How can I control Justin and his behaviors halfway across the world? Or is it that Col Landers and Melody know that they are entirely responsible for Justin internal pain and anger issues so they are the type of parents that blame everyone else instead of trying to help Justin. It appears pretty weak and selfish to the general public that these two seemingly responsible adults cannot put their hatred for me and Uncle/Daddy and focus on what's more important-the broken children that don't deserve any of this turmoil. If Col Landers and Melody truly believe that they raised Justin with morals, respect and integrity, then why are they so obsessed with blaming me for any negative choice Justin makes. How can I be responsible for Justin's behavioral problem, drug issues, anger outbreaks, and instabilities he is exhibiting when I was not there to hold him and do everything in my power to help him as I did with his older siblings? It creates so much logic that if I were in Justin's life that more than likely he would not have the challenges he is having today. 
Bottom line-Col Landers made sure he took away the 4 most important treasures in my life because I left him-my children. 
It is however, starting to appear logical to intelligent people that Justin was not raised by two loving parents but by two hateful parents that are obsessed more with trying to delete my blog than loving Justin they way he deserves to be loved.
Justin's emotional scares run deep and there are two people responsible for Justin's pain an demises-
Col Kevin Landers and his second wife Melody Wilson.

Children have suffered far more than my children but with unconditional love and support, a child can overcome anything unless caregivers like (Col Landers and Melody) are the reason for Justin's emotional issues. Col Landers and Melody do not know how to raise a child. They only know how to control children. What scares these type of parents the most is when that child starts to have a mind of his own. 
Now is the time for Justin to take back his freedom.

If a child receives enough love and support in his home then that child could move past all this hatred and insanity that Col Landers and Melody claim I have inflicted. Let me once again stress that Col Landers and Melody make all these claims that I was sending videos, emails and hate to Justin's schools and friends yet I have never been contacted by anyone with those same concerns. 
These allegations can be proven to be false and I will bring attention to this slander and stop it in due time. 

I am asking any of you that despise me under false pretenses to look closer, understand and see all the lies and truths for the sake of all the children involved-Especially Justin.

Concerning Justin, if you want to show love & have nothing to hide from our Justin, please watch the video below and understand that all of us need to allow this 16 year old young man to experience love from ALL of his family members. Please keep in mind that Justin just turned 18 in September so in the last 2 years his siblings were "allowed" to speak to him. I dare say that Col Landers started to realize that his behavior was starting to make him look unstable and mean. Justin's siblings did nothing wrong and were forbidden to talk or see Justin for over 7 years because Justin's father feared that Justin siblings would remind Justin of the truths. 

Please watch video below and understand that I am not on a hate campaign to destroy Col Landers. 
I am on a campaign to help Justin overcome and release the hate that has been drilled into his soul by two unstable, selfish, mean people that have alot to hide-Col Landers and Melody Wilson.

Justin-if you are reading this please listen to your siblings and others and let go of all the lies that you been told. 
Find the truth.
Justin-this is your moment now. Your life. Your freedoms. 
Walk away and start your own life. I'm not asking you to embrace me.
I am asking you to find yourself and know that no matter what you say, feel, or what you want to believe-I love you. We all do.
Justin Landers 16th birthday video